Just Silver & Painkiller - Suicidal Thoughts

[Just Silver]

Thanks for the feed ray

[Sam.]

@Just:Nice drop, JS. I'm mighty impressed by this. The phrasing was the high point of your verse. It was a good thing as well as bad. I'm saying this because, the more you concentrate on the phrasing, the more you mess up the flow at times. The same happened in the initial 4-5 bars, then the flow picked up nicely.Presentation of the content was good and was exactly how I like it. Work on the Multis, though, bro.

[Just Silver]

@Just:Nice drop, JS. I'm mighty impressed by this. The phrasing was the high point of your verse. It was a good thing as well as bad. I'm saying this because, the more you concentrate on the phrasing, the more you mess up the flow at times. The same happened in the initial 4-5 bars, then the flow picked up nicely.Presentation of the content was good and was exactly how I like it. Work on the Multis, though, bro.

Thanks guy multis used to be my trademark lol
That's why ive been lacking lately :/

[PAINKILLƎR]

Thanks for the feed ray!

[Mr.DGAF]

Perhaps my favorite verse from Silver here. There was some nice rhyming in here actually, I saw a bunch of hidden rhymes in there. Flow was nice and the lyrics themselves were really nice. Not many filler bars at all, almost all of it was pertinent to the topic. Good shit dude.

Pain has a good verse too. The first three or four bars are really well written. Especially the inners there. The rest was fine but nothing really stood out tbh. It just seemed like good writing. Not really a bad thing, just a bit bland.

[PAINKILLƎR]

Perhaps my favorite verse from Silver here. There was some nice rhyming in here actually, I saw a bunch of hidden rhymes in there. Flow was nice and the lyrics themselves were really nice. Not many filler bars at all, almost all of it was pertinent to the topic. Good shit dude.

Pain has a good verse too. The first three or four bars are really well written. Especially the inners there. The rest was fine but nothing really stood out tbh. It just seemed like good writing. Not really a bad thing, just a bit bland.

Thanks for the feed DGAF, I'll try to be more creative and exciting next time around.

[Snakebeast]

The entire piece displayed both of your abilities very well, imo.

Just Silver:
This is most likely the best verse I've ever seen from you.....like, ever. The piece is structured better than anything what I've seen before from you. I loved the rhyming, and how its not forced at all. More importantly though, it's very coherent, and the transition from thought to thought is smooth. I especially love this part:

Im telling you this, i really want guns to fire me quick, dont fire i quit
Im young dumb and inspired by piff, the grim reaper admires my wits
A slim reach to my knife, i perspire from hands, and slits cover my wrist

All that said, the structuring still could use a bit of work, as I had some difficulty finding the flow in some parts of the verse. For example:

Even if my breath leads to hells steps we live to digest
And stomach our own threats,and yes,situation isnt the best

That bolded word seemed to fuck up any flow I tried to put to the verse, mostly because it added too many syllables that you couldn't necessarily speed over, lest clear enunciation be sacrificed.

PAINKILLER(is there a mac shortcut for a backwards e?):
I like the structure on your verse a lot more, and it started out really strong, with lots of multis and hidden rhymes:

I've lost my mind, you can say I got a severed head
My heart shrouds with dark clouds and it never ends
Fill up sorrow staring at the bottom of an empty pill bottle
I'm not ill although I use them to drown my sorrows

But....No but, actually. It stayed strong throughout. It took me a while to find a flow that fit with this verse, but it's a great verse. I especially like rhyming for the two parts I bolded. Once again, no forced rhyming, and everything works.

[PAINKILLƎR]

The entire piece displayed both of your abilities very well, imo.

Just Silver:
This is most likely the best verse I've ever seen from you.....like, ever. The piece is structured better than anything what I've seen before from you. I loved the rhyming, and how its not forced at all. More importantly though, it's very coherent, and the transition from thought to thought is smooth. I especially love this part:

Im telling you this, i really want guns to fire me quick, dont fire i quit
Im young dumb and inspired by piff, the grim reaper admires my wits
A slim reach to my knife, i perspire from hands, and slits cover my wrist

All that said, the structuring still could use a bit of work, as I had some difficulty finding the flow in some parts of the verse. For example:

Even if my breath leads to hells steps we live to digest
And stomach our own threats,and yes,situation isnt the best

That bolded word seemed to fuck up any flow I tried to put to the verse, mostly because it added too many syllables that you couldn't necessarily speed over, lest clear enunciation be sacrificed.

PAINKILLER(is there a mac shortcut for a backwards e?):
I like the structure on your verse a lot more, and it started out really strong, with lots of multis and hidden rhymes:

I've lost my mind, you can say I got a severed head
My heart shrouds with dark clouds and it never ends
Fill up sorrow staring at the bottom of an empty pill bottle
I'm not ill although I use them to drown my sorrows

But....No but, actually. It stayed strong throughout. It took me a while to find a flow that fit with this verse, but it's a great verse. I especially like rhyming for the two parts I bolded. Once again, no forced rhyming, and everything works.

Thank you for the feed and the kind words snake, I appreciate it.

and I don't own a mac so I can't help you there buddy.

[PAINKILLƎR]

PK, my *****

Dope verse. Everything sounds clean to me.

I didn't like JS as much, felt like he could've written something stronger after PK's verse.

The concept might be a bit played out, but overall the writting is on point!

thanks for the feed fam, agree with concept. I'll try to be more creative next time around