Solace & DerdyPK - Disintegrate (Edited)

[Solace]

There are two versions, the original verse by me and the new one. The original is mixed by PK, the new one is mixed by me, but I'd rather you peep mine since it's practically a whole nother verse. This is the rough version of a track we're putting on PK's Emotastic EP (So I need all the practice I can get to ready myself for it). I'm not quite sure if the new one by me is better, so check out both if you're kind enough.

New Version
Old Version


Enjoy.

Links of feedback:
viewtopic.php?f=38&t=107993
viewtopic.php?f=38&t=108011

[Solace]
I try to ponder truth, as I lie in haunted rooms,
I walk into a life of hatred blocked by constant obstacles,
I'm looking like an animal, they hate me like I'm crazy,
The crooks that I have ran into with crooked eyes of cannibals,
Listen to the taunting shrieks, hopeless now, broken down,
Ripping in and haunting me, this isn't who I want to be,
I've learned that I am selfish, I'll turn my insides out, shit,
I'll burn inside myself as I yearn, I'm crying helpless,
I'm desolate and barren, you and I, it's suicide,
Severing my bare wit, I've never been this careless, (Forgive me...)
Look into the atmosphere, it hasn't cleared,
And I guess for now I'm turning back to fear, (I'm sorry...)
Thinking who I've parted with, lose the sound, do it now,
Sink into this dark abyss, (Damn...)
And I feel the blame as I linger, help me, I'm melting,
There's flames on my fingers...

[DerdyPK]
I can't sleep because my dreams got a hold of me,
I dream to make music now what am I supposed to see,
I dont know, neither does anyone close to me,
With that said..Solace, roll the weed,
It's time to party like the world's ending,
The world is really ending, why are we pretending?
That it's not when it is and we don't know why,
What am I talking about, I don't know but I,
Gotta go 'cause there's really nothing to say now,
With that said I'mma let the beat play out...

[Kez]

Beat is fuckin dope, where's that shit from?

Your flow has wayyyyyy too many long gaps in it. And it's not even done so that it seems like a conscious choice that would be done to add a specific feel to the song. The excessive layovers don't help either lol, you don't have to punctuate the end of every couple lines with something reinforcing it, the line should do that itself. Your delivery is alright, but it sounds kinda unnatural too sometimes, especially how you said "walk into" and "both my hands high", it just sounded unnatural to me lol. The lyrics on the other hand were pretty decent, multis were pretty safe and i liked the feel you gave off in your verse. The last two lines were real good, but the "goodbye" was pretty needless lol and imo it kinda destroyed the vibe you had going. A lot of the layovers did that.

PK, your flow's good at parts, but you shouldn't have rushed the "what am i talking about", then you wouldn't have had that bit of space before you said "I don't know but i". I dunno though, for the most part your flow was adequate enough. As for your lyrics, i kinda feel like you just got bored near the end when you started saying "what am i talking about". It just gives the impression you couldn't be arsed lol (too high?). Obviously that also kinda affects the concept, for most of your verse you going a similiar direction as Solace's verse, but near the end it just turns into "i don't know what to say", so it kinda ruins it for me. Overall it was a decent track but i feel like if PK had made a full verse it would have at least been a bit more concrete. Nothing really that special but it was decent enough considering you aren't really that experienced with it yet (i assume anyway)

Maybe i'm critiquing a bit closely, but i assume you guys do actually want to approve so there's my thoughts. And with that said, Solace i want your opinion on my new song if you got time

[DƎRDYPK]

It just gives the impression you couldn't be arsed lol (too high?).

sort of
I just wanted to help Solace wit his stuff n wasn't thinking bout doing a whole verse cause he just sent me the beat he had looped & his verse
he sent me his vocals so I could mix them
but I timed his shit off wrong with the beat & had to go back to it about 4 times
but in the end I think we made it out ok...


pretty chill stuff Solace we def gotta collab again

[Solace]

Your flow has wayyyyyy too many long gaps in it. And it's not even done so that it seems like a conscious choice that would be done to add a specific feel to the song. The excessive layovers don't help either lol, you don't have to punctuate the end of every couple lines with something reinforcing it, the line should do that itself. Your delivery is alright, but it sounds kinda unnatural too sometimes, especially how you said "walk into" and "both my hands high", it just sounded unnatural to me lol. The lyrics on the other hand were pretty decent, multis were pretty safe and i liked the feel you gave off in your verse. The last two lines were real good, but the "goodbye" was pretty needless lol and imo it kinda destroyed the vibe you had going. A lot of the layovers did that.

First of all, yes I'm a beginner. The flow was a conscious decision; just saying so I guess it's my mistake on making it look like I just didn't know how to flow lines. I hate my delivery, but it comes with time and I obviously as you can see don't drop tracks all the time. Tbh, I like the overlays/layovers (whatever the fuck they're called) but it's personal preference I guess. It's a random verse I wrote in like 5-10 minutes so whatever, it could've been better but this was made for me to practice audio.

Does this version sound a little better?
http://www.usershare.net/097v311xr74p

The beat is looped from Spoonfull's "You". No clue who produced it. I'll get on peeping your track.

@PK, yeah we'll collab for Emotastic.

[classthe_king]

I thought it was dope Solace, but I know the edited version you're working on right now will be even doper

[Solace]

Thanks brah. I'm re-recording this entire thing solo in the upcoming week with a fixed up version of this:

I try to ponder truth, as I walk into these haunted rooms,
And I hold my hands high so you know just not to shoot,
I'm looking like an animal, they hate me like I'm crazy,
The crooks that I have ran into with crooked eyes of cannibals,
I've learned that I am selfish, I'll turn my insides out, shit,
I'll burn inside myself as I yearn, I'm crying helpless,
Listen to the taunting shrieks, hopeless now, broken down,
Ripping in and haunting me, this isn't who I want to be,
I'm desolate and barren, you and I, it's suicide,
Severing my bare wit, I've never been this careless, (Forgive me...)
Look into the atmosphere, it hasn't cleared,
And I guess for now I'm turning back to fear, (I'm sorry...)
Thinking who I've parted with, lose the sound, do it now,
Sink into this dark abyss, (Damn...)
I feel the blame as I linger, help me, I'm melting,
There's flames on my fingers...
It's just life and I'm living in a playground,
Dead trees and medleys of grey clouds, the rain shouts,
Thunder cracking, lovely when I'm ripped in,
Slit in, you think it's really funny when it isn't,
Listen, to the sound of me crying please,
Astounded, I die in peace, pounding with irony,
Pictures that I've ripped in...I'm better as lonely,
Scriptures that I've written...Can tell you the story,
Little quick incisions, but I'm breathing hardly,
Listen to the rhythm of my bleeding heartbeat.

I think it's going to be real dope!

[DƎRDYPK]

here's my mix where me & Solace both on time with the beat

http://hulkshare.com/cz1u6i0zjr9f

[Scrubz]

here's my mix where me & Solace both on time with the beat

http://hulkshare.com/cz1u6i0zjr9f

So i just listen to this one, cuz the threads a mess with re doing shit and what not lmao.

I thought the quality was pretty good for the most part good job mixing.

First verse-
Basic, slow, but pretty much on point.
Flow was slow but again on point.
LYrics were cool pretty dark shit.
Delivery was ok ish, pretty bland and boring but hey it was OK

pk verse(not really a verse lol)
Not bad dude flow was up and down a lil but it was decent.
Delivery was pretty good but you voice sounds shakey
lyrics were pretty good as well not really much to complain
Think you just need to prefect you flow and delivery and you'd be leeps and bounds better

All together it was a decent track, the beat was sick. Keep it up both of you.

And please feed my new shit, i wanna hear you guys feedback im pretty sure solace has never herd me and i would like to get ur opion.

[Mr. Chambers]

impressive, still needs fine tuning but i see potential.

[Solace]

Thanks for the feed and for peeping it in the first place guys, I'm definitely using your points to improve. Me and PK redoing this song for his EP next week, stay on the look out

[gutawafang]

Didn't feel it. Flow is off a lot of times.

Lyrics weren't good. I expected it to be more powerful because of the title. It lacks power. Sorry, I didn't like it.

[mdemaz]

You guys should redo this whole concept..
I like where it's going, but it didn't really hit home in this piece.

[Solace]

Didn't feel it. Flow is off a lot of times.

Lyrics weren't good. I expected it to be more powerful because of the title. It lacks power. Sorry, I didn't like it.

I'm not the one to hate on criticism but I'd like to argue with you that the flow wasn't off.

You guys should redo this whole concept..
I like where it's going, but it didn't really hit home in this piece.

The guy who's always praising Jekil is seriously disliking this? That's when you know something is up.

[mdemaz]

Didn't feel it. Flow is off a lot of times.

Lyrics weren't good. I expected it to be more powerful because of the title. It lacks power. Sorry, I didn't like it.

I'm not the one to hate on criticism but I'd like to argue with you that the flow wasn't off.

You guys should redo this whole concept..
I like where it's going, but it didn't really hit home in this piece.

The guy who's always praising Jekil is seriously disliking this? That's when you know something is up.

I don't dislike it!
XDD
I just think that it needs to be redone like you said..

By the way, how long have you been recording and shit?
Just wonderin'..
Everything sounded polished and clean..

[Solace]

Uhh. I've done like 3-4 songs before, I don't record usually. Maybe once a month? I'm really just a beginner. And I use a 20 buck mic from The Source lolz. And I'm 15 so my voice is gay as fuck.