Eedee - "The Shrink" (Demo)

[Eedee]

LoF

YouTube Link

Reverbnation Link

*This is a demo single. I might change some mixing or something later. But just for now, tell me what you think.




(Yeah, hey. I think she's just being a bitch.
I was supposed to see him after work today but she hasn't called me. Thanks. Bye)
Hurry up, Jesus...

(So, have a seat over there, if you'd be so kind.)
Yeah, thanks.
(Shall we begin?)
Yeah.
(Tell me about what happened last week.)

Last week, you know I can't sleep
Counting my fingers cuz I'm past sheep.
Anyway, I was laying there
I realized there's so many people dreaming and how can you say it's fair?
So I got out of bed, and I felt for my shoes,
Thoughts in my head, got my belt in it's loop.
I guess it was true...
Why can't I sleep? Questions that threw me for a loop
kept wandering in
I thought of a pen
Not one full of ink but where I slaughter a pig.
Your daughter's a bitch!
Damn it, I should swallow my lips.
(No, keep going, what happened next?)
Okay, so I stopped at a fence.
A wooden one, I thought this was good enough
That chapter ends at something I should've done.
(I'm here to listen. Continue)
I thought "this is my venue!" so I crawled on over
I popped my shoulder and got much colder.
There was a backyard and a dog house
I should've ran away and got out
I realize this now...
but when you can't sleep... that's not how your mind works
I'm worse for wear but I couldn't care less...
So I kept on going when I heard a growl
I was curious and I figured it was worth the prowl.
(What did you find when you looked?)
Just a stupid dog, no bigger a shoe box,
(What did you do?) I said "hey, you've got
something on your nose, let me get that for you"
And I stomped the shit out of that little prick's face.
Now, by this time it was getting real late
(Wait, you killed a dog? A beagle?)
My insomnia still was raw so I crept up to the house
My feet were chilled and thawed
Must've been the blood pumping.
My fingers were working but my thumb wasn't
cuz it was hard to open the door...
But I got that little bitch open, didn't I?
(well, didn't you?)
Of course I did, you fucking idiot!
I felt something blistering on my feet but I couldn't care less.
Anyway, where's best? ... oh yes.
I got inside the house. I was like a mouse
I didn't make a sound. I was proud, for real.
(Then what?)
You said you wouldn't keep interrupting me.
(I'm sorry. This is my last time.)
Yeah that's what I said last week. Bad me. Bad me!
Exactly. What a crappy excuse for a human being.
You were dreaming, weren't you? No, of course I wasn't.
The force was nothing, I mean I barely felt it,
I had to find just where he kept it... didn't I?
(What are you talking about now?)
I could care less, buddy boy
I could race laps around you, I need to stretch my neck.
It's best to check up on them in a while, really.
(The story, please?) Of course, you freak. haha
I had flights of stairs to ascend,
I got upstairs and he was there in his bed.
I held back a giggle, I think it was excitement,
I mean, I got in, I was delighted.
By that time, I did it. I proved I could do it.
He said I wouldn't be able to.
(Who said that? Who's he?)
At least he's not a liar like you are.
At this point, I was away from my house for too long. I was sick
(I know how that feels. I haven't seen my boy in weeks. Ever since the divorce)
You wanna talk about it?
(No, keep going with your story)
Okay then. My voice was constricted and hoarse from the cold air
I opened this door and I saw a race car bed and a stuffed giraffe.
(My little boy has a stuffed giraffe...)
I cut him fast my fucking laugh bloody bath!
(What? Who was he?)
You know who. hehehe
(Nooo...)
Uh uh uh! I think we're done here.

[Mr.DGAF]

You know I think this is nice. Told you that voice would sound sinister for a full track. Concept was crazy, love the subtle references to the reveal at the end. Beat fits perfectly, its really quite nice. The lyrics and convo was cool, good way to mix up some of the monotony that can come from a verse.

[BumShiv]

I loved this, reminded me of like a Tyler The Creator and Eminem mix. Same rhymes I feel like were a little elementary, but overall great song. Mind checking this out? viewtopic.php?f=69&t=148564

[Eedee]

I loved this, reminded me of like a Tyler The Creator and Eminem mix. Same rhymes I feel like were a little elementary, but overall great song. Mind checking this out? viewtopic.php?f=69&t=148564

Yeah I'll feed that in a bit (gotta finish this essay for class tomorrow haha).

What rhymes felt elementary? I'm not going to argue at all, I'm just curious.

[BumShiv]

I loved this, reminded me of like a Tyler The Creator and Eminem mix. Same rhymes I feel like were a little elementary, but overall great song. Mind checking this out? viewtopic.php?f=69&t=148564

Yeah I'll feed that in a bit (gotta finish this essay for class tomorrow haha).

What rhymes felt elementary? I'm not going to argue at all, I'm just curious.

umm for example:

So I kept on going when I heard a growl
I was curious and I figured it was worth the prowl.

i guess thats a little elementary, but then again im comparing to like eminem rhymes so yeah haha its not like it's unnecessary tho, fits with the story perfectly

[Eedee]

Errr, okay. I said I wasn't going to argue but a 7 syllable multi is elementary?

Thanks for the feed though. At times the rhyming was elementary because I did indeed wanna keep it like a conversation but I think I fused rhyming and conversational tactics well.

Thanks again.

[BumShiv]

Errr, okay. I said I wasn't going to argue but a 7 syllable multi is elementary?

Thanks for the feed though. At times the rhyming was elementary because I did indeed wanna keep it like a conversation but I think I fused rhyming and conversational tactics well.

Thanks again.

I was just referring to growl and prowl haha again im not one to be giving tips since I'm not a rapper myself so I don't notice syllables as quickly lmao

[Eedee]

Errr, okay. I said I wasn't going to argue but a 7 syllable multi is elementary?

Thanks for the feed though. At times the rhyming was elementary because I did indeed wanna keep it like a conversation but I think I fused rhyming and conversational tactics well.

Thanks again.

I was just referring to growl and prowl haha again im not one to be giving tips since I'm not a rapper myself so I don't notice syllables as quickly lmao

It's all good man. Thanks for listening.

[TripleNineThree]

First off, I love the concept of this track. I enjoy how you have the introductions and how it seems like a story/confession type thing. I really was enjoying the concept.

The lyrics were good in this. There were some decent multisyllables and you actually had a concept with them. It's easy to have multisyllables without a concept but you have both so great job on that!

Your delivery is what could be worked on. It seems somewhat like you're trying to be quiet. I hear some emotion in your voice but your yelling parts sounds awkward, they don't feel like they fit with the rest of the track. Also, it could be the way that your voice is mixed in this beat. Your voice sounds way too loud on the yelling parts.

Your flow was good for this type of track. You stayed on beat for the most part - obviously the point of it was to have a weird flow because the beat is so weird so the flow was decent.

Overall this was an interesting track and concept - keep it up bro!!

[Eedee]

^ Thanks. I recorded in my dorm room hence the quiet voice... I did want a laid back voice but with the restraints of recording with people next door to me was awkward. I plan on recording this later on in a real studio.

Thanks!

[Phantom]

Errr, okay. I said I wasn't going to argue but a 7 syllable multi is elementary?

Thanks for the feed though. At times the rhyming was elementary because I did indeed wanna keep it like a conversation but I think I fused rhyming and conversational tactics well.

Thanks again.

it was quite elementary bro, growl and prowl is the definition of that, not that any of my rhymes are insanely technical, but the comment is on point. either way man, good sound here, delivery needs a little work, but i like the track, definitely. good work.

[Eedee]

Errr, okay. I said I wasn't going to argue but a 7 syllable multi is elementary?

Thanks for the feed though. At times the rhyming was elementary because I did indeed wanna keep it like a conversation but I think I fused rhyming and conversational tactics well.

Thanks again.

it was quite elementary bro, growl and prowl is the definition of that, not that any of my rhymes are insanely technical, but the comment is on point. either way man, good sound here, delivery needs a little work, but i like the track, definitely. good work.

I miscounted the first time, my bad. It was a 6 syllable multi.

But nonetheless, how is that elementary? Prowl/growl is a simple rhyme, yes but it's in a multi which makes it non-elementary.

when I heard a growl
it was worth the prowl

That isn't elementary. Growl/prowl by themselves, yes. Like cat/hat is elementary but say, supernova/used to cola isn't. However they're in a multi, so I fail to see how they're still elementary. I'm supplementing the simple rhymes with more syllables...

But thanks for the feed. I do plan on re-recording this some time in the near future when I can get into a real studio and not whispering in my dorm room...

[Block]

Hmm.. I don't think I ever listened to anything from you before. Your quality is pretty decent, it doesn't sound mixed at all, but it doesn't sound bad. You seem to go off beat a fuck ton though, lol.

Also, I know it feels weird at first when you're recording around people, but you really have to get past that. If you don't, you'll be whispering everything and the pseudo emotion isn't going to help that. I guess that just takes time though.

[Eedee]

Hmm.. I don't think I ever listened to anything from you before. Your quality is pretty decent, it doesn't sound mixed at all, but it doesn't sound bad. You seem to go off beat a fuck ton though, lol.

Also, I know it feels weird at first when you're recording around people, but you really have to get past that. If you don't, you'll be whispering everything and the pseudo emotion isn't going to help that. I guess that just takes time though.

I'm totally fine recording around people, that isn't the issue. It's the issue of the loudness of which I record; I live in a dorm so there's people in each side of me in their rooms and I don't want complaints of loudness and racket, etc.

I have access to a studio about 6 hours away from me though.

And I go off beat a lot?

Thanks for the feed

[Eedee]

I really enjoyed this man, seems like a big improvement. Delivery was very...unique, I dunno. It's good though.

My only complaint is that the beat seems a little loud compared to your voice. Unless it's just my shitty laptop/ears. If I didn't have the lyrics, it woulda been hard to follow audibly.

Thanks man. I do plan to rerecord this and iron the volume/delivery out and whatnot. This is only a demo to see if the concept/lyrics were good, etc. I feel like this will be a good track for my collection and I'll definitely re-record later on at a real studio and iron our the kinks.

Thanks for listening,