JR And JP - Smoke Falls

[J.R.]

JP and Nutz feed- viewtopic.php?f=24&t=134016

[Intro]
The Darkness burns my eyes,
I remember not but a thing except for the fair skin and blistering smoke that rose from her body..
Watching her slowly be tortured by gods of the beyond, sickening.
Impaling my heart slowly, making me suddenly weak..Dying bit by bit, every muscle shutting down,
only to hear her scream in my shattered mind, "Do you love me now?"

[Verse 1 - JR]
Watch the temples burn to none, and the Masses Die,
Stop The trembled's Turn to run, We'll trap their lives,
Let the fire's eruption, blast the guys, and craft their cries,
Our desire is nothing, Sacks full of pain, is what we Wrap and tie.
We kick start shit and you can't stop what this world has come to,
These quick darts of smoke drop this girl Who Run's you,
Your brain suddenly goes through these deep, mystical Mysteries,
You go insane and weep, you're going through Physical Misery.
I study Astron, I burn shit , check your Thermomenter,
Fasten up, wanna survive the trip ? You better whip out that odometer
The smoke falls and ashes rise,
The weak crawl past my side,
And I just laugh and watch,
If only you could go in the past and stop,
My dominance of these temples of which you reside,
The confidence of thy trembles, As you cease to be Alive,

[Chorus]
Burning, Raining in my soul,
How do I continue to go, when it burns my throat?
Gotta leave this miserable place,
(But thou are trapped in my mystical space!)

[JP]
The temple's burning down and the crowd is crying loud,
And my friends'll be returning, but for now I haven't found 'em,
And I'm confused a bit to what the hell's been going on,
But I see a cruel ass bitch who stands with folding arms,
I'm helping the Royal Guards escort the civilians out,
But I need to know why they're charred, so shit, fill me in now!
As we enter the inferno, I see a little girl,
Who's world around her's burning, and her hair is fried and curled,
I rushed in and retrieved her, her family's relieved to see her,
She's huffing and needs a breather, man I can see the tears hurt,
With a smile on my face, I race to extinguish the place,
And the place was hazed with hate, it's a noticeable trait,
As the tragedy now comes to an unsettling close,
I imagine we're overtaken by the once revelling home,
And we all stand at the steps and the rain begins to fall,
While we remember our plans and the pains rings in our hearts.

[JamaicanPattlez]

This is majorly slept on. Come on, guys!

[Sam.]

This is majorly slept on. Come on, guys!

PM me your verse bruh.

[J.R.]

Okay, slept on.

[Blu]

What.. did I just read?

The intro was a bit corny, I'll be honest.
I'm not too fond of the chorus either.

JR, I feel like you're focusing too much on multi's. I honestly have no clue what you're talking about in your verse. It seems like you added in a bunch of random ass filler lines:

I study Astron, I burn shit , check your Thermomenter,
Fasten up, wanna survive the trip ? You better whip out that odometer

That has NOTHING to do with what JP talks about in his verse. How about this, write a paragraph (with good content), and then make it rhyme.

JP actually tells a nice little story (I liked the part about the little girl & inferno the most).

I would give JR a 4/5 & JP an obvious 5/5.

[JamaicanPattlez]

What.. did I just read?

The intro was a bit corny, I'll be honest.
I'm not too fond of the chorus either.

JR, I feel like you're focusing too much on multi's. I honestly have no clue what you're talking about in your verse. It seems like you added in a bunch of random ass filler lines:

I study Astron, I burn shit , check your Thermomenter,
Fasten up, wanna survive the trip ? You better whip out that odometer

That has NOTHING to do with what JP talks about in his verse. How about this, write a paragraph (with good content), and then make it rhyme.

JP actually tells a nice little story (I liked the part about the little girl & inferno the most).

I would give JR a 4/5 & JP an obvious 5/5.

Thanks man!