Blue Pills (Purple pills rewrite)

[mceddie]

uhm this is a 30 second clip of a song im workin on to the beat of purple pills by d12. im new at rappin so it probably sucks, but opinions are welcomed.

Lyrics:
4 pills, pills i pop
till i feel like my heart wont stop
did so many pills, that my legs just drop
till all i can do on this dance floor is flop
im like a fish outa water, high and dry
will some one please remind that i cant fly?
im feeling pretty stupid so i just might try
i think ima jump im sure i wont die
so many pills, in different colors and sizes
with every second pill my blood pressure rises
till im a super man, just like that one pill blue
guess what, i jumped and i really flew
some one stop me before i do something stupid
too late, ran around shootin arrows like im cupid
dumb, sure, high of course, but not dead
well for now anyways, bloods flowin in my head

[mceddie]

flow was pretty good man

Delivery needs work, cause that voice will not work. You need more energy

Quality was bad, but more then good enough for my ears

Good start just starting

thanks, you're right, im not happy with the voice or quality, i need to work on those. my mic kinda sucks lol. and it seems to me like i need to use a different voice than my real voice for when i rap, but at the same time i dont wanna seem fake.