balls lock this or something lolz

[Solace]

mc anon and pk are gunna finish this kthxbai


I'm only a beginner so I'd appreciate constructive criticism instead of saying it's trash. It's just the chorus and first verse, I have a 2nd verse to rerecord along with the bridge to rerecord.

Oh yeah, and I record with a 20 buck desktop mic so I understand it's bad quality.

http://www.supashare.net/51kroask8msa

[Chorus]
(I'm trying to find a balance)
Through every single step I take,
Through every single breath I waste,
(I'm trying to find a balance)
I see you when I laugh and I cry,
I see you in the back of my mind,
(I'm trying to find a balance)
I see you when im acting alive,
I see you and my heart is always asking me why,
(I'm trying to find a balance)
(I'm just trying to find a balance)

[Verse 1]
Read between the rhymes and then what my lines have said,
I really miss you; I'm hoping we could try again,
My eyes have bled and the blood painted memories,
My iris red with enough pain especially,
Our time has went, and it flows away from me,
So I'll lock away my heart then go and throw away the key,
A broken playing piece, simply crying in pain,
And there's a will so no matter what I'm finding a way.

viewtopic.php?f=38&t=120171 < LoF

[DƎRDYPK]

it's garbage












































just playing it's aight
I like what you got started here
it's a wicked short snippet so I can't say much...except it's aight & I wanna hear more

[Ka0t1c]

not really, but has potential

[Solace]

not really, but has potential

Not really what? And why is it "not really"? This topic is so I can improve, not so you can gain an extra post count.

I'd appreciate constructive criticism

@PK, I can see it now lol, thanks.

[Ka0t1c]

i honestly don't care

[Solace]

Tough guy got a 2nd free post.

[B.A.D.]

what the fuck's your problem Ka0tic, if you have nothing constructive to say G.T.F.O.

Like I always tell you, I love the style and again the voice fits the beat perfectly, the hook is absolutely marvelous, but the verse not so much, sounds like you had some trouble flowing it, I suggest you try re-recording it, but the lyrics and structure are great. fucking beautiful

I suggest making your verse longer aswell

[K Reidy]

Sounds like it could be pretty good, I would try to put a little more emotion into your delivery to make it even better though

[Phantom]

this was good man. i liked this a lot better than a lot of what people consider to be really good here. you have a lot of potential, just work on breath control, word annunciation and emotion. you sound good tho man no doubt

[dR3]

Wow, this is great. Even though you're a beginner, your delivery is really clear and I can hear the emotion in your voice. The flow is not 100% perfect but you'll get there. Oh and from what I've heard so far, you probably have the best rap voice on this forum.

Keep it up, gonna be checking your future works for sure.

[Solace]

Like I always tell you, I love the style and again the voice fits the beat perfectly, the hook is absolutely marvelous, but the verse not so much, sounds like you had some trouble flowing it, I suggest you try re-recording it, but the lyrics and structure are great. fucking beautiful

I suggest making your verse longer aswell

Thanks, I'm glad you like the hook. The first verse is sort of like an intro verse, the other verse is the usual 16 along with an 8 line bridge so the length was intentional.

Sounds like it could be pretty good, I would try to put a little more emotion into your delivery to make it even better though

Yeah I'm trying man, thanks.

this was good man. i liked this a lot better than a lot of what people consider to be really good here. you have a lot of potential, just work on breath control, word annunciation and emotion. you sound good tho man no doubt

Good looking out Phantom, I appreciate it.

Wow, this is great. Even though you're a beginner, your delivery is really clear and I can hear the emotion in your voice. The flow is not 100% perfect but you'll get there. Oh and from what I've heard so far, you probably have the best rap voice on this forum.

Keep it up, gonna be checking your future works for sure.

I sure hope you can hear it and that I'm clear lol. Best rap voice? I'm honored but nah, have you heard Phantom, Maybe or GT Ronic? Thanks for peeping.


Also, I usually have little to no time to record, so I barely get the practice time or find time to finish a track so you might not hear a full of this snippet for a couple weeks.

Thanks again guys for checking it out.

[Solace]

Bump for advice?

[Ka0t1c]

work on your words, try to up your vocab and maybe throw some strong multies also, more lines.

[Ka0t1c]

what the fuck's your problem Ka0tic, if you have nothing constructive to say G.T.F.O.

Like I always tell you, I love the style and again the voice fits the beat perfectly, the hook is absolutely marvelous, but the verse not so much, sounds like you had some trouble flowing it, I suggest you try re-recording it, but the lyrics and structure are great. fucking beautiful

I suggest making your verse longer aswell

i didn't wanna come off as a dick but at the time i felt that this piece wasn't worth posting, however, i added my feedback, now keep away ax-d

[Solace]

work on your words, try to up your vocab and maybe throw some strong multies also, more lines.

It's a snippet, I have an entire song written out, so 'more lines' isn't helpful. This song is partly about a break up I'm going through, I've never believed technicalities such as multies and vocab in rap should be forced into something of this sort (though I do believe it's much more than sufficient considering I have even a 6 syllable multi couplet and no one is going to be pretentious in a song like this other than Canibus). Thanks, at least this time it's constructive. I don't really see how this wasn't worth posting considering I have a 3 minute song of this but wanted to get feedback before I complete it. Everything is purely for my benefit, and not for your listening pleasure.