another poem cus im bored and have nuthin beter to do.....

by **> Evil _ MoNkEy <** » Mar 21st, '06, 20:40

ok.... i dont care if neone likes this or not... i have found out that very little people check out this section.... so it wont be that mortifying to share..... and i wanna be a writer one day..... so its good to get constructive critisism...... so... um.... read it and tell me wat u think..... remember: honesty is a good quality :sweating:

Trial of Tears

This is a different trial of tears
full of obsticals and fears

The struggles are real
and it hurts a great deal

No matter wat it never ends
shadows become my only friends

As darkness slowly creeps in
i crumble within my sin

Im forced to bare the burdon alone
the world on my shoulders, im on my own

Im lost without direction
lost in a world of fake perfection

Inner demonds are ever haunting
ever present and always taunting

There is no begining or end to fears
for this is the trail of tears.....

by **Inzanity** » Mar 21st, '06, 21:01

thats a good poem it's better then ur last one nice job

by **> Evil _ MoNkEy <** » Mar 21st, '06, 21:32

EmptyPromises wrote:thats a good poem it's better then ur last one nice job

thanx... i think it is too :happy:

by **Kurimoto** » Mar 22nd, '06, 03:06

i like the heroic couplet frame of this poem babe, it catches me as a reader and wats me to read onward. the subject is sad and that makes me want to not read it tho, i like happyness, but overall i like the word choice for the writing and thinks its good