Vietnam

[Slim Fiasco]

This is my verse for the round 2 of the ongoing Versatility Tournament which wasn't posted because my opponent didn't submit a verse. The theme was "something emotional":

Dear Irene, I'm sitting here next to my machine gun
Chased by memories, wondering how will my dream run
Resting under a tree, when the best thing is to flee
But the best I can do is see if I could find the key
To the question why this damn war is going on at all
Every day we're killing people, letting humanity fall
And most of them are innocent, haven't done anything wrong
We're following orders blindly, the bullets sing a sad song
The victims' wounds are the ad-libs, so many painful screams
Blood streams make you feel shameful, they're the main theme
I know who is to blame, but I find it hard to take a stance
Perheps because I'm expandable, wish I saw that at a glance
Wish there was a chance to take a chance and just retreat
That would be the victory for Life but for them it's defeat
But for them it's easy, sitting in chairs pulling strings
Going to extremes, doing whatever to cut liberty's wings
So now liberty swings to no avail, her feathers are bloody
Her feet are muddy and her beak gathers food that's cruddy
And her nest will soon be some place to rest in peace in
She'll be forgotten, I know well what yarn will this spin
At the funeral, I see no casket and no national flag either
Her kin not present, shots not fired, a medal won't glitter
And all this makes me bitter, but for now I have to survive
Come back to you alive, and that's the only plot I contrive

LOF - viewtopic.php?f=24&t=154987&p=2135464#p2135464

[Slim Fiasco]

Dope verse buddy.... I really liked it... Too bad ur opponent bailed.

Haha, thanks man, I appreciate it!

[Just Silver]

Its a shame this didnt get to compete

great story and a decent flow although some lines felt like really long

i like how it begins with the gun and that jazz

overall good shit hopefully u go to Rd3 regardless

[Just Silver]

lol know it just helps the reader find flow much easier

[Just Silver]

Thats true as well but id say about 75% you can find flow over rereading

[Slim Fiasco]

Good looking out guys, and yeah, reading someone's lyrics can be a problem because there are so many flows out there, and I guess the best thing to do is to not look for a flow, but use your own unique way of flowing. Sometimes it will work, and sometimes it won't, but it's not that big of a deal.

[PAINKILLƎR]

I read this when it got momentarily leaked, and like I said I loved it. Rhyming was good, flow was good, and it painted a vivid picture in my head. Also love the direction you took it in. Great verse Slim.

[Trimss]

From what i have been told, it's better to have between 12 to 16 syllables in a line. I write with that in mind, at least lol

[Just Silver]

Although it's a tourney verse, it should still have a link of feed if you post it in here.

BA-ZING!

[Slim Fiasco]

I read this when it got momentarily leaked, and like I said I loved it. Rhyming was good, flow was good, and it painted a vivid picture in my head. Also love the direction you took it in. Great verse Slim.

Thanks bro, that's much appreciated!!

Although it's a tourney verse, it should still have a link of feed if you post it in here.

Gotcha man, just give me time till tomorrow, I'll feed couple of pieces

[CanadaPure]

I'm really glad you posted this up for us to see Slim, I really like it man!

[Slim Fiasco]

I'm really glad you posted this up for us to see Slim, I really like it man!

Thanks man, I'm glad you liked it!

[Evil Twin]

Was a good read. Really liked that verse bro (y)

[Slim Fiasco]

Was a good read. Really liked that verse bro (y)

I appreciate it homes