King freeverse

[Eedee]

I enjoyed the assonance on the first two bars. Flowed very smoothly for me. The rhyming on this was okay, nothing mind-boggling, barely any multis (I caught one, the 'obedient to me/ ingredient to be' which was a very nice line concept wise), but solid nonetheless if you're just starting out. (Are you? Haven't seen you much on here, my apologies if you have been haha).

Anyway, nothing too jaw-dropping, but not terrible.

[J.R.]

He was writing about a year ago.. That's the last I saws. Good piece if this is a comeback kinda thing, the rhyming could use more multies but the flows nice

[ShAdYTiLIDie]

I liked this man, not bad. I think I've read maybe a couple of your pieces. My only advice would be to pack in more multis in there, I definitely see quite a few in there just try to make most of the lines multis !

[Slim Fiasco]

I'm studying till Friday, so you'll have to wait for my comments. I just wanted to applaud you for focusing on the things that I enjoy more myself. But of course, you know I love Lupe, and this isn't some news to you, haha. But really, I appreciate that aspect much more. And I love when I need to decipher rapper's lyrics. This seemed like some ish that I can't just get in one read.

[Slim Fiasco]

I like the internal rhymes, and the way you take one word and use it in several connotations. Such as "mean" in:

"...by any means necessary
By mean, I mean you in a cemetery"

I also liked that 3rd line, clever way to use the "set on fire" metaphor. I didn't get that football pun without reading your explanation, maybe because I'm not very familiar with the sport (or maybe if you meant soccer, I just couldn't recall what were you talking about). But good one nonetheless.

I got the heir and air parts, but the hair part kinda confused me. Maybe that's just me though, and I can't see the obvious. Bug again, a great line as well. And the verse ends on a high note too.

So overall, I can only say what I said earlier, I think it's great that you aren't focusing on rhyming that much, but more on the content and what you are saying.

[Slim Fiasco]

Sure thing bro, I'm here whenever you need some feedback.

Yup, haha. Though when Henry left Arsenal I kinda lost interest for football. My 2nd favorite is Drogba tough, so I was glad that they won the Champion's League this year.

Actually, I think you did great. Double meaning is good enough, triple and more is for Lupe.

Yeah, cool, you inspired me to write that so your feedback will be most fitting.

[Mr.DGAF]

The first line's assonance is awesome, it's really fun to say. The flow was actually easy to find, lyrics were pretty nice. Like Slim said, I enjoy a lot of wordplay and entendres sometimes with substance to words as opposed to straight rhyming (which I find myself doing a lot, trying to expand though haha). Plus it's always cool to see people from when I first started posting still writing.

[Slim Fiasco]

Double meaning is good enough, triple and more is for Lupe.

Hahahahahahaha lmao.

It's the truth man, hahah. Fuck him, I sometimes explain his lines on RapGenius and it takes forever. Speaking on that, and excuse me for going off topic, I was working on this verse of his yesterday. It's a guest appearance for Sarah Green's song, and it's fucking dope. The song is relatively unknown so you probably haven't heard it, but you will love it for sure.

http://rapgenius.com/Sarah-green-dirty-rose-lyrics

Check that Optimus Prime line

[mdemaz]

It's hard, being a being who's inferior to me
But honestly, to me, you're convenience is unnecessary
Matter of fact, y'all should be obedient to me
I'm not greedy but I possess every ingredient to be

That shit sounds epic when I read it out, I like the repetitive stuff.

Please write some more stuff.

Your structure seems ok too.
Cool.