Nothing Lasts Forever (Sinima)

[Spyder]

LOF


Nothing Lasts Forever


Let me start this story off by stating you were the one fucking it up
I was just another sucker in love trying to make something of us.
But break stuff’s what she does, just look at what we’ve become
Everyday this hates I just succumb, wait, we struggle and done.
If there was a problem we coulda chit-chatted, but we been at it
For the last six and half months not once did ya see my will shatter.
It’s a sick habit ya got, salvage and plot yeah you still at it…
Everything fabric-cated would hate it if your stories were mis-matchin’.
Every pic, chattin and I lost respect but does it matter?
Say it’s over and maybe so but everything said, still in the back of –
My head. Honestly wish I were dead but that’s the easiest route
Maybe I’m thinking me gone would actually be appeasing you now.
Seeing as how, you claim to love me wont even fuck me, Jesus it’s now
Been twelve weeks any part of you I see, seems like teasing me now.
Shit is eating me now, now, now, now im just repeating myself
Cant even rhyme right, in hindsight should say, “peace” and I’m out.

Ya maybe I made some mistakes too, I’m only human
Emotional roller coaster cruisin yeah, we both been through it.
Been dealing with this, feeling of being so secluded
Coulda just told you but ignored you to make sure you knew it.
That’s the last try of that cause ya that back fired hard
Though I still blame you for most, I guess I played my part.
Did I break my own heart? Choose to think my minds just off
Or did I really construct my noose, when we tied the knot?
Nah, but I admit I relive it, man sometimes im lost
Every piece of the puzzle was just another lie I caught.
Don’t know why I thought, we were in perfect harmony
No harming me, everything you did became a part of me.
Circling ourselves, fulfilling our own prophecy
It just got to me everyone but you sees the charm in me.
Loyal then you flip-flop I hate the hypocrisy
Understand this aint just another ode to hip-hop for me.

[Eedee]

Your mixing has improved dramatically. Great warmth and EQ to it, man.

As for the rapping, it seems like a step backwards from your last piece. You consistently cram syllables and stumble over your words. Huh... honestly sounds like you may be drunk or something.

When your first bar came on it sounded like Demaz haha, eerie...

[Solace]

Eedee hit the nail on the head. Felt like you got worse rather than improved. Your lines are extremely long and your flow is completely off.

[Spyder]

mmmmmm gonna have to disagree. multies hit exactly the same syllable every time on the drums.
as far as slurring i dont hear it but i guess maybe thats cause im saying it.

thanks bout the mixing though, i got better monitoring headphones so that may have done something.

[Solace]

Well I guess since you know the best you're on your way to becoming a number 1 rapper

I will refine my ears so in the future so I too can have a flow like yours

[Spyder]

well i guess i was looking for more of what menzo said with actual ways of how he sees it. not just sarcastic remarks not backing your statement at all

[Solace]

Well then for your sake I'm really glad Menzo posted

[Mr.DGAF]

You've got the end rhymes landing on the snare, but it's what you're doing in the middle that throws off the flow. There's parts in the first verse where you flow it pretty well, like Menzo quoted. The opening bars of the second verse are pretty dope in that regard. I can only guess, but it seems like the problem is your writing style. Don't get me wrong, you can definitely write. But your bars are super long, which leads to you cramming syllables in the middle. You gotta find that balance man. It's like a peanut butter & jelly sandwhich. Gotta have that mix; you're giving it too much jelly. Everything on the outside is fine. But inside your bars you've got some flow issues.

As for the slur, it does sound a bit jumbled early in the first verse. Not terribly inaudible or anything, just something to work on. To me you flow best on laid back beats. I've heard numerous verses where you flow it casually and it works pretty well. Keep at it bruh.

[Spyder]

Thanks for the feed guys, sorry if I seemed like a diva hahha just honestly thought I had something with this one and then it seems I went backwards LOL maybe the couple of months off hurt rather than helped.

[MistaVijilantee]

The lyrics read well like a poem.
But with the requirement that is a flow - as others have stated - you sometimes stretch it out.
The only thing I could say is try to think of short, catchier phrases.
You're obviously a competent lyricist and I'm not saying you should dumb it down in anyway shape or form, but a lot of MC's have got to learn - I'm working on this myself atm - that it's easier for the average listeners (Hip Hop heads aside) to understand the lyrics if they're quick & sharp, and of course are good, as yours already are.
Excuse the cliché but the majority of successful rappers - i.e Eminem, Jay Z - keep there lines short & sweet, not only is it that both MC's can spit, it's also because they're easy to understand without sounding unintelligent.
Nonetheless, I liked this song & I think you've definitely got something cool going, but work on the things I said above and it'll help you not only as a writer, but also as songwriter.