Topless

[Master Chief]

LoF: http://forum.trshady.com/viewtopic.php? ... 4#p1520034

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UFXtu--f3eA

I couldn't help but to write to this beat even if it is looped. This is what I've written so far to this beat... Tried to do some inverse multis in the first 4 lines

Intro/Hook
Topless (I do what I do)
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh, (Topless)
Don't need you to tell me,
How I must live my life,
Ohhh, ohhhhhhhhhhh,
Topless (I do what I do)
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, (Topless)
Don't need you to tell me,
How I must live my life,

Verse 1
Yo, my lines are deep as I speak my mind,
My songs can be, tools to teach the blind,
But, honestly, I'm not a preacher, nah,
Just tryin' to be, one who beat the odds,
(Yo) Dear, society, your laws fucking bore us,
Sadly, you still have the right to come and deport us,
Send me to juvy for my damn attitude,
Teachers expect to get grand gratitude,
For what?, all you do is sit back, chat and feud,
I don't learn shit but to act mad and rude,
I hassle the faculty saying that math is cool,
And gradually, casualties just blast past the roof,
Yet, I still attend, while my pen skill's a ten,
Still spilling my ill chilling villainous writtens,
That will instantly grill 'em, I'm literally killing,
With diminishing lyrics, the most sinister, realest,
Wickedest spitting, bitch I'm ya biggest of menace,
But, I can quickly change moods if I can git me a minute,

[Master Chief]

bump...

[RainMan44]

I don't know what else to say, but.....that was amazing...especially the portion about the teachers and shit....Great job. Feeling the multis.


The one thing you should fix is, although some lines seem perfect, others sound too short, and it messes up the flow just a bit.

Keep writing and posting, good shit man

[Master Chief]

I don't know what else to say, but.....that was amazing...especially the portion about the teachers and shit....Great job. Feeling the multis.


The one thing you should fix is, although some lines seem perfect, others sound too short, and it messes up the flow just a bit.

Keep writing and posting, good shit man

Thanks man

And I know my structure/lenghts of the lines are fucked up a bit, I'll try to make it more even while not fucking up the flow even more.

[Master Chief]

bump...

[mdemaz]

High swag level is high.

Multis, structure and topic are all good..
Not feeling you punch out well though..
Other then that,

[Sam.]

Multis, structure and topic are all good..
Not feeling you punch out well though..

pretty much my thoughts too

[classthe_king]

lolwut. Yeah you had multi's, good job *claps*

You had no lines that stood out, it was just boring line after boring line, also the flow is off, you need more syllables in many of the lines.

This looks like what I was writing when I was first starting 2 years ago.

[Master Chief]

lolwut. Yeah you had multi's, good job *claps*

You had no lines that stood out, it was just boring line after boring line, also the flow is off, you need more syllables in many of the lines.

This looks like what I was writing when I was first starting 2 years ago.

I'm not gonna be a bitch about it like you so I'll take this "feedback".

[Satire]

I liked it other than the structure of some lines that threw the flow off. It got really good towards the end with the Big Pun-esque multi in-rhymes.

[VenomBlackViper]

Pretty dope, nice job on the multis they can flow well if you do it right.

[Master Chief]

Thank you, my dudes