Trimss - All Falls Down

[Trimss]

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This is my gangsta track.

Nah but seriously, I tried different things with the echos reverbs so it may not sound really good but I think I improved with the staying on beat thing.

Pain grows as rain falls,
bloods stain, my man calls
something went sick bad, wow
He said come at the hospital now,
tossed in a sick place, my homie's
started a quick race to stay alive,
between death and life, breath arrived
Kicks laced, we're ready to switch pace
I spit grace in my prick's airs
Let's pick ak's ready to spray
thick grenade, no need to stay
I'm gonna get that fucker today,
Watch me as I force fate,
when I endorse hate, enforce straight
with a bought skate on a slow rate
here's a great flow though wait,
Hellgate isn't enough mate
Shotguns to blow head, so hey
know fear when you get scared
Yo it's late, i'm about to fall..
What a depressing mindstate..

Thoughts?

[Mahmoud48]

damn ur accent ...u probably get all the bitches with that
but i dont like it on the track lol sry still its pretty good

[Trimss]

damn ur accent ...u probably get all the bitches with that
but i dont like it on the track lol sry still its pretty good

No biggie, but yeah my accent is really really .. noticeable. lol

[Solace]

Word to Cryptic Wisdom...

You started flowing sorta proper at the beginning, and it went to ruins from there. Your accent is workable so whatever. This doesn't really seem written to the beat at all, especially considering your verse went into the chorus. Your adlibs are sloppy and ineffective, aside from the phone ringing. I'd say to stay away from those for now. Especially the adlibs on the last 5 lines, definitely not necessary. I don't know what else to say to be honest, I never go really in depth with my feed. You just have to work on it. You barely record, but if you did more often you'd improve quicker.

[Trimss]

Word to Cryptic Wisdom...

You started flowing sorta proper at the beginning, and it went to ruins from there. Your accent is workable so whatever. This doesn't really seem written to the beat at all, especially considering your verse went into the chorus. Your adlibs are sloppy and ineffective, aside from the phone ringing. I'd say to stay away from those for now. Especially the adlibs on the last 5 lines, definitely not necessary. I don't know what else to say to be honest, I never go really in depth with my feed. You just have to work on it. You barely record, but if you did more often you'd improve quicker.

Why word to Cryptic Wisdom? The only verse I heard from him was on Hopsin's album lmao.

Well, I wanted to add the last lines and I decided to go into the chorus.. And yeah the adlibs on the last lines were to make it a little "funnier" since I didn't want it to be all serious, because i'm not really a Gangsta who kills people. haha

Thank you for the feed, I'll do better next time. (I say that everytime I post a track though.)

[Solace]

Because that's Cryptic Wisdom on the chorus...

[Trimss]

Wow, didn't know he can sing. I'll check him out. I found the beat on Shadowville so I didn't know he's on the hook.

[mdemaz]

Too much bass with your delivery, try moving away from a mic a little bit, don't be scared of reverb, you got the type of voice for that shit.

[Ticalrecords]

it was cool, the chorus is real good and catchy. your adlibs were funny especially the muhahaha one, but they were way too loud and stuck out of place. lyrics were okay, i think your adlibs made the verse stand out though. like to see a second verse on this

return the favor please: viewtopic.php?f=38&t=133502

[B.A.D.]

I love me some gangsta tracks every now and then, lets give you some feed.

ugh, is that you singing the hook?? horrible voice, try to be more natural lol.

Damn! nice accent, sounds eastern European.. Automatic gangsta lmao..

I like it, your mixing is very weird, seems like your boosting some mid freqs with the EQ, its clean, but too dry, try to play more with it, the volume is good... I liked your flow but the structure could be a bit better schemed so you can be more natural when flowing it, try to match the syllables n shit so you can go smooth.... overall, I loved it all except the hook and those weird effected layovers you did almost at the end.... but you got a nice accent, definitively gangsta... looking forward for more

[Eedee]

That accent

lyrics are okay, as Solace said, you started out great with your flow but it all falls down (no pun intended) after that. The beat is grand, love that. Chorus was okay, kinda catchy!

Just work on your quality of flow and enunciating each word perfectly and have it match on beat. Just keep working and you'll get it!

Care to feed back, please? viewtopic.php?f=38&t=133234

[Trimss]

Too much bass with your delivery, try moving away from a mic a little bit, don't be scared of reverb, you got the type of voice for that shit.

Yeah I'll try that. I think reverb doesn't sound nice, but maybe I do it wrong. Thx

it was cool, the chorus is real good and catchy. your adlibs were funny especially the muhahaha one, but they were way too loud and stuck out of place. lyrics were okay, i think your adlibs made the verse stand out though. like to see a second verse on this

return the favor please: viewtopic.php?f=38&t=133502

Yeah I will return the favor ASAP. Thanks, man and yeah I noticed the adlibs were too loud and some weren't placed like they should've been.

I love me some gangsta tracks every now and then, lets give you some feed.

ugh, is that you singing the hook?? horrible voice, try to be more natural lol.

Damn! nice accent, sounds eastern European.. Automatic gangsta lmao..

I like it, your mixing is very weird, seems like your boosting some mid freqs with the EQ, its clean, but too dry, try to play more with it, the volume is good... I liked your flow but the structure could be a bit better schemed so you can be more natural when flowing it, try to match the syllables n shit so you can go smooth.... overall, I loved it all except the hook and those weird effected layovers you did almost at the end.... but you got a nice accent, definitively gangsta... looking forward for more

Nah it's Cryptic Wisdom singing the hook, I kinda liked it though.

Ahah. Well that's maybe because I'm Eastern Europen (albanian), but one thing that could add to it is that that I live in Belgium and speak French so, really big messed mixed accent.

Yeah you're right about the end, I was just testing mixing things lol.

thanks Big Ax!

That accent

lyrics are okay, as Solace said, you started out great with your flow but it all falls down (no pun intended) after that. The beat is grand, love that. Chorus was okay, kinda catchy!

Just work on your quality of flow and enunciating each word perfectly and have it match on beat. Just keep working and you'll get it!

Care to feed back, please? viewtopic.php?f=38&t=133234

Ahaha I thought the accent would bother y'all lol.

Can you tell me where it started to fall down? So I know what I did wrong

thanks, i'll return the favor asap.

[Eedee]

Sorry about the delay, Trimss.

It starts to fall apart at the "hospital... now" part. Flow up to there was good, seemed off after that.

[Trimss]

holy shit the hook
I honestly thought it was someone else on the hook, and you just doing the verse

hook is the best part

..unless that isnt you but I think it is o.0

Lol no, i said above it's cryptic wisdom. If I could sing like that man I wouldn't be rapping haha! Jk.

Sorry about the delay, Trimss.

It starts to fall apart at the "hospital... now" part. Flow up to there was good, seemed off after that.

Okay thanks man, I'll work that out!

[Scrubz]

hmm not bad, I'm not judging on the whole accent thing because thats pretty unfair. but I will critisize on the rhyming and structure...wayyyyyy to basic. I know everyone needs to start somewhere but you need to get a little less simple. It was almost like a nursery rhyme. Delvery was shoty and flow was ight. keep up the work man.