Unabomber Pt. II

[Eedee]

LoF: viewtopic.php?f=24&t=170384&p=2614780#p2614780
Beat: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dLEcdLSP2Wc


I'm not the same kid you thought you knew,
My aim flicked a wet swish on the follow through
Not only that but when the fans carried me
It was a moment of joy broken flat, carefully
Examine the pieces, make sure they're fit for the line,
But then you'll see how often it is when the difference of time
Coupled with the fact of making it is slim
So I'll say it with a grin, I'll make it just like Slim
Another white kid rappin', more distinctive tunes
I fuckin' lied, bitch, happens that the door is fit for use
I'm walk right through it, I don't know where the road goes
But hopefully in time I blow and not shrink to a no-show.
I hope no talent scout is watching me though
I'm laying here absorbing fuckin' lots of weed smoke
But keep those thoughts to yourself, don't be selfish
But sometimes I have to be to hold my head up, cause since
The day they thought they could fuck with me,
Was the day the Sun rose and got up from undernearth
Peaked its fuckin' head out, shined bright, it hurts now
But here's the fucking twist, in the end, it burnt out...
One glance at my shot, I either take it or don't
Fuckin' anger implores me to fuckin' aim for the whole thing
And don't quit, I know this, this is important
But from this angle it seems to me you looked for the door when
Things were getting deep and you had to deal with that
I understand that you wasted my time, but I'll steal it back
And leave you hurting with your pride
Smashed, with the 'i' so enlarged it looks like its bursting from inside, cause
The pressure is weak, I've grown stong to it,
Figured out in time, for real, there is no wrong music.
You look at me and laugh - so I'm stupid?
I shook the dreams I had... so I'll assume that.

[gutawafang]

Sounds very personal. I love how it sounds like a story too. There's progress as you read from start to end.

I don't like this line though "So I'll say it with a grin, I'll make it just like Slim". Because to make it doesn't mean you have to be like Eminem. But then again, it's your choice however you wanna rhyme with slim in the previous sentence so it's fine but I still don't like the line.

Overall, the story makes it great. 8/10

[Just Silver]

This line I don't understand
"Smashed, with the 'i' so enlarged it looks like its bursting from inside, cause"

"But keep those thoughts to yourself, don't be selfish
But sometimes I have to be to hold my head up, cause since "

really enjoyed this one with a few flow shakes
The quoted part I found a tiny reach but still worked

Beat was nice simple enough to write to but mastered enough to sound nice

Def an improvement from what I remember we need another collab

7.8/10 good stuff guy

[Eedee]

Thanks dawg.

This line I don't understand
"Smashed, with the 'i' so enlarged it looks like its bursting from inside, cause"

"Hurting your pride" connects it. "i" = eye... Like, I'm hurting your pride / smashing your "i", so it looks like you're bursting from inside (from inside specifically because that's where your image of self [i] is).. I hurt your pride so bad, it looks as if you're about to burst from inside.

Lel

[Just Silver]

Oh I see guy lel

Def collab soon mate guy Australian male

[Eedee]

I'm back in Alaska lol

[Just Silver]

I'm back in Alaska lol

Oh yea lol ... gay

[Eedee]

I'm back in Alaska lol

Oh yea lol ... gay

No homo tho bro yo

[SandMan]

Shit dude this was nice. Definitely on point with the rhymes but what stood out is that this is one of the only pieces I have read on here that I spit it with the beat and everyhting flowed perfectly which I love. ALSO that is a tight beat. Nice going dude.;