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Musa - ...Free?

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Musa - ...Free?

Postby Shady Fable » Oct 8th, '14, 18:04

L.O.F viewtopic.php?f=38&t=174238&p=2803189#p2803189

Hi guys, I've been a lurker on this forum for like a year now and I write raps, I've got an idea for an EP but I really need a producer/s :flower: uh this is a rough draft of one of the songs, sorry the quality isn't great, when I was recording it I had no equipment so this is just a one take rap into a mobile while the beat was playing.
I haven't sung the hook but I know the melody, it's just it's supposed to be sung by a girl with a high pitched airy voice?

Would love any feedback :D

https://soundcloud.com/a-musa/free


Lyrics:
Just like marshall said,
I can't take the stress
Finished my AS
now I'm contemplating death
Don't know which way is best
Jump in front of a freight train
Or maybe plain just holding onto my breath
Probably take a bunch of meds
That's my safest bet
Don't wanna face the day
Gonna lay awake in my bed
C'mon let's face it
Life was made to end
People fussing over how meaningless days are spent
While my life is a mess
Praying for a grave instead
I wasn't always awkward, that is far from the truth
Nonsense, story of a troubled youth
Booed and excluded from each and every group
Just a fucking nuisance could never really find a crew
Each day is torture, ridiculed and riled at school
As anger builds, my thoughts aren't cool
At one point every tried to find a tool

Hook x2
Come with me
I'll make you see
There's a world out there
Just be your dreams
Don't get caught up
Don't you flee
The time will come when you'll be free

But I'm not the kind of guy who loses his mind and shoots
I'm an empty shell a fucking loser
Truthfully a pathetic excuse of a human
Wallow a lot to soothe me
Who knew sadness could be so time consuming
Days drift, grades slip, life's shit
No alternate way to phrase it
Failures imminent, afraid I won't make it
But wait
Just discovered that thoughts of kicking the bucket diminish the moment I attempt to spit sick lyrics, sure I suck at the beginning but give it a minute cause I'm convinced this is the thing I could truly rule at, so fuck it
I'm gonna take step back
And retrace all the steps
And have a look at how I made my way into this mess
Maybe it's best to get out of this bed
And listen to the voice of the chorus instead
And it says!

Hook x2

Ain't no problem I can't overcome
Bet you're still trying to figure it out
Triple negative bitches
Now fuck off all you twats
Cause raps got my back
I could fall for fourth feet and it'd still make the catch
The one to throw the rope to get me out of this dump
Won't ever succumb to the stress and end up depressed again
Truth be said my name is next on the list of legends
In fact you looking at the blueprint of a man who's gonna get rich or die trying, this world is mine, won't let this bitch called life kill my vibe
I'll drop the fucking world on your head if
That's what it takes to make it
Know why?
Cause I'm a motherfucking renegade
Now what the chorus say?

Hook x2

Could it be people still don't believe in my skill
Mate better Jayden it and leave a will
Cause I'm going in for the kill
I just need that thrill
Not gonna stop until
I receive that bill
Of at least three mill
Yes top of the chart
Finna flaunt all my cars
And just boast in these bars
Just like most of the others
Toast with bottles instead of glass
Top student of the craft
Man if the game were a school
I'd be the top of my class
Actually let's go back
You should know for a fact
That I'm not inspired by material objects
I do it cause I'm wired to and cause my heart requires respect
Just dreaming of the day dre calls me the best
So here I am on the start of the path to stardom
Going so hard after the rap game you better pack
At least ten fats to protect it
Get the message?
Slim Shady shit sounds like a fable to me
Until he jumps out of the fucking toilet when you're taking a pee.
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Re: Musa - ...Free?

Postby Shady Fable » Oct 13th, '14, 20:09

Cmon guys, anything, at least listen to it :L
Slim Shady shit sounds like a fable to me
Until he jumps out of the fucking toilet when you're taking a pee.
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Re: Musa - ...Free?

Postby Shady Fable » Oct 14th, '14, 10:03

Ok sweet, at least now I know what I can work on, do you have any good mix recommendations? And do you know where I can get my own beats? And we're the lyrics/flow/voice bad? If so any advice?
Slim Shady shit sounds like a fable to me
Until he jumps out of the fucking toilet when you're taking a pee.
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Re: Musa - ...Free?

Postby Eedee » Oct 14th, '14, 22:24

Yeah, basically you need a better mic and a better mix. That's the major thing.

You have some great lyrics and you seem to have the flow "down", but it's still a bit unnatural sounding. You can only get better with time/practice, so don't worry too much man.

I really loved the writing on this part:

But I'm not the kind of guy who loses his mind and shoots
I'm an empty shell a fucking loser
Truthfully a pathetic excuse of a human
Wallow a lot to soothe me
Who knew sadness could be so time consuming
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mdemaz wrote:dam
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Re: Musa - ...Free?

Postby DetroitSkills » Oct 17th, '14, 22:27

I can dig thevwritting, the recording not so much man
MMLP2 11.5.13
#teamEncore #teamEllenPage
"Enough rhymes to maybe try to help get some people through tough times
But I gotta keep a few punchlines just in case cause even you unsigned
Rappers are hungry looking at me like it's lunch time"
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Re: Musa - ...Free?

Postby Shady Fable » Oct 19th, '14, 17:28

Eedee wrote:Yeah, basically you need a better mic and a better mix. That's the major thing.

You have some great lyrics and you seem to have the flow "down", but it's still a bit unnatural sounding. You can only get better with time/practice, so don't worry too much man.

I really loved the writing on this part:

But I'm not the kind of guy who loses his mind and shoots
I'm an empty shell a fucking loser
Truthfully a pathetic excuse of a human
Wallow a lot to soothe me
Who knew sadness could be so time consuming


Thanks man, I really respect what you got going on music wise, what mic do you use out of interest? and what software would you recommend?

Really appreciate the love man, I'm just trying (as I'm sure you are) to get better every day
Slim Shady shit sounds like a fable to me
Until he jumps out of the fucking toilet when you're taking a pee.
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Re: Musa - ...Free?

Postby Shady Fable » Oct 19th, '14, 17:29

DetroitSkills wrote:I can dig thevwritting, the recording not so much man


Thanks man, working on it :happy:
Slim Shady shit sounds like a fable to me
Until he jumps out of the fucking toilet when you're taking a pee.
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Re: Musa - ...Free?

Postby Eedee » Oct 20th, '14, 02:46

Shady Fable wrote:
Thanks man, I really respect what you got going on music wise, what mic do you use out of interest? and what software would you recommend?

Really appreciate the love man, I'm just trying (as I'm sure you are) to get better every day


I use a Rode NT1-A at the moment (thinking of upgrading to NT2-A). I also use Cockos Reaper to record/mix/master.
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Re: Musa - ...Free?

Postby Le Tunisien » Nov 4th, '14, 00:40

work on your writing, structure, flow...try to make it flow better than this, and delivery try to put some more emotion, cuz you sound unconfident and flow sounds choppy ...you need to work harder
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