Yo Watup Creative Writing

[Jdubem]

Yo so ive been messing around with rhymes for a little while now and thought id take it here. Tell me what you think.

I'll do whatever it takes to takeover creative writing.
I'll take a sedative and still be awake and fighting.
So you bitches better step aside and make room
Or I'll be laughing while I watch your mother cry at your tomb
Yeah, Im on another level, you mother fuckers cant hang
Compared to me you bitches are like a little ant gang
I'll do more with one bar then you'll do with your whole life
And right now my only goal is to cause your soul strife.
I'll haunt you with this font, Im a typing poltergeist
And Im just being real, I guarantee I aint nice
I sware Im no gimmick, apparently Im Obie Trice
I dont know if I have talent or just mal intent
I think they go together which is why I wont repent
Yeah Ima do the deed of hurting you deep
So there you go bitches, read it and weep

viewtopic.php?f=24&t=129976

[JamaicanPattlez]

Here, I'll even help you. Feed this: viewtopic.php?f=24&t=129972 and then put that link in the original post!

[Jdubem]

I already looked at the one bro but I'll give you feedback. I can use it for my next one

[Sam.]

For a takeover verse this was pretty weak tbh ,you failed to make a decent punchline and nothing about this was Impressive at all except some mutis.

[Man1x]

Not bad but not impressive, not trying to be mean but you'll improve bro.

[JamaicanPattlez]

I liked it haha. Especially the Obie Trice line. You'll improve, just stry extending rhymes and make rhymes tighter than church girl's vagina.

[Man1x]

I liked it haha. Especially the Obie Trice line. You'll improve, just stry extending rhymes and make rhymes tighter than church girl's vagina.

Why'd you waste that line, that was dope hahaha

[JamaicanPattlez]

I liked it haha. Especially the Obie Trice line. You'll improve, just stry extending rhymes and make rhymes tighter than church girl's vagina.

Why'd you waste that line, that was dope hahaha

LMAO I'll use it later on, it's cool.

[Sam.]

I liked it haha. Especially the Obie Trice line. You'll improve, just stry extending rhymes and make rhymes tighter than church girl's vagina.

Church Girl or Nun ??

[Jdubem]

For a takeover verse this was pretty weak tbh ,you failed to make a decent punchline and nothing about this was Impressive at all except some mutis.

The whole takeover creative writing braggcio rap thing was just kinda what I decided to write about. I mean its kinda my style anyways, but you dont have to take it literally and I didnt really mean for it to raise your expectations like it did.

Also I wasnt really focusing that much on my punches and I admit that the ones I did throw in there could be suspect (typing poltergeist, I didnt really have to include that), but I also feel like they werent terrible either. I was more focusing on just trying to hit hard and harsh with a lot of the stuff. Like me saying I'll be laughing while I watch your mother cry at your tomb. I thought that hit pretty hard which is why I included it even though the rhyming was not at all impressive. Same thing goes with talent, mal intent, repent line and others. I wasnt trying to make complex rhymes schemes and you dont have to everytime to make a good bars which I think I accomplished atleast on some of these?

I do appreciate your feedback. Im just trying to figure out the direction that people think this stuff should go. I guess a lot of you like multis

[Sam.]

Maybe that will make you feel good.

[Jdubem]

Allright so your not gonna answer any of that. I dont mind going into detail about it as of course its something id like to improve upon. If you would like to criticize me constructively then go ahead and say something other than its weak for a takeover verse. But if thats beyond you then dont worry about it. I wont take offense

[Man1x]

Allright so your not gonna answer any of that. I dont mind going into detail about it as of course its something id like to improve upon. If you would like to criticize me constructively then go ahead and say something other than its weak for a takeover verse. But if thats beyond you then dont worry about it. I wont take offense

Sam., the takeover has commenced. Anyway, this section got a boost all of a sudden, so many drops and some old people and new people came back

[Sam.]

You say you wrote this messing around so obviously this won't reflect you full capability ,would it ? Even then I ignored the fact that this was your time pass verse and gave you my honest feed & you go ahead and bitch about.If you can't handle honest criticism then please don't post here because that's what your gonna get here..honest feed .I have seen verses by old / new members that claim taking over this section so in compared to that this was weak.By weak does it mean that it was bad or worthless ,no.You definitely need to improve or maybe you're a dope writer confused as to what people would have to say about your dopeness,if that's the case then don't worry ,post your best work and get nice nice feeds tbh.
And you better be good because this place has seen some shitty new writers.

You wanted some more criticism right ? then here it is brah ! :Up your vocab and work on some complex Rhyme Scheme also Read /Study Poetry.

[Jdubem]

Ok thank you for being honest. I was a little put off at first at how you put it and prolly took it worse than what you meant so thanks for clarifying. I think I see what your saying now though. Its alright just too basic. Theres nothing in there that jumps out at you rhyme wise. Gotta admit I did have fun writing this though. I'll be back.