Venting

[Blu]

Not really a lyrical piece, I just had to vent a little and let some stuff out.
Dropped a shot-out to some homies too.

[Verse]
I just can't seem to get out this pain
It's eating me alive, like an addiction
I can't get out, it's my conviction
It's pretty much driving me insane
I can't handle the pressure, or this rain
Everyone's feeling pity in this city
These rhymes ain't witty, matter fact they're gritty
And I'm just faced with all these obstacles
Fuck school, I can always just drop out
But I'm supposed to be a soldier, not a cub scout
This sorrow is really gettin' to me
And I can't handle this stress, it's a mess
Trying to find the right words to express,
How I truly feel so I just suppress,
My inner emotions, gotta keep movin' with the motions
And I'm thinking,
Maybe it's not right to reach for success
I think I'm starting to lose my writing edge
Ever since I did that piece "Lyrical Masterminds"
And ever since Sam said I can't rhyme, it threw me in a wedge
I'm not gonna lie, that shit hurt
But I can't fall back, can't get burnt
Maybe next time I'll focus more and not just write, random shit
Maybe next rhyme it'll be somethin' "Illmatic"
If I can even get on the same level as Nas
But then again, I'm still young
Honestly, I don't think I'm among
These other rappers on this site
It's like the smallest things, and I get stung
But I guess I can't really complain
I should be grateful that God put me on this Earth
And lucky that my mom even gave me birth
But oh well, I'm done with the venting
The next piece is gonna be cray, you better be attending

Feed to link: viewtopic.php?f=24&t=130446&p=1781035#p1781035

[JamaicanPattlez]

Well since ya said 'not lyrical', you saved yourself for now lol. I like the content, but rhyming and flow were off. Keep working at it.

[Blu]

Well since ya said 'not lyrical', you saved yourself for now lol. I like the content, but rhyming and flow were off. Keep working at it.

Man, you think you can help me with flow? I get that a lot that I don't have good flow when I write.

[mdemaz]

And I'm just faced with all these obstacles
Fuck school, I can always just drop out
But I'm supposed to be a soldier, not a cub scout

Sneaky shit.

I sorta feel like this could have flowed slightly better..I mean, it just feels...Bare..
I dunno..

Come at me, bro:
viewtopic.php?f=24&t=130480

[JamaicanPattlez]

Well since ya said 'not lyrical', you saved yourself for now lol. I like the content, but rhyming and flow were off. Keep working at it.

Man, you think you can help me with flow? I get that a lot that I don't have good flow when I write.

I can try, lol. Flow's just the rhythm and structure of your words. For example:


I'm flying higher than a dyke, fighting for human rights,
While riding a Meyers kite, might've been for choosin' tykes.

Didn't make sense, but see how smooth it was?

[Blu]

Thanks man, I understand now.

[SG.]

I used to have this problem with flow. It's still not fully resolved, but it's good enough that I can give you advice. Try and keep the syllable count the same for each line. It also helps if you imagine another artist saying it, because that can help you out with the rhythm.

As for the piece, it wasn't lyrical, as you said, but the content's there.

Feed back? viewtopic.php?f=24&t=130876

[JamaicanPattlez]

Since there was a huge lack of rhymes (because you said it wasn't meant to be lyrical, yeah) it threw off the flow a bit. This always happens when 1 or 2 syllable rhymes are used without much transition into a new rhyme scheme.

Best example man: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fFFX_xyxucs#t=02m30s

Even Eminem doesn't flow very good with those weak rhymes.

So that's what I'd suggest doing. Even if it's a venting track, try to be lyrical. I figure if someone can be lyrical without sacrificing what they wanna say, they're a good writer. That's what I keep practicing to be.

This is true, since when you're being lyrical, you can come up with words that fit the feeling better.

[Sam.]

"Practice makes a man perfect"

Remember that and what Geno said.

Free Sticcy.

[J.R.]

Amazing piece for emotions.