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***damn***

The forum for TRshady family audio songs and albums / mixtapes.

***damn***

Postby M-Pyre » Jan 31st, '08, 22:36

check this out right here!!!

http://www.zshare.net/audio/70621228972d83/

I'm the producer/writer/rapper :D
and plz leave some feed on this!!...thnks in advance

here are the lyrics......

don't come running at me once you have come to be/

One person to move the crowd,and spew a sound/
So unique, you need to prove your ground, through some rounds/
Do allow yourself to goof around, snoop around, lose a pound/
Or two, after you announce to shoot the cowards, through some foul/
Language, aroused to manage, some outstanding rhyme schemes/
I’m pleased, to find these fine lines I needed to find peace/
Within my mind, like pine trees at Christmas time/
I’m disinclined to like weed, It’s business time, I’m in this ride/
Like a rollercoaster, I’m a roll in posters, like a rover with stolen/
Toasters, got remote controlled boulders, to bowl you over/
With, don’t quit, don’t give up in the face of defeat/
Just raise the beat, to where its base will blaze the heat/
I’ll place the seat near the main speaker, so your veins will bleed almost instantly/ (this did not make the final cut)


Shit. Is this listener still sticking around, you need to get up, and get out/
My shit is like a foundation, the lowest support of structure/
I’ve struck verbs, like I’m hitting the dictionary/
I’ve popped nerves, shit, I’ve written every obituary/
In the book, it didn’t took, nothing a simple push on the button/
I’d never be fronting, I’m cleverly punching, every public/
Legacy, tougher then Lego pieces, so what, I got many reasons/
It’s tough, and there is plenty of reasoning to be dealt with/
An amount of rounds to be mounted to my mouth when clowns spit/
Where do you think this crown sits, on the top of my scalp bitch/
Even the devil has felt the savageness; I need help with the selfishness/
I’ve melted cool emcees for less then this, ya'll can’t mess with me/
A pest it seems,the best Mc to ever have tabt the scene so drasticly/

I guard the mic, like I’m part of it/
An archetype, will fight larger kids/
Like star light, I wonder how far it gets/
The hart inside, is starting to get/
Old and tired, no I wont retire/
I’m bold and cold like iron/
It’s like I got towed from road to road in silence/
No one to notice my mode I’m told to hide it/
Show no side, know why to hold your pride in/
Grow entirely on your own home grown mind and know why/
Throw the so called know it all poster into the fireplace/
And find a way, to find a life as great, you lie awake/
Every night and day, reminded by the nicest things/
You collided with, even if it was just a pile of things/
You relied on it, needed the sight to shine a bit/
Ride with it, side by side and Identify the lies with in/
Sooner or later you’ll find yourself trying to climb a hill/
Cause you fell by the slight push, of this so called friend/
Hold on man, cause they roll on when, they know all ten/
Tones you own, to own the tone you hold on when/
They throw it at you, to go and trap you/
So show m that new, altitude grapple/

enjoy people :D
the greatest is hated
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Re: ***damn***

Postby B.A.D. » Feb 1st, '08, 02:49

you should feed others first in order to recieve feed back
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Re: ***damn***

Postby Mc Cubz » Feb 1st, '08, 07:44

the beat was quite bad. the delivery and flow need improvement. props to the effort tho :y:
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Re: ***damn***

Postby M-Pyre » Feb 2nd, '08, 22:42

hmm thnks for the feed, still uppin for more :D

and yeah I will leave feed by the others
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Re: ***damn***

Postby Kez » Feb 3rd, '08, 16:02

Beat's not too bad

Acapella on the verses is too quiet, and the flow is quite off. The bit on the third verse when the beat goes off flows pretty well though. Your delivery is okay, slur a couple words at times due to runnin outta breath, but apart from that it's decent. Lyrics are pretty good though

Hook is okay, harmonizes decently, sounds a bit unnatural at times the way you say it though.

Overall i can see potential, you need to work more on your flow and delivery mainly, your lyrics are pretty good. I thought your hook was pretty good too, so keep it up and feed some more poeple :whistle: :p
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Re: ***damn***

Postby M-Pyre » Feb 5th, '08, 00:47

thnks for the feed, btw this is my first full song that I have created
ow and I'm all ready feeding on others if you would ask :p but it would be easier if you would give me your songs you would want me to give feedback on, you scratch my back I scratch your back :8)

but keep the feed coming people
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Re: ***damn***

Postby B.A.D. » Feb 5th, '08, 04:50

you got like KEZ says the potential

but you tryn to say too many words on one phrase, prolly thats the main reason u ran outta breath

the rhymes/concept/flow is top, great job on there

and the song itself its good, just work on the quality and on the writing... oh and don't force rhymes a lot...

thrid verse is great!

good job**

yo, you said u can feed others... listen to my single breathe

its on a topic on this same section called "Big Ax-D - Breathe!"

thnks in advance

and again, good job on this song, keep practicing
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Re: ***damn***

Postby M-Pyre » Feb 5th, '08, 13:47

yeah thnks man, I'll do that after I get home from work
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Re: ***damn***

Postby Nu Syd » Feb 8th, '08, 02:36

not likeing the chorus,also verses needed a boost, as previously said, overall not bad man, verses were pretty good actually, beat is not THAT bad, stay up
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