Dream Girl (Fiasco Day 2)

[CrashBand]

This was good. Awkward moment when we all take the same route to writing to this topic though.

The last line was really good man. Made me chuckle.

Also nice rhyming with Blue waffle. Good piece, not too much to critique.

[CrashBand]

Well I didn't find it amazing but I wouldn't consider it a bad verse by any means.

The rhyming was good and the wit in the last line is pretty good man. It doesn't rhyme though?

[CrashBand]

Early in the 15th bar (hesitated), and the end of the 16th bar (yes I ate it). I heard it flow in my head lol.

@ me. That was the reason I liked it the first time reading and the second time it escaped me.

Must be all this anxiety that's built up due to me writing a fucking daily creative writing piece instead of studying for exams.

[Slim Fiasco]

Hahah, I noticed the same thing about the way we approached the topic, lol, it's some awesome ish. As for this piece, I liked it man, it was cool how you introduced us to the two characters, and that little talk by one of the girls was dope. I definitely liked how the story went on, with Lauren going wild at the end, lol.

[ShAdYTiLIDie]

Lol this was good dude I really liked the blue waffle line! Also its good that you went with kind of a story telling aspect to this one. I like it man keep it up!

[Mr.DGAF]

The blue and red part was easily the best part. It may even be one of the better things I've seen you write before. Outside of that, I thought the piece was pretty average. Not bad by any means, just not spectacular either. The story telling skills are improving in terms of coherency. This all flowed together well, and the rhymes are always pretty good from you.

[SG.]

I liked the back-and-forth between the two characters and the whole idea of Lauren being a hyprocrite. The rhyming was kinda meh, not bad, but not amazing either.