16 Lines (feedback?)

[Makaveli525]

this just somethin i wrote, tryin to switch up my style... wanted to see what yall think of it

Stop, look and listen while I deliver precision/
Winnin's what I envision, I'm everything you isn't/
Watch me make an incision, comin at you like ammunition/
I'm dishin out more beef than you got in your kitchen/
Like an unclear image, my rhymes blur your vision/
I got it all, and makin you fall, is my mission/
The power to tear you apart, lyrical fission/
Full force tackle, while I cackle, with derision/
A short intermission while your reign comes to an endin/
Got you livid, it's not so easy, now, is it/
I'm the magician, telekinetic word collision/
This my first draft, you on your fifth revision/
Dont care, those who dare, to challenge me walk home limpin/
Its wicked, yall wanna mess with me bitches?/
In minutes the menace leave you in stitches, you finished

i know, some weak lines crept in there... any feedback, tips, etc would be appreciated

[scalia5]

thats pretty cool...but i would put like a line in of al words rhyming like put the words that rhyme..into one line...that'll be cool

[Makaveli525]

thats pretty cool...but i would put like a line in of al words rhyming like put the words that rhyme..into one line...that'll be cool

that would make no sense lol

[Arabian Shady]

A short intermission while your reign comes to an endin/

wiked line man,ayte listen
the thing is that this drop actually sounded like a poem, i coudnt find a decnt flow, get wat i mean?
i tried sayin it out loud, damn i evn tried singin it but mayb its me
but all in all it was gd
peace

[Makaveli525]

A short intermission while your reign comes to an endin/

wiked line man,ayte listen
the thing is that this drop actually sounded like a poem, i coudnt find a decnt flow, get wat i mean?
i tried sayin it out loud, damn i evn tried singin it but mayb its me
but all in all it was gd
peace

i see what u sayin
ill work on my flow a lil bit... thanks for the feedback

[Rain Matrix]

yo man that shit was ill

it definitly had tha flow and rhymes

not to mention detailed wording

good job

[SajN]

Woohoo... Really great drop!
I liked your rhymes, and flow was all good for me.

Keep it up!

[Hadez]

pretty nice drop, propz

somethin i wanted to point out is:

"Watch me make an incision, comin at you like ammunition"

you could actually make those bolded parts rhyme if you said it right, which would add a little more spice to that line.

its good tho, good job.

[city]

I think that 16 was hott
i know you want feedback like everbody else
but mostly its if your satisfied wit it