GO TO MY LAST POST![I CANT RAP]

[Darkblade44431]

Ok, obviously there are some minor tweaks to work out. But other than that, i think it mostly came out good. Please provide feedback. Also, thanks to Tash8 for providing the beat.
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EDIT:
I compressed it to an mp3, here you go, sorry about any inconvenience people.
Link:
http://www.zshare.net/audio/127449619fb9bfec/

EDIT, AGAIN:
Here is the re-recorded version. And, yeah, there are still microphone problems, but fuck it, i can never get those completely gone anyways with my recording system set-up.
Ok, well, i think its better. Please give feedback and tell me if the delivery is any better. Cuz i dont even know if i can tell, dont think i sound bored like i did on other recording though...but that might be cuz i recorded it. Just let me know.

http://www.zshare.net/audio/127967363ce0e20f/

[Kez]

...won't load for me.

[Darkblade44431]

well...idk, its loading for me, but slowly. Just keep it paused then wait a few minutes and try and click play again. thats what i had to do. If that doesnt work, then just try downloading it.

[Kez]

Finally loaded for me

Now, the funny thing is...i used this beat ages ago.
The lyrics are pretty good for the most part
Concept is alright
Flow and delivery isn't as good; the delivery in particular you sound too emotionless and bored
The hook's alright but it's not seperated from the verses very well.

[Darkblade44431]

About it finally loading, i am really sorry...cuz its 55MB, no wonder...i'm compress that into an mp3.
Anyways, as far as the comment, thanks. Well, about the delivery, i know people will probably think its boredom, but what i'm trying to do is kinda get that effect like eminem had in "murder murder" off the slim shady EP, or some parts of "one mic" by Nas, off the stillmatic album. I think i'm just havin trouble with the sound of me being calm and still get in what i want to say at the same time. Trust me though, it was much worse delivery the first time i recorded this. Thanks for the feedback though Kez, and if i get enough comments about the delivery, i guess i'll probably change it, because i'm just not sure about that yet...oh yeah, and about that hook, i guess i can't really change it for this song. But i'll try to work on that and remember it for future songs.

I'll edit the first post with the mp3 link instead, much easier to view.
Edit: nvm, when i do that, it shortens my song. I'll get it later.
Edit, again: ok, i'm getting it to an mp3 now.

[Kosovic]

MaKe it an mp3

[<VerbalTouch>]

keeps stopping

[Darkblade44431]

thats cuz its a 55mb .wav file, hold on just a minute.
ok, i got it

[<VerbalTouch>]

Well you got alot better but you sound bored with it speak up use emotion it may sound good someda rhymes are too basic.

[Darkblade44431]

Ok, well my new song i'm workin on i think has better rhymes. But i'm really not feelin when people say i'm bored...i dont know...just listen to "murder murder" by eminem and compare it or somethin, i'm goin for that effect, but i dont think he seems bored. I just think he remains calm while all that is happening, thats the effect i'm going for. Thanks for feedback though djblue.

[Darkblade44431]

lol, alright, you got to me, three comments is enough, especially when one person JUST heard "murder murder", which is the effect i'm going for. So i will switch it up a bit, lol, thats funny, "once you get the sound right, you'll be better than me". Yeah, lol, on the other songs, i didnt know what to do with the beat, but this, i did actually listen while rapping it. So i think it helped. Ok then...umm...alright, i plan on fixing this tomorrow or another time my parents arent home. Thanks for feedback Chet.

[<VerbalTouch>]

so your trying to be eminem in other words tryin to take his swag hmm?

[Darkblade44431]

no, i wasnt even thinking about that song when i wrote this. But it's meant to be a calm sounding song through most of it, and i realized after i wrote that it sounded somewhat like "murder murder", as far as the emotion and calm factor go.

[Darkblade44431]

bump..somebody, please give feedback

[DelinQuent]

well the positive think, is youre beinh honest lmao i'm playin.

i like the idea of the song, it's very unique.

your flow is bad, your delivery is horrible. this sounds like spoken poetry. you gotta have some attitude to your voice. you say you went for a murder murder effect but in murder murder he put emphasis on his words, you just rap like you're having a conversation that happens to rhyme here and there. like someone else said around 2:00 you got a little better. you need a lot of work. but just keep working i'm looking forward to hearing you progress.