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Jaba - Voices (prod. by Pyth Wonder)

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Jaba - Voices (prod. by Pyth Wonder)

Postby Jaba » Oct 5th, '14, 20:38

Hey guys, like I said I am making a new EP. Here is the first single. Hoping I get some constructive feedback/responses. Also hoping this is an improvement from "Trapped".

Single Art (made by myself) - Image

Song - https://soundcloud.com/jaba2/voices

Credits -
Python for writing 1st and 3rd verse
Python for the beat
Mixed by Python
Myself for 2nd verse
Everyone from TR (especially Eedee/Pyth) for giving me good constructive criticism and shit to help me improve

Lyrics -
[Intro 0:01-0:12]
The more I sit here listening to these voices
The more I am convinced to keep going
Damn, haha
I just want to rap, man, it's my life
Sometimes I wonder if they're right, though...

[Verse 1 0:14-1:51]
Days pass, and life just gets harder
Hatred grows, and I feel so honored
To be able to share and keep my thoughts honest
Feel like I've been completely consumed in quicksand
But even when my body's been submersed, the rapping resumes
I just keep going even when the competition is fierce
Never stop until all them bitches are pierced
Darker soul than most, but that works in my favor
And the underdogs will have a new savior
Hate to sound cocky, but my confidence is at a high
Cause once I get going, there is no end in sight
And if the tides turn and I come out of this routine
Get out of this dead-end job like I had foreseen
Then it'll be me who has the last laugh, making you feel naive
But until that day might come
I'll just stay passing by night clubs
Never thinking to go in, just waiting to sight love
Watching the lights go by as I sit and stare on the sidewalk
Cruising around, just coming up with new bright thoughts
I never know what's gonna come next
The element of surprise has my love and respect
Imagine what could've happened if I never discovered Hip-Hop
No outlet to express my ideas, would've never recovered
Luck is on my side, it seems
It's all such a mystery, but that's life, man
I ain't going deep, but sometimes at night, man
My thoughts take a weird turn
Contemplating what's next, should I fear the worst?
Or should I just go all out, regardless of reactions
I was starting a retraction, but now I'm going all out
The stars spin at the speed of light
Here we go, don't fret, it'll be alright

Verse 2 (1:59 - 2:52):
Here we go, don't fret, be scared, but don't be upset
The voices are concerning to me, but to you, they're nothing
Especially while I'm on this mic, relaying my problems to you
Feeling like this is the only time of solace, it's true
Afraid of being criticized, even if they do it cause they care
I don't know where I'll make it, but I will, I will be there
This doesn't have to rhyme, every line I say is the truth.
I don't have a booth, I spit in my room, with an iPod mic, hooked up to a Macbook
Fucking first world problems right?
The only hope I have relies on if I overcome this feeling
Of dread and depression, feeling like my luck is fleeing
Even though I'm starting to see things change, the pessimism is still here
Complaining about fame when I ain't even famous, it's just weird
If I'm this afraid now, what'll happen when I become famous with lots of fans?
oh Jaba, mood swings reining your thoughts again?
shit make up your mind, you ball-less kid

Verse 3 (3:04 - 4:42):
Stellar communication, it is not hopeless
The voices grow stronger as long as I go, shit
Confrontation, dammit, I loathe it
I treat them as if they're nothing but haters
Maybe, they're just looking out for me, and I'm just crazed
Or just completely afraid
Bipolar mindset intact, it's wack
Trying to tell them I'm not just a knick-knack
Just a lot of unused potential, but even with that
They believe I'm still nothing more than a ripoff and a joke
Some give advice, most just scoff and just poke fun
Damn man, it's not this often I go on this long
The narrow road seems to go on for an eternity
Through this, I hope that you're starting to see
Why I'm so defensive, and what life is like through my field of vision
Even when I'm boasting, I feel like shit, it's insane
Not to sound like some fucking "woe is me" faggot
But I'm just so completely distracted
I want to come out of this slump, and dammit, I think I should
I will be more powerful than you possibly think I could
Look back on this song in 10 years, remembering where I stood
On a stage, in front of people who actually have respect
Damn that would be nice, shit, I hope I don't get neglect
So I will be right there
I've already decided where I'm destined to go
Mapped it all out, even the last step is known
I'm crashing this party, I'm trespassing on my foes
This is it, let's just go
This is my Mythos, this is everything I believe in
I'm here to stay, it's the rap game that I'm stealin'
But even when I'm at my most confident
Even when I've become a god within the game
I'll still be hearing the voices
I'll be hearing them until the day I die
Damn.
Image
Singin' "Bagpipes from Baghdad" again
In my dad's drag draggin' a faggot in a Glad bag
Won't be the last time I make a dramatic entrance like that again
You thought I was lyin' when I said I think that I'm crossin' the line again
I've lost my mind, caution oh God I think I've just thought of another fucking line
Forgive me father, for I have sinned
But hip hop has left me brainwashed with a violent streak
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Re: Jaba - Voices (prod. by Pyth Wonder)

Postby TheVipBro » Oct 5th, '14, 20:43

haven't heard this but that artwork reminds me of danny phantom

"Yo, Danny Fenton, he was just 14,
When his parents built a very strange machine.
It was designed to view, a world unseen.
When it didn't quite work, his folks, they just quit,
But then Danny took a look inside of it,
There was a great big flash, everything just changed,
His molecules got all rearranged!
When he first woke up, he realized,
He had snow white hair, and glowin' green eyes.
He could walk through walls, disappear, and fly,
He was much more unique than the other guys.
And it was then that he knew what he had to do,
He had to stop all the ghosts that were comin' through,
He's here to fight, for me and you!"
Danny such a goat rapper

i'll give this a listen and reply with review
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Re: Jaba - Voices (prod. by Pyth Wonder)

Postby Jaba » Oct 5th, '14, 20:50

Btw mixing is a bit choppy at times because according to Python he didn't have access to good software and it kinda fucked up a little bit during rendering.
Image
Singin' "Bagpipes from Baghdad" again
In my dad's drag draggin' a faggot in a Glad bag
Won't be the last time I make a dramatic entrance like that again
You thought I was lyin' when I said I think that I'm crossin' the line again
I've lost my mind, caution oh God I think I've just thought of another fucking line
Forgive me father, for I have sinned
But hip hop has left me brainwashed with a violent streak
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Jaba
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Re: Jaba - Voices (prod. by Pyth Wonder)

Postby TheVipBro » Oct 5th, '14, 21:03

Aight i heard it.
This is a HUGE improvement on the last set of songs you've made, delivery and voice is better, writing is still normal tho. The Production is good. Let me re-say that your voice is alot Better than before, i doesn't sound like whispering as it used to

For jaba standards this would be: 7/10
for rap standards this is: 2/10 maybe being really generous but not even i'm 5/10 so dw about dis

part i like:
"oh Jaba, mood swings reining your thoughts again?
shit make up your mind, you ball-less kid"
ImageImageImageImage
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InsaneTRex94 wrote:I say let people fuck who they want to fuck and die how they want to die, whether it be from a heart attack after a Big Mac or crushing their skulls under a weight they were trying to lift.
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Re: Jaba - Voices (prod. by Pyth Wonder)

Postby Jaba » Oct 5th, '14, 21:10

TheVipBro wrote:Aight i heard it.
This is a HUGE improvement on the last set of songs you've made, delivery and voice is better, writing is still normal tho. The Production is good. Let me re-say that your voice is alot Better than before, i doesn't sound like whispering as it used to

For jaba standards this would be: 7/10
for rap standards this is: 2/10 maybe being really generous but not even i'm 5/10 so dw about dis

part i like:
"oh Jaba, mood swings reining your thoughts again?
shit make up your mind, you ball-less kid"

Thanks, man. I too notice the difference between the Trapped EP and this. Python and Eedee have both been giving me constructive criticism. In addition to that, since Python's been sending me verses he wrote for the album, I've been really influenced to drift towards a better style. Mythos EP should be much better. I want people to like me because I'm a good rapper, not because I'm a "so bad he's good" rapper, lmao.
Image
Singin' "Bagpipes from Baghdad" again
In my dad's drag draggin' a faggot in a Glad bag
Won't be the last time I make a dramatic entrance like that again
You thought I was lyin' when I said I think that I'm crossin' the line again
I've lost my mind, caution oh God I think I've just thought of another fucking line
Forgive me father, for I have sinned
But hip hop has left me brainwashed with a violent streak
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Re: Jaba - Voices (prod. by Pyth Wonder)

Postby Rafael » Oct 5th, '14, 21:45

Your voice is still very monotone, and you have zero charisma.

Quit trying to improve your technical skill so much and focus more on your personality, because other than that you're just gonna be completely boring and unlistenable.

By the way, this isn't an attack.. Just more like harsh constructive criticism. I want to see your get better tbh
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Re: Jaba - Voices (prod. by Pyth Wonder)

Postby Jaba » Oct 5th, '14, 21:55

Rafael wrote:Your voice is still very monotone, and you have zero charisma.

Quit trying to improve your technical skill so much and focus more on your personality, because other than that you're just gonna be completely boring and unlistenable.

By the way, this isn't an attack.. Just more like harsh constructive criticism. I want to see your get better tbh


Yeah, this was more just a response to the Trapped EP's negative response. Trust me, the Mythos EP will way more diverse in style.
Image
Singin' "Bagpipes from Baghdad" again
In my dad's drag draggin' a faggot in a Glad bag
Won't be the last time I make a dramatic entrance like that again
You thought I was lyin' when I said I think that I'm crossin' the line again
I've lost my mind, caution oh God I think I've just thought of another fucking line
Forgive me father, for I have sinned
But hip hop has left me brainwashed with a violent streak
User avatar
Jaba
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Re: Jaba - Voices (prod. by Pyth Wonder)

Postby TheBoss123 » Oct 5th, '14, 23:27

You do need to work on your presence, just a suggestion though, maybe instead of recording an entire ep or whatever full of songs all at once, get criticism on a song by song basis until you feel confident enough to put something you really want people to hear out. I think youd make faster progress that way. From there youll hopefully improve until you come into your own style.

This is better than all of trapped I think. Your flow is still choppy though, just work on saying things smoothly, and listen to how your voice sounds to improve it.
" Life can change your directions, even when you ain't planned it
All you can do it handle it, worst thing you can do is panic
Use it to your advantage, avoid insanity manage
To conquer, every obstacle, make impossible possible
Even when winning illogical, losing is still far from optional.." -T.I.
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Re: Jaba - Voices (prod. by Pyth Wonder)

Postby Jaba » Oct 6th, '14, 01:50

Basedshady wrote:You wasted this beat with your delivery and voice, that's all I honestly have to say.

Improve that shit if possible if you're rapping in your regular voice, don't be a Cannabis.

From what I can tell, it seems to be my voice and delivery that is the main issue with the song. I'll most likely rerecord the song for the EP due to that. I've just been eager to get this song out, lol.
Image
Singin' "Bagpipes from Baghdad" again
In my dad's drag draggin' a faggot in a Glad bag
Won't be the last time I make a dramatic entrance like that again
You thought I was lyin' when I said I think that I'm crossin' the line again
I've lost my mind, caution oh God I think I've just thought of another fucking line
Forgive me father, for I have sinned
But hip hop has left me brainwashed with a violent streak
User avatar
Jaba
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Joined: Oct 12th, '13, 02:42
Location: The Hospital trying to find a Brain...
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Re: Jaba - Voices (prod. by Pyth Wonder)

Postby Shady Fable » Oct 8th, '14, 17:44

Yo man technical skill is sweet, but yeah like the others said, you need to improve your presence, try to develop your own voice and make it stand out
Slim Shady shit sounds like a fable to me
Until he jumps out of the fucking toilet when you're taking a pee.
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