Rap Demo on "Not Afraid" Instrumental check it out!!

[ProjectLopez]

I would love to get some feedback on this demo..
its a hard beat to rap on but let me know what you think...
its produced out of my closet I have 0 experience with production or anything like that let me know what u think!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ly5b2aH7LaY
cheers thanks!
I post it here because Eminem is probably the biggest influence on my Lyrics

[E-40]

Wetback

[ChronicJon]

[Solace]

No offense but that made me laugh.

[theJFKshow]

I think it's time to move on and try other things like working at KFC.

[j3andit]

dude this was horrible.

you suck at punching in, you have no delivery, and NOTHING of this flows

the chorus sounds like a retard made it.


there is nothing to like about this.

dude I just recorded my first song like a week ago...and I'm like eminem compared to you...im not even saying im that good..but jesus god bro..you should really give up..

this is part of a demo? demo for who? Barney? Telletubbies? The Wiggles?
^^(wtf at the w.i.g.g.l.e.s. getting censored?)


"id like to take a second if i just could/
people sayin i shouldnt rap, well im guessin i should/
damn this is good, you know you would if you could/"

HORRIBLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DONT EVER DISGRACE ANYBODY WITH YOUR MUSIC AGAIN....if u can even call this music

sorry if this seems downright hateful, but bro. you can't really be serious about shopping this to a label? if you are, you're a fucktard. delete your youtube account, delete your soundclick if you have one..and go back to being a fan of hip hop. there are way too many wannabe MC's with nothing new to bring to the table, and honestly the only thing this brings to the table is termites.

[Solace]

^It may seem like mad hate, but he actually gave the reasons as to why it sucked balls.

[Noeezy]

If you're tryna get signed you better have a close relative/friend in a record label to get signed with that quality... and even then it's a stretch to say that's possible.
A record label executive would listen to about the first 20 seconds of the verse, laugh, and throw it in the trash. Not tryna hate but you're going to have to try a lot harder than that if you're serious about a career in music. They get demos all the time from tons of talented rappers that when compared to that would make horse piss taste like Patron.

Here's a rapper that recently got signed named J. Cole, listen to what he brings to the table and you'll see what is expected of you from record labels (if you want to be taken serious)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jNlkVXGAoIU
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-dyPeGDeS3o