Word-I only rap coz i can't afford a shovel

[threeandtwenty]

did you really think that was the song name ....
Edit:New Hook Same Song
Word-reaper.mp3
Old Hook
Word-intent to Kill.mp3,divshare
http://www.zshare.net/audio/594006883b908d39/

ive really tried to make changes according to the feedback on my last song...took quite a while for me to do this.if you have anything constructive (or destructive even),dont hold back.
snowgoons beat

[intro]
I've been told my mind-state,is kinda morbid,
i cant find a chainsaw to slice your carotid
slaughter jigsaw,laugh and record it
make that pig mask a part of my out fit

bump in the trunk isn't from the speakers
arm leg leg...and a pair of sneakers
slaughters the only cure for my sickness
god dealt me a hand with three sixes
Ellen,tell'em to come after me
I awfully grazed his anatomy
dont think you'd agree,but its no biggie
like the opposite of nigger i cut off his knee.
outcast by the world cornered into a wall,
contemplate turn around and kill them all.

Bloody ax in the woodshed paradigm
SH,im shakin heads,they're not mine
i drew guidelines and they all just copied
no-please,my second name is not vorhees

fourty five bullets'll leave you dyin
im lyin,coz i dont need a nine
they find bike spokes stuck in ya spine
come in with a blade or chainsaw
walk out the door with a bloodstain paw
like charles manson,only im handsome
five dead bodies,no notes of ransom

[hook]
amongst other devils i cant be civil
my ankles are points of ridiculous evil
bring my own sickle,might lack your muscle
but my ankles are points of ridiculous evil

the intent to kill is all it takes
my blade scrapes all from neck to waist

[flame]
get your burners out if you think you're not ready
follow with a bottle of scotch and a machetti (x2)

aerosol flame thrower gimmie one match
and ill burn a range rover down to a black patch
body disposal with no forensic evidence
apathy is a pittance to pay for vengence
chain me to the wall I'm a mad babboon
or put me in a straight jacket,in a padded room
i dont have enemies,mad at the whole world
drunk a bottle of humanity an im 'bout to hurl

do i define murder in the lines i rhyme
confine this rendition of my thoughts of crime
to repetition on a page,and a mic sometimes
or should i rip my cage and define sublime....hatred

[hook..with hatred repeated]

to clear a couple of my lines up:

ellen,tell em to come after me
i awfully grazed his anatomy
dont think youd agree but its no biggie
like the opposite of nigger i cut off his knee

is not me being racist...i meant the opposite of knee-grow.and ellen (apparently) is the actress in greys anatomy.

oh and vorhees is jason second name.in case.

[°[~CHR!$~]°]

your flow is on some good shit man..defo an improvement...keep at it
lyrics were nice man....delievery still could need some work...more energy...like almost screaming but not that your mic fucks up lol
hook was weak..didnt flow well....
keep it up

[preest]

the beat on this shit was fucking sick!!!! I think you need to work on your delivery abit but the imagination in your lyrics is there which I liked, rhyming was ok too.

the only thing was the delivery, if that gets sorted your looking at a pretty dark, sick track!

nice

[threeandtwenty]

thanks for listening to it ...tr's basically my only source of feedback coz i live amongst rock heads.no one feels eminem/nas/any rap what-so-ever down here...like living in the stone age .so it means a lot to me.

delievery still could need some work...more energy...like almost screaming but not that your mic fucks up lol

I think you need to work on your delivery abit
the only thing was the delivery, if that gets sorted your looking at a pretty dark, sick track!

X said the same thing...but i dont get the difference between delivery and flow.is it the way i pronounce words or the way i end sentences?..can you name a main stream rapper with good delivery and one with bad delivery so i can compare.

hook was weak..didnt flow well....

yeah...thanks,i realize the hook is kinda corny after listening again.workin on another lol.how can i produce my voice to sound a bit clearer (is theres a way?)

[MoBrat]

was a lot better then i expected only problem was when u say hatred by the end it pops reall hard can tell u looped that part where u said hatred but other then that its good

[threeandtwenty]

was a lot better then i expected only problem was when u say hatred by the end it pops reall hard can tell u looped that part where u said hatred but other then that its good

thanks yo
changed the hook,i've tried something a little different.unorthodox lol,check it if you can.

[°[~CHR!$~]°]

umm examples for delievery.....The Way I Am by Eminem....is for example an angry delievery....
same goes for Cleaning Out My Closet....angry delievery...or Kim is angry delievery
when you look at tracks like Mockingbird its a more mellow delievery the way his voice sounds...get it?
delievery is the way you deliever your voice aka the way you make your voice sound...confident,energetic,mellow,crazy,psycho-ish...just to name some different delieveries
flow on the other hand is about lyrics...how many syllables you use for a line....so in the easiest case the rhyme always ends on a snare..but you can play with flow and make the ryhme end on an hit hat or somthin else...just so the flow is structured which structures your lyrics which seems cleaner(?) to the audience

about the hook...this time the flow was allright but you delievered it funny....sounded like you are about to die or somthin....dont like that voice you tried to deliever....so yeah...
keep workin....i would say keep your normal voice for the whole track...

[threeandtwenty]

...i owe you.
for my album release party...Chris gets first invite