AhdduB - I'm Ready (Hopefully lol)

[Ticalrecords]

POF: viewtopic.php?f=38&t=147696&p=1970739#p1970739

so im gonna had out a mixtape at my college, this is gon b the first track on it. i need to really come with it, cuz i only have one chance at making that first impression. if its wack, the next time i hand them a CD they'll throw it away. so seriously, rip me a new one, i need the harshest critique yall can come up with.

http://soundcloud.com/ahddub/intro-im-finally-ready

I swear I never felt such a physco exhilaration,
to the point where im already hyperventilating,
eyes bulge – dry mouth – shaking leg – right now
has it happened? - We'll find out
the who what where why how
see this – is what yall don’t know about
i’ll get rich by perfecting the stoner slouch
cuz foreal the abstract – yeah its half assed ,
so we'll see who's on record with the last laugh
aint nobody as much of a destined narcissist,
for all I know this is chicken scratch drenched in sarcasm,
I don’t give a fuck –
i'll spit in the wind and duck,
to hit those pesky backstabbers – is that sick or what?,
you gon one up me? Ill dare all them devils,
French kiss like giving a blowjob to a shotgun barrel,
tie your hands behind your back and put your toe on the trigger,
haha nah chill man I aint got the soul of a killer,
or the bullets but dog im cruel as hell,
just know the last thing you’ll remember is me pullin ya leg!,
but this is my way of airing out my dirty laundry,
this is my way of challenging the whole world to taunt me!,
come on world gimmie your best shot - it’s a blitzkrieg,
the key to success safely locked in my rib cage,
tear this chest apart – I must be only human!,
haha I just hope I meet the one who can truly prove it,
shiit I finally feel like biggie, to die for this rap – im ready

i'm really....nervous loll. like i have literally used all the tricks up my sleeve. if this don't work...fuck it nah mean? loll

btw i've had this song in the bank for 2 years. finally feel like its the right time. but ya never know yk

[Eedee]

Okay, you want harsh critique? Let's go.

The talking intro. Too much reverb. Make it dryer. Hurts my ears with SO much reverb. A little is okay. That was too much. Maybe turn down the vocal volume as well.

Your flow. You're almost there. So close... you merge words, it seems like. "Psycho exhilaration" you say it like "psyhiliration". Enunciate each word, dude.
Your sarcastic voice gets old, fast. You use it on every single track... At times in this song it's great but then at other times it's ehhhh. Change your intonation when you're spitting for what you're saying. Your sarcastic voice is great on sarcastic/funny tracks (I know you mentioned it on this track, but still). It felt like you wanted to be serious on this one and didn't pull it off.

Make sure you speak clearly and not slur words. Do more takes if you need to.

On the bright side, rhymes are nice and the beat is really sick. You got the beats and the rhymes. Vocal quality is good IN THE RAP PORTION. Don't put so much reverb on the talking intro.

Oh yeah, question: How do you record in college? I'm heading there tomorrow and I want to still record tracks, but how do you do it without waking people up/causing disturbances? (I'm loud when I spit lol). Thanks!

[Ticalrecords]

i just record in my room, my roommates let me record as long as its after 9 in the morning and before 12 at night loll.

but yea thanks for the feedback man appreciate it alot. yea enunciation is important, thanks for pointing that out. i hate getting defensive, becuz i have been accused of that many times loll, but why did you think i wanted to sound "serious" in this song? do you really think these lyrics should be said aggressively? cuz theres a fine line between being real and being a cartoon gangster. i mean you don't know me, so i understand why you would think i'd want to go "hard" for something like this, yk to prove myself and whatnot...but idk i think its a step backwards. idk. i also need to clear another thing up, when you say "sarcastic" voice... can you hear me laughing while rapping? im wondering if im conveying that emotion/feeling/whatever, cuz im tryna give the idea that im laughing at the whole thing...like i can still see the funny. idk, you already broke my shit down (which i def needed, no doubt) but i'd really appreciate if you helped me out with the questions im asking. thanks man

[Eedee]

i just record in my room, my roommates let me record as long as its after 9 in the morning and before 12 at night loll.

but yea thanks for the feedback man appreciate it alot. yea enunciation is important, thanks for pointing that out. i hate getting defensive, becuz i have been accused of that many times loll, but why did you think i wanted to sound "serious" in this song? do you really think these lyrics should be said aggressively? cuz theres a fine line between being real and being a cartoon gangster. i mean you don't know me, so i understand why you would think i'd want to go "hard" for something like this, yk to prove myself and whatnot...but idk i think its a step backwards. idk. i also need to clear another thing up, when you say "sarcastic" voice... can you hear me laughing while rapping? im wondering if im conveying that emotion/feeling/whatever, cuz im tryna give the idea that im laughing at the whole thing...like i can still see the funny. idk, you already broke my shit down (which i def needed, no doubt) but i'd really appreciate if you helped me out with the questions im asking. thanks man

I'm more worried about disturbing the dorm rooms adjacent to me lol. I'll figure it out.

And no problem, helping you get better.
Okay, the song is about you finally getting this shit right. "I'm Ready". The lyrics themselves are a bit funny/sarcastic but the whole vibe of the song is you getting this shit down and finally being ready... right? The voice I heard you use you use for every track. That sarcastic, laid back tone. I don't think that works for every track, IMO. I can't hear you laughing while you're doing it but I can hear the clear sarcasm in your voice. The way you change pitch slightly, like someone who's making a sarcastic remark would do, you do that in every one of your raps. I dunno if that's just your voice or what, but I don't think it'll work for every track, unless you never plan on doing serious/emotional tracks lol.

I'm not asking you to be a cartoon gangster or go "hard", I'm just saying change your tone for the aura of the song. The lyrics here are funny, so I guess the sarcastic voice will go along with it, but once you start making emotional/deep songs (can't remember if you have before), drop the sarcastic voice and set the mood with your tone. I don't wanna hear your sarcastic voice rap something like:
"My dog just died, and my girl just left me,
I have an awful life, the fucking world feels empty."
Ya know? You need more range on your rapping style if you realllllly want to make it in this rap game.

[Ticalrecords]

yea fasho, nah you got a valid point, i guess i just have to actually post those songs loll. but okay so we're not talking about how the sarcasm doesn't fit THIS song, right? cuz thats what i thought you were saying, but if your saying in general, then yea i agree. variety is the key. thanks for responding tho, i really do appreciate your feedback and will def utilize it in some way

[Eedee]

No problem, man. We're all in this together, gotta help each other out. Variety is the key, for real. The sarcastic voice was okay on here, just make sure you don't use it always, is what I'm saying.

[Ticalrecords]

np man thanks for the listen. i forgot to ask the most important question... and you gotta be completely honest about it cuz its the deciding factor: does this song have replay value?

[Eedee]

np man thanks for the listen. i forgot to ask the most important question... and you gotta be completely honest about it cuz its the deciding factor: does this song have replay value?

If you pronounced your words better, coupled with this sick beat, yes. As it is now, barely.

[Blu]

You definitely seem pretty comfortable on the mic, the only problem is, like Eedee said, is that you slur your words.

Besides that, hell, it's good man.

[Eedee]

You definitely seem pretty comfortable on the mic, the only problem is, like Eedee said, is that you slur your words.

Besides that, hell, it's good man.

Besides the fact you slur ur wurdz,
I like the track, it's purty gurd.

[mdemaz]

I really love your voice!
I don't have a problem with the reverberation; it's an acquired taste.

I really love the energy, but you seem to be making no sense some of the time, haha.

Keep working on this shit, man.

The flow is insane; it's all over the place.
It makes me feel like I'm walking into a black hole, haha.

Keep it up.

[Ticalrecords]

loll which parts am i not making sense?

[mdemaz]

loll which parts am i not making sense?

Nevermind, after a few listens I understand.

First listens are always confusing...

[Ticalrecords]

loll i'm flattered that you took another listen. im fixing it this weekend so i'll have it posted by tomarow

[Ticalrecords]

yo i updated the song, i worked real hard on the enunciation... here it is

http://soundcloud.com/ahddub/intro-im-finally-ready