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Devil On my Bed (First Angevilish Track)

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Devil On my Bed (First Angevilish Track)

Postby Angevilish » Sep 15th, '08, 07:15

This is the first track labeled with Angevilish, my alter ego...This is one of the oldest songs I ever wrote (3 years ago I guess) I re-recorded it recently.
the song is inspired by true events. anyways, I was essentially experimenting with this shit, especially vocals wise, as the devil is the one who's telling the story, I always try to be different, so I'm sure I'm gonna get mixed reviews but it's all good... :happy:

check it out:
http://www.soundclick.com/Iphorill

Lyrics:
Devil on my bed
{Verse1}
it passed 10 pm his eyes seek for sleepin’
but at the same time they surly adore peepin’
at every little thing form that bleak window
but he blinks a lot at every weak wind blow
his heart is full of notions in emotion
his head is pretty much like oceans of commotion
he thinks about a bedtime story,
it’s a desperate measure but it’s gettin’ midnight so he
must do sumthin’ to sleep somehow
the story doesn’t work he feels like a dumb now
the thoughts got his head spinnin’ like it’s never been
a dream got his eyelid shiverin’
he whispered, “thank God I was dreamin’ “
but it wasn’t a dream then he starts screamin’

{Hook}
X2
Devil on my...Devil on my bed
help me god I don’t wanna die yet
Devil on my bed...Devil on my bed
why me? is it sumthin’ I did
Devil on my bed...Devil on my bed
I’m so numb from my toes to my head
Devil on my bed...
It’s not a riddle I said there’s a devil on my bed

{Verse2}
too many devils not only one he’s tightly besieged
he cries out loud hopefully he might believed
they wait for the night to be leached to possess him
the begs them to stop but they aint willing to listen
they won’t let him get a rest they aint slowin’ down
he feels like he’s goin’ down, low in ground
he’s chokin’ now, he starts prayin’
he’s petrified his body is dehydratin’
every part is fadin’ till it doesn’t exist
he feels like his chest is bein’ hit with a big fist
his face is stiff from ear to ear
he can’t scream & if he could there’s no one near to hear
here’s a tear comin’, it’s gonna be his last
he never thought his lifetime would end this fast
{hook}

{Verse3}
the night is over but he didn’t die yet
he told his mom what happened but she didn’t buy it
he was cryin’ thinkin’ about last night
he took a look at the sky to be his last sight
his past might be catastrophic
from the beginning through middle to the last of it
but still he would like to relive every day went by
then try freezin’ time
just to avoid the devils he’s facin’ these dayz
no salvation no matter how hard he prays
{Bridge}
He’s begging the sky...
Please just let me fly...
{Hook}
you wanna know what I Believe? I believe that....every one has his own Devil...
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Re: Devil On my Bed (First Angevilish Track)

Postby ,-,'-{Bar}-',-, » Sep 15th, '08, 11:30

my only advice i can give is get a new mic before recording again, you got devliery but the mic doesnt pic it up, i think your prouncation is good but the mic peeks so easily its all got interfearence in it. so really the quality ruins what could be a dope track coz the beats sick imo :y:


you could get a good quality mic (were the quality wont ruin your tracks) for about £20 so id highly recomend getting one asap coz the track defiantly has the makings of a good song just quality tuins your skills.
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Re: Devil On my Bed (First Angevilish Track)

Postby DelinQuent » Sep 15th, '08, 18:07

delivery sounds solid, flow seems okay. pronunciation is also decent.

hook was weak.

lyrics were decent, i liked the deeper thoughts that were in this.

i kinda liked the bridge, kinda didnt. lol.

as bar said, a decent mic would make this 5x better. definately a good first song. :y:
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Re: Devil On my Bed (First Angevilish Track)

Postby °[~CHR!$~]° » Sep 15th, '08, 18:46

yeah definitly a new quality will help
the lyrics are kool and the flow was solid
delievery was there but at the same time wasnt there cuz of the low quality lol
and about the hook...it actually was kind of good....the 3rd Devil on My Bed had the right tune....but the other Devil On My Bed (s) were annoying after a time... :p
and the bridge was weak :y:
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Re: Devil On my Bed (First Angevilish Track)

Postby Angevilish » Sep 16th, '08, 06:42

thanx for the feed everyone...It' highly appreciated... :worship:
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Re: Devil On my Bed (First Angevilish Track)

Postby Speech » Sep 16th, '08, 07:36

beat is cool man, nice choice
and for the delivery i can only say what the others said (new mic etc.)
hmm sounds like you can sing but the quality fucks this up too
other than that, nice try keep that stuff up
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Re: Devil On my Bed (First Angevilish Track)

Postby Angevilish » Sep 16th, '08, 08:09

props man...& yeah I'm gettin' that mic. & btw, I made the beat myself : :thumbsup2:
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Re: Devil On my Bed (First Angevilish Track)

Postby Xray » Sep 16th, '08, 09:50

only thing good about this song is the beat. cause the delivery is very very weak. putting on a fake xzibit voice? wtf is up with that? didn't like the delivery one bit. the flow was average nothing special. lyrics were also average. your beats are pretty good so keep that up, but as your "rapping" career. need to let your original voice take over, and get your self new gear cause listening to that almost ripped my ears open.
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Re: Devil On my Bed (First Angevilish Track)

Postby Kez » Sep 16th, '08, 10:48

I don't mention quality unless it's really bad, but this is bad.

I agree with SaJJad, i didn't like the Xzibit attempt. To be honest i couldn't concentrate on the lyrics or anything else cause of the quality.

Hook could have been good. but your singing aint too good, should have got someone to do the singing part for you.
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Re: Devil On my Bed (First Angevilish Track)

Postby Angevilish » Sep 16th, '08, 12:36

thanx for the feed guys... :y:
as I mentioned in the first post, I was merely experimenting...& as for my voice , I was just tryin' to do the Devil part, that ain't gonna be my voice in all the songs.
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Re: Devil On my Bed (First Angevilish Track)

Postby Raf Remix » Sep 16th, '08, 13:16

lmao..its like yr taking a shit and decided to do a rap.. wtf with the chorus..

:wave:
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Re: Devil On my Bed (First Angevilish Track)

Postby Angevilish » Sep 16th, '08, 13:18

^oh..that's cool, lol at least I post my threads in the right place!
haha...
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Re: Devil On my Bed (First Angevilish Track)

Postby Raf Remix » Sep 16th, '08, 13:28

^ dude listen,,,u talk shit

lets do this. dont talk to me and i wont talk to u.

im new here so aint use to where to post. and im not hear to beef but not guna take any crap from people.

i heard this forum was mature and nice...tats y i came here...
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Re: Devil On my Bed (First Angevilish Track)

Postby Angevilish » Sep 16th, '08, 13:48

well...chill out man. I won't talk to you if that's what you want.
lol
& welcome to the forum! but next time read some guidelines before you get started...no hard feelings


now let's get more feed on this guys... :smoking:
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Re: Devil On my Bed (First Angevilish Track)

Postby SajN » Sep 16th, '08, 13:56

Delivery is ok, guess it's the quality who might messed it up..
Lyrics are good!
Flow is also cool.


Keep it up :y:
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