Young Fire - Close Ya Eyes.

[youngfire420]

My first track im posting on here, but it wont be the last. Just got done with my last mixtape, now im bout to start the next. Im pretty sure this song will be the single for the mixtape. But i still need to come up with name for my mixtape (Might be Ascension 2) and get a cover. Well i wanted to drop a song, so im dropping this.

Close Ya Eyes - http://www.limelinx.com/files/16aa0988e ... a5f5adced1

Any feedback would be appreciated, good or bad!

[Kez]

Your delivery sounds a bit laidback for this kind of song, like it sounds a bit unpracticed and lazy. Also that part where you quickly breathe in and it cuts off the end of your word's effect (at 0:49), something that takes a while to get out of. Only happens once in fairness, so you probably have it mostly under control and it was just a slight slip. The beat is nice, who produced it? Lyrics are fairly good stuff, the rhymes are solid. The flow's a bit slow to the point of being too slow as it also sounds really chilled out but judging from the beat and lyrics it's supposed to be a kind of agressive/emotional song. So overall, liked the lyrics, beat and concept but the delivery and flow i think didn't get the feel of the song across very well. But still a fairly good track; are you very new to this?

[youngfire420]

Your delivery sounds a bit laidback for this kind of song, like it sounds a bit unpracticed and lazy. Also that part where you quickly breathe in and it cuts off the end of your word's effect (at 0:49), something that takes a while to get out of. Only happens once in fairness, so you probably have it mostly under control and it was just a slight slip. The beat is nice, who produced it? Lyrics are fairly good stuff, the rhymes are solid. The flow's a bit slow to the point of being too slow as it also sounds really chilled out but judging from the beat and lyrics it's supposed to be a kind of agressive/emotional song. So overall, liked the lyrics, beat and concept but the delivery and flow i think didn't get the feel of the song across very well. But still a fairly good track; are you very new to this?

First off, thanks for the feedback dude. I like to see detailed feedback like this, so i know my strong & weak points.

I was going for a laidback type flow on this though. But i definitely practiced it alot lol. I took like 15 tries at the song before recording, then this was like my 3rd take. And i dont get the what you are talking about at 0:49, can you explain more? Is it bad? The beat was produced by BOMB40.

Thanks, i wasnt going for such a lyrical approach on this track. But i threw in a couple multies . And maybe i should try a retake of the song when i get a chance, me more aggressive with it. Ill see if i like that way better. But im not really new to rapping, been rapping for like a year almost. Its gotten more serious the last couple months though...

But thanks bro!

[YungNRuthless]

Gave you my feedback, before it dropped haha.

[Kez]

I was going for a laidback type flow on this though. But i definitely practiced it alot lol. I took like 15 tries at the song before recording, then this was like my 3rd take.

Oh well in that case you can disregard what i said to a point; i just figured maybe if you were new to rap you were suffering from the typical problem of not having as much expression yet.

And i dont get the what you are talking about at 0:49, can you explain more? Is it bad?

It's not really a big deal, i was just picking out things. I just thought that at the end of the line there was a part where you had to quickly get some breath in ready for the next line and it very very minutely cut off the pause at the end of the word which would have been more emphasised slightly, but really it's not as bad as most examples of this would be so it's not really as clear.

And maybe i should try a retake of the song when i get a chance, me more aggressive with it. Ill see if i like that way better.

Yeah well that's your choice, like i said i hadn't known you intended the song to have the more laidback delivery lol. Knowing that you aren't new to this and other such, i can accept the song itself and just say i await your next posting.

[youngfire420]

Yeah bro, thanks for the feeedback. Ill be dropping more songs soon!

[°[~CHR!$~]°]

i like the hook...also im a sukka for beats with e-gutairs in it..so i enjoyed that aspect of the song
from a technical point this was solid...delivery was lackin a bit.....
also the mixing could be improved but you did flow very well...but you stretched some of your words to keep on beat..try to find the right amount of words,syllabes per line then you good...
keep practising....wasnt a bad introduction to the site

[youngfire420]

i like the hook...also im a sukka for beats with e-gutairs in it..so i enjoyed that aspect of the song
from a technical point this was solid...delivery was lackin a bit.....
also the mixing could be improved but you did flow very well...but you stretched some of your words to keep on beat..try to find the right amount of words,syllabes per line then you good...
keep practising....wasnt a bad introduction to the site

Thanks man. Ill try to practice on those things . Appreciate the feedback man!

[Artille]

I think this is one of your better tracks that you have made recently. The beat and hook were really nice for starters. But as Kez said, it seems like a more passionate track. I think you should do what you said and re-record it with more emotion and passion. As for quality, I think it was good for a non professional mic.

However, I didn't notice the :49 second mark slip up that he mentioned. I think that is just how the track is suppose to be. Anyways, keep it up.

[Redd Herring]

definitely a fire track right here... i never even saw this on the other board. The beat is nice and one of the better ones i've heard you on. The flow was good would have liked to seen you go a lil harder on it to show your emotion for what you were saying and give it some depth.

[youngfire420]

Thanks to the last few who left feedback!