Well first off, I really liked the concept of this, and how you just build on your lyrics, had the break, and did the build up again, that was nice.
The flow on this was choppy at parts, but I think it might be because the beat seemed low, maybe its just me. But also, a lot of times you said words so fast, whether to catch up or not, that if I wasn't readin the lyrics I would have had no idea what you said. It was more evident in the first verse, and more specifically the first half of that verse. Those problems were less for the rest of the song, but still noticable.
The delivery was solid, I just felt you should put more emphasis on certain parts because it became somewhat monotonous, but I think part of that had to do with the speed I mentioned earlier, obviously making it hard to emphasise more shit due breathing obviously.
Overall I liked it, but the problems in it I think really brought it down cause the concept and lyrics were there. The ending was def nice tho, I liked how you went slower during the end as a good change of pace in the flow.