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My first attempt at writing... feedback please!!

My first attempt at writing... feedback please!!

Postby sneakerheadshady » Sep 18th, '13, 20:20

Im in the process of editing the lyrics and recording it, so when i feel like its done ill try to post final version... for now feedback would be great!! - sneakerheadshady

the beat:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EyhDGhA9 ... 6OxSf8Hqbg

Freestyle:

mr. white, mr white when we slingin that crystal? Yo its 5ive letta word, i aint about that life!!

I feel like i can fly, aint never known to get high, when you hear this verse you gonna curl up and die
i know some people say shit, bout how my skins white (whyyt) I don't give two flips, comin at em with two fists (paciqo bitch). my flows intergalactic, but i aint George Lucas.(lukiss). when girls hear my flow, they gonna kiss me and show tits. and later i might see what i can do with this big stick. (diiickkkk)
I'll kill 100 MC's (pause) with my blazing speed, some rappers might be faster but im not doing weed. and the same goes for speed. when snoop is hitting the bong, im teachin kids the difference between doin whats right and whats wrong. treat girls with respect, that's what i've known all along. You don't need to hit that just cause shes wearing a thong. im in this to win and im not gonna stop, all you haters just wait for my album to drop. It'll be full of dope shit, from bottom to top, when you listen just pray that you wont choke. cause you all need new rhymes, yours rhymes are a joke. reevaluate your life, go meet with the pope. this is it, im done with this song, im tired of teaching you whats right and whats wrong. It's your life, now go make your own song.

yo its 5ive letta word!
catch the album!
yo... im out.
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#Silver #Rolly #bigray #Pain #flamez #charlotte #Hage #Samantha #guilty #eedee #horsefam #snake #raul #EG
horse wrote:You’ll never go gold, that’s why you’re just silver

Sneakerheads check out the sneaker thread!
viewtopic.php?f=29&t=164272&start=15
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Re: My first attempt at writing... feedback please!!

Postby Flamez » Sep 18th, '13, 20:42

Should of posted this in the Creative Writing section not here in the C.W. Lounge. And before posting you should give feedback to someone else man.

I don't wanna seem like a dick, but read the CW rules before posting. :coffee:
viewtopic.php?f=24&t=99315
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Re: My first attempt at writing... feedback please!!

Postby sneakerheadshady » Sep 18th, '13, 20:49

dude im really sorry, i didnt know
Image
#Silver #Rolly #bigray #Pain #flamez #charlotte #Hage #Samantha #guilty #eedee #horsefam #snake #raul #EG
horse wrote:You’ll never go gold, that’s why you’re just silver

Sneakerheads check out the sneaker thread!
viewtopic.php?f=29&t=164272&start=15
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Re: My first attempt at writing... feedback please!!

Postby Sobecaspur » Jan 1st, '14, 03:39

hey can i have my shoe back?
sobe from kc,
justly hyped forum is Right .
My memories of to be or not to be .
RAH started out and ended in our names, time only tells beauty standing still .
Hard to reach on my own private world alone, one Cinderella shoe that needed to fall.
Fathers the orange he bounced us around often, might as well been thrown out of the window like your mom was talking.
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