Eloquence - Letter of Apology (Feedback is appreciated) :)

[RainMan44]

Ok, so I wrote this in like 2009 and recorded it in 2010. When I recorded it, I fucked up a lot on the flow here and there, but now I've fixed all those issues regarding the structure and shit....all that's left is now to re-record it.

But before I do that, I thought, fuck it...I'll just show you the first "raw" version I guess. Choppy flow at times. Like I said, that's fixed now.

(Wrote this right after my grandpa died...a personal song too me though it doesn't reference his name or a particular even I experienced with him...it still is lol...gna be a single off my album when i decide to get my ass in the studio and record haha)

Rate/hate/comment

btw: I SOUND LIKE A FUCKING WHINEY BITCH in this song, I don't really sound like that. It was just something I thought I'd do, try and make my voice appear "sad"...the new version won't have that since I sucked at it.
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http://soundcloud.com/hellochello24/elo ... gy/s-koxVP

oh and that "grievin process/feelin naseous" rhyme i might've jacked from Em...yea i know GTC came out in 2010, but that line i think was added from me on the day i recorded...i just revised and added it in the 3rd lin...well, rhymed "grievin process" and "makin me naseous"...so he only rhymes process and naseous. I guess its not a jack. he's not the only one allowed to rhyme naseous and process lol

Feedbacklink:
viewtopic.php?f=38&t=122269&p=1734636#p1734636

[RainMan44]

bumpp

[RainMan44]

Anyone?

[Solace]

You had it up for less than a day dude relax lol. Audio stage isn't banging with a bump of people just waiting to peep your track. I might as well though, so hold on for some feed.

EDIT: If this is your first track, damn. You sound pretty good. I mean, I like your delivery. It's usually monotone and horrid when people start. You've got the voice right, now work on the energy. I don't think you sounded weird. The overlays worked well. The chorus was good for what it was. The track, if you had posted it in CW it would be really good. You're clearly a decent writer. The only thing I would like to critique would be your flow, I mean sometimes you have too many syllables or too little syllables per line. Like you said, choppy flow. Seems like you didn't write to the beat first and just recorded it without fixing it. Make sure it's all smooth and easy. I'll peep the re-recorded verse. I hope it's much better than this, 'cause I could bump it that way. What did you record this with? Quality/mixing is clear. The highlight of this track is the chorus. It was real good. I mean, I could actually really bump your music if you practice a bit, you have a lot of potential.

[Eedee]

The beat was awesome!! Your voice didn't seem whiny dude, don't worry haha.

The rhymes were awesome as well, the multi's were great, but I didn't like the lyrics myself (just my personal beliefs... *cough*)

But thanks for feeding me!

PS - The "grievin' process/feeling nauseous" was from You're Never Over, not GTC

[RainMan44]

You had it up for less than a day dude relax lol. Audio stage isn't banging with a bump of people just waiting to peep your track. I might as well though, so hold on for some feed.

EDIT: If this is your first track, damn. You sound pretty good. I mean, I like your delivery. It's usually monotone and horrid when people start. You've got the voice right, now work on the energy. I don't think you sounded weird. The overlays worked well. The chorus was good for what it was. The track, if you had posted it in CW it would be really good. You're clearly a decent writer. The only thing I would like to critique would be your flow, I mean sometimes you have too many syllables or too little syllables per line. Like you said, choppy flow. Seems like you didn't write to the beat first and just recorded it without fixing it. Make sure it's all smooth and easy. I'll peep the re-recorded verse. I hope it's much better than this, 'cause I could bump it that way. What did you record this with? Quality/mixing is clear. The highlight of this track is the chorus. It was real good. I mean, I could actually really bump your music if you practice a bit, you have a lot of potential.

Sorry, I was just kind of excited lol


And thanks a lot man I think the reason I don't sound monotone and dull is because I rehearse most my shit before I record, but I missed some parts on this (flow-wise)....and yeah, I noticed I need to either add or take syllables here and there. I recorded this at a friend's house, pretty decent set up he had. Well, not my friend anymore....but yeah.


Thanks for the feed man, appreciate it

[RainMan44]

The beat was awesome!! Your voice didn't seem whiny dude, don't worry haha.

The rhymes were awesome as well, the multi's were great, but I didn't like the lyrics myself (just my personal beliefs... *cough*)

But thanks for feeding me!

PS - The "grievin' process/feeling nauseous" was from You're Never Over, not GTC

Thanks a lot man, I appreciate that

And oh yeah, that IS YNO, wow. Shame on me. It's one of those things I know but I somehow got wrong lol

[RainMan44]

I told you what I think of this, awesome shit (#imbumpingthisthread)

Awesome track, great music, your lyrics were on-point. And you don't sound like a whiny dude at all, and it's pretty enjoyable, can't wait for the finished version.

Thank you bro, I really appreciate that.


I'll post the new one when I finish it...hopefully it' soon.

[Solace]

Btw mods will bitch for double + posts so next time just quote each thing in one post. And not friend anymore? So do you have your own set up for recording?

[RainMan44]

Btw mods will bitch for double + posts so next time just quote each thing in one post. And not friend anymore? So do you have your own set up for recording?

Will do, good looking out


And nope, I don't got a set up..I could get it if I want, but I am absolutely clueless on how to use all that shit. For now I just save money up (whatever I get from my parents) and hit up a studio.

[Solace]

True, though studio time is pretty costly in comparison to just buying a $90 USB condenser mic, and all you have to do is plug it in the computer and you're set to go. But whatever works best for you man.

[RainMan44]

True, though studio time is pretty costly in comparison to just buying a $90 USB condenser mic, and all you have to do is plug it in the computer and you're set to go. But whatever works best for you man.

I'll look into some things, I just want...I want the stuff to be good quality, so it sounds at least the way this song does.


Does that come down to the mixing, or the quality of the mic? If I record with a bad mic, can a person who knows how to mix fix it?


Just need a couple videos to see what is up and get ready before I decide to buy any equipment.



Btw, the reason I stopped talking to that "friend" is because he charged me for using his HOME studio. How pathetic. "Friend" haha

[Solace]

Well damn...Fuck that friend. It's not like it costed him anything to let you use what he already paid for. Quality of the mic vs quality of the mixing. Ultimately, it comes down to both. Listen to my track I recently posted, "Inadequate". Not that I'm trying to get you to peep it, but listen to the quality. That is with a $20 desktop mic usually used for like Skype or MSN calls, not supposed to be used for recording music vocals. I don't even use a pop filter. I mix everything myself, and I think I get it to sound fine. Kez does the same. You could definitely achieve the quality of this with a USB condenser mic. Home set ups are a wonderful thing. It's best to learn to mix yourself so you won't have to go through the inconvenience of getting people to mix tracks for you and not having it meet your standards, you know? And also, mixing in Cool Edit Pro 2.1 or any version of Adobe Audition isn't a difficult thing to do. I mean, you don't have to be smart at all to do it. That's the beauty of technology these days. Once you figure out how you like to mix it, it will keep those settings so it's just a matter of continuous clicking and then blam you've mixed it. I'm probably explaining it weird, but if you go through with this you'd get it. Also if you have a lil home set up for recording, you'd be able to get more work done and in the comfort of your own home. You could be nude recording. But yeah, think about it.

[RainMan44]

Well damn...Fuck that friend. It's not like it costed him anything to let you use what he already paid for. Quality of the mic vs quality of the mixing. Ultimately, it comes down to both. Listen to my track I recently posted, "Inadequate". Not that I'm trying to get you to peep it, but listen to the quality. That is with a $20 desktop mic usually used for like Skype or MSN calls, not supposed to be used for recording music vocals. I don't even use a pop filter. I mix everything myself, and I think I get it to sound fine. Kez does the same. You could definitely achieve the quality of this with a USB condenser mic. Home set ups are a wonderful thing. It's best to learn to mix yourself so you won't have to go through the inconvenience of getting people to mix tracks for you and not having it meet your standards, you know? And also, mixing in Cool Edit Pro 2.1 or any version of Adobe Audition isn't a difficult thing to do. I mean, you don't have to be smart at all to do it. That's the beauty of technology these days. Once you figure out how you like to mix it, it will keep those settings so it's just a matter of continuous clicking and then blam you've mixed it. I'm probably explaining it weird, but if you go through with this you'd get it. Also if you have a lil home set up for recording, you'd be able to get more work done and in the comfort of your own home. You could be nude recording. But yeah, think about it.

Yeah, exactly. If it DID cost him something, then I'd gladly pay him (which I did either way) but....yeah. Anyway, that sounds fairly easy and appealing. And don't worry, you explained it perfectly. I like the fact you can save the settings to the mix, I didn't know that before And the idea of recording in the nude Lol nah j, but that shit sounds dope. I'ma definitely look into some stuff.

Thanks man, good lookin' out


BTW, "Inadequate" sounds dope quality wise, didn't know a desktop mic could result in that clear sound Also, it's also a dope track. Good shit man

[Joel Venom]

i honestly feel like your flow was off alot, maybe it was latency in the program? idk but i'd say try to practice your writtens before recording or go over and edit to tweak the errors. the lyrics were true and deep and heartfelt. i just felt the mixing and vision of the track was pretty off.


keep it up tho


if you've got the time can you return the favor on my track? viewtopic.php?f=38&t=123695