Lifes a Dream (feedback)

[BigBoss]

I wann turn this into a full song, so any feed back will be much appreciated, I did this in about 10-15 minutes

In my heart I got a malady,
cause reality has been really been kickin the shit out of me with brutality,
and my family ain't been helpin cause in my heart all they are is a fuckin cavity,
I can't wait till I'm gone livin in my own damn isolated municipality,
livin life full of depravity's,
But untill then lifes causin me huge fuckim calamity's,
givin me a low self sense of vanity,
which is why I'm customed to a high level of profanity,
I don't see a inanity if we all just gonna die anyway what's the point of makin a life long strategy,
Hell, maybe I'll visit Italia and check out The Cinque Terre, and get a Bella Italiano donne to marry me,
but that ain't gonna happen, cause this is all just a dream

[christalgurl]

I'm no expert at judging rap just from writing, but it seems pretty cool to me. This may sound mean, but I didn't expect the kind of words you used. I hope you don't take that wrong. It's a compliment actually. You used a nice vocabulary. The song seems like it's a deep, personal song. Next time, though, I'd post the song in the Creative Writing section. It fits in there a bit more. You should finish it.

[BigBoss]

I'm no expert at judging rap just from writing, but it seems pretty cool to me. This may sound mean, but I didn't expect the kind of words you used. I hope you don't take that wrong. It's a compliment actually. You used a nice vocabulary. The song seems like it's a deep, personal song. Next time, though, I'd post the song in the Creative Writing section. It fits in there a bit more. You should finish it.

yea I wrote it in normal vocab at first, but didn't like it so I re wrote it like this, and I did post in in CW but I didn't think people ever go there so alsop put it here