The TRshady Forum became read-only in December 2014. The 10 year history will live on, in this archive.
Continue the discussion with the new home for the Eminem and Hip Hop discussion: HipHopShelter.com.

Elision - Shady 2.0 Cypher

The forum for TRshady family audio songs and albums / mixtapes.

Elision - Shady 2.0 Cypher

Postby Elision » Nov 6th, '11, 17:13

Feedback: viewtopic.php?f=38&t=133397

Block wrote:Reminds me of a lot of grind time stuff I hear (the pella style shit). Not bad at all. I'd like to hear you on a beat, though. I don't think I ever have.



Raw link (for lyrics and such): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s4LRIGL9Sxc
i'm comin in, drivin my short bus
with this nose i don't need a torch up
bustin through, light the industry's porsche up
comin after who didn't support us...
imma change your brain bring
every wicked bit of strange to mainstream
-Tech N9ne #SpecialEffects2015
User avatar
Elision
Band Leader
Band Leader
 
Posts: 6708
Joined: Nov 29th, '09, 19:20
Location: Houston
Gender: Male

Re: Elision - Shady 2.0 Cypher

Postby Solace » Nov 6th, '11, 17:26

This is very very very well done. My only complaint is how your delivery switches up sometimes, and it sounds like crap. For example:

Snatch this spastic half-wit
Fat kid's sandwitch out his hands and
Jam it packed with plastic glass and
Hand it back and grab a napkin
Packed with acid, smack the fat kids
Faggot glasses, and his cat, bitch
Damnit, travis has the nack his
Passion's at its grandest and es-
tablished and the fact is actors
And the masses can't sit after
Cameras pan and capture travis
And his slashed wrists rappin backwards

Your delivery, for example, on the 1st and last set of rhymes is really well done, laid back but with energy and enjoyable to listen to. The bars I put above this paragraph, you had some awkward attempt to sound angry but it didn't work for me. Other than that tiny subjective flaw, this is so well written in terms of structure, flow, scheme, and so forth. You have an excellent flow, I was so surprised at how good you are at flowing. You have wonderful enunciation and breath control, though you already know that. Happy birthday dude. I like this more than a lot of the actual cyphers at BET on this beat lol.
Image
User avatar
Solace
Bad Influence
Bad Influence
 
Posts: 19901
Joined: Apr 25th, '08, 03:12
Gender: Male

Re: Elision - Shady 2.0 Cypher

Postby Elision » Nov 6th, '11, 17:54

Thanks Solace :y:


And I wasn't necessarily trying to sound angry as much as anxious. I was trying to start out calm and gradually get not-so-calm as it progressed. But you're right, I thought that part in particular sounded a little off. :'(
i'm comin in, drivin my short bus
with this nose i don't need a torch up
bustin through, light the industry's porsche up
comin after who didn't support us...
imma change your brain bring
every wicked bit of strange to mainstream
-Tech N9ne #SpecialEffects2015
User avatar
Elision
Band Leader
Band Leader
 
Posts: 6708
Joined: Nov 29th, '09, 19:20
Location: Houston
Gender: Male

Re: Elision - Shady 2.0 Cypher

Postby Slim Fiasco » Nov 6th, '11, 18:54

That was dope man, I liked it. Happy birthday and considering you've just turned 18 your skills are even that more impressive. Now I'm not saying that this is flawless but if I say more I'll feel like I'm nitpicking. I'll say this though;

I'm the biggest fan of the less is more concept so I'd suggest you working on the slower pace of your flow (the beginning of this was great in that regard). Speeding up and being extra technical is impressive but it's also a way to overdo things so if you do it in smaller dosages I believe it'd be the better option. Work more on your intonation patterns as well as involving different emotions in your voice to make things even more interesting (you already do this to a certain extent). Take Kanye for example, listen to his verse on The Good, The Bad, The Ugly and notice how playing around a slower pace can do wonders.

That would be all, and remember that your strong sides are rhyming and riding a beat (the latter being arguably the hardest thing to master in rap) so you're in a very good position. So at this point, you've made it to the NBA and you should start working your way to becoming a star in the game.
Image

If you're learning how to rap, check out my tutorials - viewtopic.php?f=6&t=165230

The Right Way To Be A Hip-Hop Fan - viewtopic.php?f=6&t=168550
User avatar
Slim Fiasco
Renegade
Renegade
 
Posts: 2217
Joined: Apr 3rd, '11, 10:56
Location: Macedonia
Gender: Male

Re: Elision - Shady 2.0 Cypher

Postby Chet Starr » Nov 6th, '11, 19:04

-jaw drops-

That was extremely fucking well done and just...fucking amazing

I can't find any glaring flaws, super impressive man
CSPRODUCTIONS918
Image
#YellowChetTeam
Chet Starr
Role Model
Role Model
 
Posts: 3022
Joined: Jan 9th, '07, 17:09
Location: Olympia
Gender: Female

Re: Elision - Shady 2.0 Cypher

Postby Ticalrecords » Nov 6th, '11, 21:26

daaaaamn you got one crazy ass flow! i liked it man you just kept going on and on i was like daamn it seems like you got rhymes for days. theo nly part where you were off beat was when you switched your flow up in the very beginning, i htink it was like something about a half wit. idk. it was good though.


return the favor please: viewtopic.php?f=38&t=133502
Ticalrecords
Soldier
Soldier
 
Posts: 626
Joined: Mar 18th, '08, 20:14

Re: Elision - Shady 2.0 Cypher

Postby Tranquil » Nov 7th, '11, 03:39

Fuck me! This shit was sick as fuck! :worship:
You defiantly going to go far if you keep at it and go the right direction! The only thing I didn't like about this was some of the switch ups where you kinda sounded, I don't know off? But other then that, the lyrics and the flow were superb! Very keen to hear more from you! :worship:
Image
Straight jacket with a hundred eight brackets, and a strap that wraps twice around my back, then they latch it!
(Formally EminemIsLegend)
User avatar
Tranquil
Renegade
Renegade
 
Posts: 2579
Joined: Dec 29th, '08, 06:26
Location: In your nightmares...
Gender: Male

Re: Elision - Shady 2.0 Cypher

Postby B.A.D. » Nov 7th, '11, 09:52

Elision... hmm.. interesting name :y:

thats dope writing, very nice multies, and indeed very wowing... I had to listen to it a couple times to accurately critique.... and well, all I can say is damn, its awsome for what it is. and youre a fucking walking dictionary... I would love to listen to songs from you tbh, Tech is my favourite rapper and youre fucking close to him and I enjoy it.... but I also recomend you that if you decide to actually pursue rap, try to be a little more connecting and musically creative, beacuse there's many kids doing the same thing, but non of them say shit lol..... you at least have the voice, confidence and breath controll to do this, so good luck man.... I'll sing your praises :y:
User avatar
B.A.D.
Dr.Dre
Dr.Dre
 
Posts: 8907
Joined: Jan 15th, '05, 20:51
Location: Germany/Mexico/Australia
Gender: Male

Re: Elision - Shady 2.0 Cypher

Postby Elision » Nov 8th, '11, 06:17

just got home and wow :o

thanks for all the awesome feedback guys :y:
i'm comin in, drivin my short bus
with this nose i don't need a torch up
bustin through, light the industry's porsche up
comin after who didn't support us...
imma change your brain bring
every wicked bit of strange to mainstream
-Tech N9ne #SpecialEffects2015
User avatar
Elision
Band Leader
Band Leader
 
Posts: 6708
Joined: Nov 29th, '09, 19:20
Location: Houston
Gender: Male

Re: Elision - Shady 2.0 Cypher

Postby Mahmoud48 » Nov 10th, '11, 00:07

damn! i didnt know u could rap...i just thought u posted pics lol
i love when u sound like canibus its cool then u have this slight accent
:y:
ODD FUTURE ASAP OVOXO BLACK HIPPY GOOD MUSIC
User avatar
Mahmoud48
Renegade
Renegade
 
Posts: 2508
Joined: Jul 17th, '10, 03:40
Gender: Male

Re: Elision - Shady 2.0 Cypher

Postby Master Chief » Nov 10th, '11, 00:35

Good job at biting Tech N9ne's growling sound brah.

Honestly, this was aimless as fuck. Besides the fact that I didn't understand what the fuck you were saying, the multies were forced beyond human comprehension, this is clearly a worse case than Geno's. This is as good lyricism as Crooked I, that's definitely not a compliment. Matter of fact, it's almost like a carbon copy of his BET cypher on that beat, I wouldn't be surprised if these were the lyrics to the original version of his verse on that cypher and you managed to get a hold of 'em. If this is the direction you're going with this "Hip Hop shit that you're not fucking around with and taking serious", then you're not gonna make it anywhere nor is this music anyone would willingly listen to and enjoy.

Your flow and breath control were literally the only above average traits exhibited on this track. Your delivery, personally, annoys me but then again most white, suburban kids weren't born with voices for rap.

Maybe I'm annoyed with the amount of shitty netcees attempting to rap that don't know how to make real music and instead go with the 7,000 multis per millisecond route but this is the truth and is in no way shape or form hating. This is the exact same feedback should be gives to 60% of people trying to rap. I COULD say all of this the nice way but that would be no fun, now would it?

Lol @ all the ass-kissing/fakeness in this thread. Truly repugnant. I swear if I get perm. banned for giving out REAL feedback...
Image

Satirical Graphitical Productions.
User avatar
Master Chief
Role Model
Role Model
 
Posts: 3891
Joined: Dec 8th, '10, 23:38
Location: Where?
Gender: Male

Re: Elision - Shady 2.0 Cypher

Postby B.A.D. » Nov 10th, '11, 02:24

Master Chief wrote: I swear if I get perm. banned for giving out REAL feedback...


not on my watch, so dont worry. Every feedback is valid as long as its actually valid, like this.

plus I have to say I agree on EVERYTHING you said, but I dont think it applies to this case. cuz the object of this song/cypher is to do exactly what he did, just mutli everything and showskill what u got. But if this was an actual full lenght content-song, it would be completely repugnant. Its all about the direction which the artist is going. Dont get me wrong tho, I fucking hate all the "amount of shitty netcees attempting to rap that don't know how to make real music and instead go with the 7,000 multis per millisecond route but this is the truth and is in no way shape or form hating", and thats one of the most beautiful descriptions I've seen in my life.

but yeah... keep it to real feed and dont let this get to an argument :y:
User avatar
B.A.D.
Dr.Dre
Dr.Dre
 
Posts: 8907
Joined: Jan 15th, '05, 20:51
Location: Germany/Mexico/Australia
Gender: Male

Re: Elision - Shady 2.0 Cypher

Postby Nefarious » Nov 10th, '11, 04:02

This was sick all the way through, imo, expecially the flow at the ending lol reminded me of when eminem said " spin em around, entering in the vacinity now! " ect. lol just an example, but still it was awesome slaughter i like to call that haha.
User avatar
Nefarious
Trailer Trash
Trailer Trash
 
Posts: 221
Joined: Mar 30th, '11, 18:20
Location: Hamilton Ontario Canada
Gender: Male

Re: Elision - Shady 2.0 Cypher

Postby Elision » Nov 10th, '11, 04:19

Master Chief wrote:Good job at biting Tech N9ne's growling sound brah.

Honestly, this was aimless as fuck. Besides the fact that I didn't understand what the fuck you were saying, the multies were forced beyond human comprehension, this is clearly a worse case than Geno's. This is as good lyricism as Crooked I, that's definitely not a compliment. Matter of fact, it's almost like a carbon copy of his BET cypher on that beat, I wouldn't be surprised if these were the lyrics to the original version of his verse on that cypher and you managed to get a hold of 'em. If this is the direction you're going with this "Hip Hop shit that you're not fucking around with and taking serious", then you're not gonna make it anywhere nor is this music anyone would willingly listen to and enjoy.

Your flow and breath control were literally the only above average traits exhibited on this track. Your delivery, personally, annoys me but then again most white, suburban kids weren't born with voices for rap.

Maybe I'm annoyed with the amount of shitty netcees attempting to rap that don't know how to make real music and instead go with the 7,000 multis per millisecond route but this is the truth and is in no way shape or form hating. This is the exact same feedback should be gives to 60% of people trying to rap. I COULD say all of this the nice way but that would be no fun, now would it?

Lol @ all the ass-kissing/fakeness in this thread. Truly repugnant. I swear if I get perm. banned for giving out REAL feedback...
Hey man, if that's how you feel, it's all good dude :b:

But please understand that I'm not really "trying" to do anything. It's just good times ;)

As for all of the multi's and shit? that's just how I enjoy writing dude :) I have plenty of straight-forward, laid back shit, but it's just not as fun to me. I like the puzzle part of writing more than anything. Figuring out how many things I can have rhyme with how many syllables, then minimizing the amount of filler words while still painting a picture. It's really a passion of mine. This is part of the reason why I was doing the tech growl. I was emphasizing my rhyming abilities (I have other reasons, which I explained in the comments).

Now, you say that you can't understand anything I'm saying. Yet I know I have near perfect enunciation (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KpMInHqwlcc). What is it that you think I'm doing wrong in that regard?

But as for your theory that I got my hands on Crooked I's rough draft(s) of his BET verse? And then copied him? just fuckin god damnit :facepalm

You are a very angry person ಠ_ಠ
i'm comin in, drivin my short bus
with this nose i don't need a torch up
bustin through, light the industry's porsche up
comin after who didn't support us...
imma change your brain bring
every wicked bit of strange to mainstream
-Tech N9ne #SpecialEffects2015
User avatar
Elision
Band Leader
Band Leader
 
Posts: 6708
Joined: Nov 29th, '09, 19:20
Location: Houston
Gender: Male

Re: Elision - Shady 2.0 Cypher

Postby Master Chief » Nov 10th, '11, 05:39

Nollie wrote:Hey man, if that's how you feel, it's all good dude :b:

But please understand that I'm not really "trying" to do anything. It's just good times ;)

As for all of the multi's and shit? that's just how I enjoy writing dude :) I have plenty of straight-forward, laid back shit, but it's just not as fun to me. I like the puzzle part of writing more than anything. Figuring out how many things I can have rhyme with how many syllables, then minimizing the amount of filler words while still painting a picture. It's really a passion of mine. This is part of the reason why I was doing the tech growl. I was emphasizing my rhyming abilities (I have other reasons, which I explained in the comments).

Now, you say that you can't understand anything I'm saying. Yet I know I have near perfect enunciation (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KpMInHqwlcc). What is it that you think I'm doing wrong in that regard?

But as for your theory that I got my hands on Crooked I's rough draft(s) of his BET verse? And then copied him? just fuckin god damnit :facepalm

You are a very angry person ಠ_ಠ

Do me a favor and stop seething. Instead of trying to argue against my REAL feedback, apply it to your dull music and see how it stops being just that.

Your perspective on writing Hip Hop is contorted and incorrect. Hip Hop shouldn't be about writing the most puzzling, multi-syllabic rhymes of all time. Your sacrificing other aspects of music by doing just that. The lyricism on this track was rather poor due to the fact that you were spewing whatever came to mind first. You're just being Crooked I 2.0 here. I can guarantee you that several people (including me) can replicate the amount of rhymes you squeezed in here.

That wasn't a theory you ape, that was merely an exaggeration to emphasize how, like him, your main focus is multis and nothing else. :''''''( @ thinking I was serious with that.
Image

Satirical Graphitical Productions.
User avatar
Master Chief
Role Model
Role Model
 
Posts: 3891
Joined: Dec 8th, '10, 23:38
Location: Where?
Gender: Male

Next

Return to Audio Stage



Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users

cron