The TRshady Forum became read-only in December 2014. The 10 year history will live on, in this archive.
Continue the discussion with the new home for the Eminem and Hip Hop discussion: HipHopShelter.com.

This is Hip Hop?

Want to share a poem, story or a moving article? Share creative literature text here.

This is Hip Hop?

Postby JamaicanPattlez » Oct 13th, '11, 05:28

I've been cursed with the birth of a new found talent,
And it hurts even worse when it's proved unbalanced,
It's the power to speak louder with penned down lyrics,
I've now found that being around can make men sound livid,
Lots of wack rappers are seen fishing for hooks,
I thought fact of the matter was kitchen's for cooks,
Hip Hop ain't dead, it's just under the weather,
It's not getting fed, and shit's starting to test her,
There's lame brains like Lil Wayne and Waka Flocka Flame,
All I hear is the same game: dames and talkin' 'bout the fame,
I blame them, these guys are the reason why we're in trouble,
These might be defined as people who are known to smoke mufflers,
And now I hear people saying that I'm just trying to be Shady,
I'm just endowed to adhere your fear, is that so wrong? (maybe, teehee!)
I'm just known to jack your throne, so don't you get cocky,
You're not even a whole bowl of fruits, you're more like some broccoli.

http://forum.trshady.com:80/viewtopic.p ... 4#p1783434
Horsebot3K wrote:
Usernamesarehard wrote:My dick is going in your mouth whether you like it or not bipolar fuck boy.

Image
User avatar
JamaicanPattlez
Renegade
Renegade
 
Posts: 2656
Joined: Dec 26th, '10, 05:57
Gender: Male

Re: This is Hip Hop?

Postby Ka0t1c » Oct 13th, '11, 06:17

the answer is yes, it was a mighty fine and dandy piece that shows off a lot of aspects of hip hop and i sir, approve of this type of behavior, signed, Ka0t1c
oh yeah... and thanks for nothing too
User avatar
Ka0t1c
Role Model
Role Model
 
Posts: 3919
Joined: Nov 16th, '05, 08:28
Location: Hell, Room #5150
Gender: Male

Re: This is Hip Hop?

Postby JamaicanPattlez » Oct 13th, '11, 06:21

Ka0t1c wrote:the answer is yes, it was a mighty fine and dandy piece that shows off a lot of aspects of hip hop and i sir, approve of this type of behavior, signed, Ka0t1c



Thanks! :D Just the response I was looking for. :y: Great that you liked it!
Horsebot3K wrote:
Usernamesarehard wrote:My dick is going in your mouth whether you like it or not bipolar fuck boy.

Image
User avatar
JamaicanPattlez
Renegade
Renegade
 
Posts: 2656
Joined: Dec 26th, '10, 05:57
Gender: Male

Re: This is Hip Hop?

Postby Sam. » Oct 13th, '11, 19:38

Lot's of forced Rhyming just to get the full line Multi ,why ? This threw the flow of in th Bars that had them.I'm sorry I like the content but this is too much.
[Rollefsen] - SajN retired, bitch got old, unlike Sams "ladies".
Image
Image
User avatar
Sam.
Bad Influence
Bad Influence
 
Posts: 16630
Joined: Jun 7th, '10, 11:10
Location: India
Gender: Male

Re: This is Hip Hop?

Postby mdemaz » Oct 13th, '11, 19:47

Looks pretty sweet, but, Sam is sorta right..
ImageImageImage
s/o to Eedee Python CP Horse Snake Pain SaJn Silver Cement Excitaz PK Rolly GW EG Charlotte Kasia Mel Wiz Solace TRex SliK Aone Atone Trimss Menzo Geno Fish Jaba Detroit Blogs Based lil_b IBR DA! Mono ROM NRG Bigray Hesky Francesco Yoda Noddy Raul
Just Silver wrote:I think every guy should massage their prostate at least once

Image
User avatar
mdemaz
Addict
Addict
 
Posts: 10208
Joined: Dec 6th, '10, 12:09
Location: Brisbane, Australia
Gender: Male

Re: This is Hip Hop?

Postby JamaicanPattlez » Oct 13th, '11, 20:08

Sam. wrote:Lot's of forced Rhyming just to get the full line Multi ,why ? This threw the flow of in th Bars that had them.I'm sorry I like the content but this is too much.



Which ones for example, can you point them out? Damn, I thought I had it this time..
Horsebot3K wrote:
Usernamesarehard wrote:My dick is going in your mouth whether you like it or not bipolar fuck boy.

Image
User avatar
JamaicanPattlez
Renegade
Renegade
 
Posts: 2656
Joined: Dec 26th, '10, 05:57
Gender: Male

Re: This is Hip Hop?

Postby Sam. » Oct 13th, '11, 20:18

JamaicanPattlez wrote:
Sam. wrote:Lot's of forced Rhyming just to get the full line Multi ,why ? This threw the flow of in th Bars that had them.I'm sorry I like the content but this is too much.



Which ones for example, can you point them out? Damn, I thought I had it this time..


Lots of wack rappers are seen fishing for hooks,
I thought fact of the matter was kitchen's for cooks,
Hip Hop ain't dead, it's just under the weather,
It's not getting fed, and shit's starting to test her,
[Rollefsen] - SajN retired, bitch got old, unlike Sams "ladies".
Image
Image
User avatar
Sam.
Bad Influence
Bad Influence
 
Posts: 16630
Joined: Jun 7th, '10, 11:10
Location: India
Gender: Male

Re: This is Hip Hop?

Postby JamaicanPattlez » Oct 13th, '11, 20:19

Sam. wrote:
JamaicanPattlez wrote:
Sam. wrote:Lot's of forced Rhyming just to get the full line Multi ,why ? This threw the flow of in th Bars that had them.I'm sorry I like the content but this is too much.



Which ones for example, can you point them out? Damn, I thought I had it this time..


Lots of wack rappers are seen fishing for hooks,
I thought fact of the matter was kitchen's for cooks,
Hip Hop ain't dead, it's just under the weather,
It's not getting fed, and shit's starting to test her,


Honestly, I loved those lines. :confusion: Ah dammit. Back the pad I go.
Horsebot3K wrote:
Usernamesarehard wrote:My dick is going in your mouth whether you like it or not bipolar fuck boy.

Image
User avatar
JamaicanPattlez
Renegade
Renegade
 
Posts: 2656
Joined: Dec 26th, '10, 05:57
Gender: Male

Re: This is Hip Hop?

Postby JamaicanPattlez » Oct 13th, '11, 22:56

GameTheory wrote:I'm late. :shifty:

That was real nice, I only found these forced but the rest is good:
It's the power to speak louder with penned down lyrics,
I've now found that being around can make men sound livid
-
I blame them, these guys are the reason why we're in trouble,
These might be defined as people who are known to smoke mufflers

Other than that it was tight, I was reading it and Joe Budden's voice popped in my head. :unsure:
Great multi's, nice flow and you managed to pull the concept of Hip Hop without being repetitive (Which is rare tbh) .. Just gotta give more attention to the flow than the multi's ya know, avoid the 'forced' feeling haha.

Great job. :y:



That's exactly what I was going for, especially in the forced lines. Joe's been an influence recently, so I wanted to see if I could use lines he'd use. Nobody else mentioned that, props. :y: Thanks for feeding! I'll keep going back to the lab and improve.
Horsebot3K wrote:
Usernamesarehard wrote:My dick is going in your mouth whether you like it or not bipolar fuck boy.

Image
User avatar
JamaicanPattlez
Renegade
Renegade
 
Posts: 2656
Joined: Dec 26th, '10, 05:57
Gender: Male

Re: This is Hip Hop?

Postby JamaicanPattlez » Oct 14th, '11, 03:36

Geno wrote:I thought I already fed this lol. Some rhymes seemed a bit forced like lyrics / livid (I know this was a bigger multi, but that part seemed weird)

Other than that it's dope. I liked your Lil Wayne bar the most.

There's lame brains like Lil Wayne and Waka Flocka Flame,
All I hear is the same game: dames and talkin' 'bout the fame,

Flowed really well


Yeah, I kinda figured... don't worry, I'll drop something tonight that'll show my improvement lol. I was trying to add more metaphors and punches in my work, and I guess the flow suffered for it this time. Ah well, it flowed well to me lol. Thanks for the feed! :y:
Horsebot3K wrote:
Usernamesarehard wrote:My dick is going in your mouth whether you like it or not bipolar fuck boy.

Image
User avatar
JamaicanPattlez
Renegade
Renegade
 
Posts: 2656
Joined: Dec 26th, '10, 05:57
Gender: Male

Re: This is Hip Hop?

Postby Words » Oct 17th, '11, 15:53

Really liked it, Lame brains- Lil Wayne Flocka Flame :worship:
Good piece all around, some multi's were a little, tiny bit, forced but it was minor. It was easy to overlook due to other aspects of the piece. :y:


P.S Sorry for the late feed. I haven't had much time lately to do things outside of work/school etc. but when I saw this I wanted to feed it, just didn't have the time. :unsure:
Image
Blu wrote:I think Words is my new favorite member.. haha Thanks man! :y:
User avatar
Words
Trailer Trash
Trailer Trash
 
Posts: 320
Joined: Sep 12th, '11, 15:23
Location: Michigan
Gender: Male

Re: This is Hip Hop?

Postby JamaicanPattlez » Oct 17th, '11, 16:16

Words wrote:Really liked it, Lame brains- Lil Wayne Flocka Flame :worship:
Good piece all around, some multi's were a little, tiny bit, forced but it was minor. It was easy to overlook due to other aspects of the piece. :y:


P.S Sorry for the late feed. I haven't had much time lately to do things outside of work/school etc. but when I saw this I wanted to feed it, just didn't have the time. :unsure:


Haha thank you my dude. Well, I've definitely learned one thing: it sounds too forced haha. And don't even worry about it, we all have lives (at least, I hope we all do...) so that's understandable. :y:
Horsebot3K wrote:
Usernamesarehard wrote:My dick is going in your mouth whether you like it or not bipolar fuck boy.

Image
User avatar
JamaicanPattlez
Renegade
Renegade
 
Posts: 2656
Joined: Dec 26th, '10, 05:57
Gender: Male

Re: This is Hip Hop?

Postby Jdubem » Oct 17th, '11, 23:39

Pretty good, I liked your first two bars best and everything was good except a couple of forced rhymes and I kinda thought the last line sounded a little corny, but good stuff. :y:
Jdubem
Trailer Trash
Trailer Trash
 
Posts: 320
Joined: May 17th, '11, 02:05


Return to Creative Writing



Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users