The Lyrical Trinity - Addicted

[PeNGuiN ZoMbiE]

fuckin dope!
cant find anything to criticize.. you guys should record this!

[J.R.]

Thanks

[Ka0t1c]

Succumbing to addiction - I'm finished, I have given in
I'll never have a friend again, since spittin' I just distanced 'em
Myself, I've been kickin' it, lookin' for a little wind,
To get billowin', and blow me up until I'm killin' it,
I get vicious with it, invincible when I'm listenin',
To my true lyricism, when I'm hearin' it my ears begin glistenin',
Wishin' it'll be the death of me, puttin' words together like recipes,
Truly blessed to be this gifted, and set so free - it's upliftin',
With no fucks given, I am rush-driven, runnin' on adrenaline,
Comin' with the pen again, rappers - I crush 'em, they don't make any sense,
I'm a heaven-send, with a mission to diminish the miniscule lyricists,
Hit 'em with the sick and twisted evil Geno wits

this was the strongest part of this verse, not much to take away... i'm a fan ofusing dif. words and not use em more than once... that's my negative... didn't like the rest after this verse of yours


bshady, good message, just not a complex structure, wasn't really into it, it's got to have some kind of fun pattern to enjoy, you have some decent rhymes tho

[J.R.]

Bump

[ArsheyHaq]

Nice piece by all of you. Good teamwork. Nothing really stuck out too much for me content-wise. It's probably cuz I can't relate to it, really. Got kinda depressing though lol Also, to BShady and C.R.E.A.M., this is probably the best I've seen from you. Felt a lot of emotion by you two through your verses.

BShady, though, I think you need to experiment with different topics cuz it's starting to sound like a downwards spiral of sadness with every new piece that you post Also, start challenging yourself with more complex words and better use of multies. You deliver your message across very well, and make me feel like I can relate even when I know I don't haha so I feel that you're ready now to excel in skill level.

Geno, even though I enjoyed your verse and felt it was probably the best in the piece, I feel like I've seen better from you. Don't get me wrong, you went in hard, but this seemed rushed. Was it? And for some time now I have noticed that you use what I call "sloppy rhymes"--rhymes that would rhyme well, maybe, when being recorded but through text it comes off like you're reaching for rhymes. Like here:

"With no fucks given, I am rush-driven, runnin' on adrenaline,
Comin' with the pen again, rappers - I crush 'em, they don't make any sense,
I'm a heaven-send, with a mission to diminish the miniscule lyricists,
Hit 'em with the sick and twisted evil Geno wits,"

Is 'adrenaline' supposed to rhyme with 'any sense', 'lyricists', and 'Geno wits'? I can't tell.

C.R.E.A.M., I'm really awe-struck at how much you've developed. I can't believe you're the same C.R.E.A.M. that wrote 'Fagophobic' haha I can tell you're really beginning to understand rhyming and multies a lott better. You're still putting in a bit of filler in your raps though. That's alright, but it's really noticable sometimes, and brings the verse down. Just watch out for that! I liked this by you a lot, I'm impressed:

"Now I forgot the prequel, can't even paint a picture
I studied all the terms, can't seem to fade addiction
Played the records I previously made, I fell the fuck off
They say the beginning is tough but feather's front soft
They said I was just raw, and now i'm corny and beatable
They said I was jaw-dropping, now i'm boring and eatable"

[J.R.]

Thanks, I'm thinking since my vocab sucks I might go through the dictionary and fuck around for a fun track.

[ArsheyHaq]

Yeah, they rhyme.

K, well, you should probably work on that. If I recall correctly, Class had the same complaint about you with something similar not too long ago.

[ArsheyHaq]

Yeah, they rhyme.

K, well, you should probably work on that. If I recall correctly, Class had the same complaint about you with something similar not too long ago.

I don't get why he should restrain himself to writing on-paper rhymes, that's choking the artist out of him...

Because this is the Creative Writing section. It would, maybe, be acceptable if he's doing that on audio. But here it's just about inexcusable and makes him sound like a beginner. I know he's better than that.