Hip-Hop (All enemies diss)

by **Francesco** » Jun 5th, '13, 14:29

LoF - viewtopic.php?f=24&t=160964

There is too much terminology & what not so if y'all don't understand whatever but care to know... just ask!

Verse 1
I am...
a lyrical killah, illah than boyz orgy
starrin' Vanilla & couple of Boy Georgies
ignorant fucks, I'm rulin' 'em
like Billie & Bernie schoolin' 'em trully bullying' 'em
'cuz I hate rivals mo' than a West Ham hooligan
paid in full again
known as Tina's & Brit's hitter
J. Bieb's & Selena's clitz slitter
Mariah's itchy bitch splitter
creampied 'fore richie rich eat her
my dick a chich feeder
What? Pace & Bis bitter
as hot as The Ink's glitter
Jeff brushed aside like Everlast bitch quitter
faggots is jizz spitterz
Deadlea mo' disgustin' than chicks & kids beaters
like P's & Chris'
Bitch I kill like Nasir's Ether
Crap...flushin' 'em filled shitterz
I'm fuckin' ill spitter who spills heatah

Verse 2
I slap wankaz & stinkin' hip-pop
Charlies in pink & flip-flops
Bow Wow midgets & Omarions
Souljas & Lil Bridgittes... wackism have no barriers
Bawse is the most gimmick alive...I go rebellious
& Khaled & Joe gimme a knife..I go the helliest
& reach out to stick 'em
after they down I pick 'em
up & I still kick 'em
Yung Bergs like I'm Trick Trickah
it's like geek speak up
when my piece click clickah
lil' pricks hickup & mumble like they sipped liquor
this shit's stick up
I'm down with Bloodz & Crips niccas
down with G-Unit bitch Ricky's clique weakah
I rip slickaz 'cuz my dick's thicker
than rapist hick freakah
Stack is swineherdin' shit kickah
I whip chicas as cheap as Prett Rickas
Bitch I spit quicker
them punches a bit sicka than Boy Bands & dick lickaz in Slick's picah
faggots just dig fecals
& tickle their bums with big pickles

Verse 3/Outro

I am a creeps clipper
sinkin' 'em peeps deeper like it's Titanic ship's skipper
gimme lap dancin' prick stripperz
briefs wearin' lips lickaz who suckin' dicks deeper
then call me Jack the wick'd Ripper
I slaughter Spectaculaz
heavily ejaculate & bounce immaculate
Hottest MC's list
as accurate as a mag
fuckin' d-EM-onic & DR-acula
but givin' 5 to Ray suckula...

by **Just Silver** » Jun 5th, '13, 16:25

Some Nice lines the colors messed with my head though lol

Sometimes you got stuck with some basic rhymes but the way you flowed it was nice well how i perceived it

Some lines feel thought out and others don't but that is something that happens with everyone

Keep at it ijust try to lose the colors

by **BigBoss** » Jun 5th, '13, 16:28

Lold at titanic line

by **Just Silver** » Jun 5th, '13, 16:31

Also never thought you'd be this street type of writer it's a nice change of pace from people that take it too serious

by **Francesco** » Jun 6th, '13, 08:52

Just Silver wrote:Some Nice lines the colors messed with my head though lol
Sometimes you got stuck with some basic rhymes but the way you flowed it was nice well how i perceived it
Some lines feel thought out and others don't but that is something that happens with everyone
Keep at it ijust try to lose the colors

Thanks man... :y:

I used the colors to help out people with the flow 'cuz it's kinda tricky at times.
I was gonna say in the original post I use basic lines along the rest to keep up the supposed machine gun delivery which goes for the most part.
Most of the lines are thought & nearly all reflect on facts/events or whatever but like I said there's too much terminology & what not so y'all might have not understood a lot of it. Just lemme know if you didn't get whatever line but care to know 'cuz basically a lotta lines that look kinda simple reflect on whatever that has happened but that kinda stays hidden here & there.

BigBoss wrote:Lold at titanic line

Thanks homie! :y:

Just Silver wrote:Also never thought you'd be this street type of writer it's a nice change of pace from people that take it too serious

True... writing is only like a hobby to me & I've been a great fan of hip-hop for so fucking long now & have been fortunate to witness so much outta it so I just naturally pour it out like it suppose to be.

bigray wrote:Ha Ha...I really liked this drop...first drop from you I have ever read, Rhymes and multis were great and flowed so well for me....the content his pretty funny as well and dope too.
I didn't like the coloring thing you did...it threw me off a little.

Thanks a lot Ray... :y:

I appreciate it homie.
Again... I used the colors to help out all y'all 'cuz the supposed flow is pretty tricky at times... if not most of the time.
I kinda feel sorry for disrespecting Benzino using his real name Ray 'cuz you use the same name on the forum. :b:

Thanks again all y'all! :y:

By the way... is it just me or that gem is TR's Creative Writing piece of the decade? lol

by **Sam.** » Jun 8th, '13, 22:49

This was an absolute delight. I regret not feeding this earlier. My bad.

I never thought that you'd write. This is genuinely very good and hats off to the technicalities. A little bit overly done, don't you think? I've a piece pretty similar to the style that you've experimented here(It's much more complex), and it does have flow issues. Not here in this case. Flow was like the breeze. It reminded me of "DJ Whoo Kid Freestyle" by Eminem. Rhyming was basic at places, work on that.

Interesting content. The 1st Verse was just mind-blowing, but I can't say the same about the 2nd. It was 80% or so of the 1st Verse's dopeness. Not bad, though, yo. Keep it together.

I'm letting the structure go because there's no beat and secondly there's a better use of Multis to compensate for that. Try poetry. It helps in structuring, phrasing, presentation and what not. Don't over do it, otherwise you'll suffer the same fate as me. My Raps look like fucking poetry to everybody.

It's good that you highlighted the Rhymes, I just hovered my mouse over it and could see them all. Don't use bright colors, nahimean?

Your writing style is clever. Try expanding the bars. Well, I already told you how to do that.

by **Francesco** » Jun 9th, '13, 10:09

Sam. wrote:This was an absolute delight. I regret not feeding this earlier. My bad.
I never thought that you'd write. This is genuinely very good and hats off to the technicalities. A little bit overly done, don't you think? I've a piece pretty similar to the style that you've experimented here(It's much more complex), and it does have flow issues. Not here in this case. Flow was like the breeze. It reminded me of "DJ Whoo Kid Freestyle" by Eminem. Rhyming was basic at places, work on that.
Interesting content. The 1st Verse was just mind-blowing, but I can't say the same about the 2nd. It was 80% or so of the 1st Verse's dopeness. Not bad, though, yo. Keep it together.
I'm letting the structure go because there's no beat and secondly there's a better use of Multis to compensate for that. Try poetry. It helps in structuring, phrasing, presentation and what not. Don't over do it, otherwise you'll suffer the same fate as me. My Raps look like fucking poetry to everybody.
It's good that you highlighted the Rhymes, I just hovered my mouse over it and could see them all. Don't use bright colors, nahimean?
Your writing style is clever. Try expanding the bars. Well, I already told you how to do that.

Sam... I care a great deal about your reviews as you're great at technicalities & all that. :y:

Thanks a lot for the compliments, the hints & overall for that genuine & fair review. :y:

Points taken... I totally get what you're saying. Thanks a lot again! :worship:

by **Snakebeast** » Jun 9th, '13, 19:00

Very....street. Not just the name-dropping, but the spelling and all that. Normally I'm not one for this type of rap, but some of those lines genuinely made me laugh. And no need to highlight the rhymes. Half the fun is combing through the verse looking for ones I missed :3

Definitely unique (compared to what I've seen on the site), but I would recommend making longer bars to get your punchlines and points across. Oh, and I loved the rhyming :y:

by **Francesco** » Jun 11th, '13, 12:25

Thanks a lot Snake... :y:

I get your points... it was made like that structure/line wise & content wise on purpose though.
Let me know what lines exactly you think you've missed or haven't really understood & I'll clear that out for you. :y:

Thanks again & keep it up!

by **Sam.** » Jun 11th, '13, 19:20

That Everlast line almost made me lol.

by **Francesco** » Jun 12th, '13, 00:02

Sam. wrote:That Everlast line almost made me lol.

What? Pace & Bis bitter
as hot as The Ink's glitter
Jeff brushed aside like Everlast bitch Quitter

This part is actually from the ones most of y'all probably understood anyway but I'll still make it clear...
The first line is about PaceWon & Canibus been bitter & on a roll constantly dissing Em & other rappers which got 'em to where Murder Inc was placed already... & then it's about Ja Rule been brushed aside like Evarlast as I even refer to one of the songs that pushed Everlast out.

I was thinking about shedding some light on the more complicated lines with double meanings & kinda hidden messages actually... I might do it. Lemme know if you didn't understand whatever line Sam.

Thanks a lot again too... :y:

by **Sam.** » Jun 12th, '13, 19:43

Explain all the lines.

by **Francesco** » Jun 14th, '13, 00:33

Sam. wrote:Explain all the lines.

Ok Sam... I'll go one verse at a time though 'cuz that'd be a lotta work.
First of all that was like one song out of a supposed mixtape called All enemies diss & the point of it was to hit at as many wack rappers & what not while giving props to as many legends or legendary songs/albums at the same time. This is the reason why there are so many name drops, songs/albums references, technicalities & all that.
For example this is part of another song of the supposed mixtape & the two enlarged lines explain & define the whole thang:

I'm influenced by the greatests
I'm Slim Shadist
I'm Nasirian & Jay-Zist...
if it's beats I'm Premirian & Drezist
my record's name list
mix of legends hailed & lames dissed

Anyway... Verse 1

Apart the easily understandable first part of those two lines... this is Boy Geogre:

& this is what the Vanila & a couple of Boy Georgies reference is all about:

I am...
a lyrical killah, illah than boyz orgy
starrin' Vanilla & couple of Boy Georgies

The next two lines hit at Bill O'Reilly & Bernard Goldberg 'cuz of their anti hip-hop views & what not... & refer to another song out of the mixtape in which I go at Bill O'Reilly too:

ignorant fucks, I'm rulin' 'em
like Billie & Bernie schoolin' 'em trully bullying' 'em

A football fan would easily understand the next line. It's about some of the worst football hooligans in the world... the fans of West Ham who are well known for their hate towards other clubs' fans, esp. the ones of Millwall:

'cuz I hate rivals mo' than a West Ham hooligan

Apart the nuts grabbing on my side... the next line is a shout out to Eric B & Rakim's classic too:

Paid in full again

The next 5 lines are random punchlines which suppose to keep up the supposed machine gun delivery & hit at Christina, Britney, Justin Bieber, Selena Gomez, Mariah & Nick Cannon. The last two out of them mean I cum inside Mariah before Nick eats her & that suppose to mean I feed them both pussies at the same time: lol

known as Tina's & Brit's hitter
J. Bieb's & Selena's clitz slitter
Mariah's itchy bitch splitter
creampied 'fore richie rich eat her
my dick a chich feeder

These 3 lines again... the first one is about PaceWon & Canibus been bitter & on a roll constantly dissing Em & other rappers which got 'em to where Murder Inc was placed already... & then it's about Ja Rule been brushed aside like Evarlast as I even refer to one of the songs that pushed Everlast out:

What? Pace & Bis bitter
as hot as The Ink's glitter
Jeff brushed aside like Everlast bitch Quitter

The first part of the next two lines is about a gay rapper called Deadlee who dissed Em, DMX, 50 & Trick Trick a few years back... this is him: lol

& the second part hits at Chris Brown & Pleasure P:

faggots is jizz spitterz
Deadlee mo' disgustin' than chicks & kids beaters
like P's & Chris'

The verse ends with a shout out to Nas & Ehter & there is some more nuts grabbing packed in these last 3 lines that suppose to finish it off with that same machine gun delivery:

Bitch I kill like Nasir's Ether
Crap...flushin' 'em filled shitterz
I'm fuckin' ill spitter who spills heatah

Enjoy... second's verse breaking down is coming tomorrow!

by **Sam.** » Jun 14th, '13, 20:23

That's just the 1st Verse? Holy fuck, son, that's a lot of work you put there. I'm honoured.

by **Francesco** » Jun 15th, '13, 14:30

Sam. wrote:That's just the 1st Verse? Holy fuck, son, that's a lot of work you put there. I'm honoured.

No problem at all... :y:

You said you loved the first verse so I hope that has helped you understand the lines you didn't initially understand.

Second's verse breaking down is coming later on!

Hip-Hop (All enemies diss)

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