another song it's called Day by Day (imcomplete)

[stevethetruth]

Verse 1:
it's all fun and games till someone brings a gun
and when it's at your head you realize your done
so whatever you do do not shoot someone
with a semi automactic all it takes is one
a single shot from the gun to end all the fun
when something like this happens call 911
that'll help you save your own life and keep the casulty at none
if someone happens to get killed do yourself a favor and run for the hills
run from all the quick ways that have you making bills
if you stuck in this situation and you can't get out
your stuck your done man you'll never get out
sooner or later seeing a gun won't have you bugged out
it won't really matter cause it's always at your mouth
you'll be living day by day with no future if i may
if someone shot at you and your friend jumped in the way
he's gone he's dead move onto the next day

Chorus:
it don't matter what they say
there's many obstitles along the way
just hope for everything to be ok and pray
just do what you can do to see the next day

[BaZZ]

its cool n all but u said if someone puts a gun to ur head u call 911.... i dont think that'll help alot

[,-,'-{Bar}-',-,]

pretty nice rythming i like the subject alot pretty good

[stevethetruth]

@Slim_880 - lol yeah niether would i but i guess that's all i could think of lmao!!

@bar - thanks for the feedback man

[katastrophe]

im gonna critique it like i sometimes do with written songs

Verse 1:
it's all fun and games till someone brings a gun
and when it's at your head you realize your done
so whatever you do do not shoot someone
with a semi automactic all it takes is one
a<<u dont need that. single shot from the gun to end all the fun
when something like this happens call 911
that'll help you save your own life and keep the casulty at none<<< you dont need that line
if someone happens to get killed do yourself a favor and run for the hills
re write above line like this..."if someone gets killed/
do yourself a favor and run for the hills
run from all the quick ways that have you making bills
insert a rhyme where the last word ends in "bills"
if you stuck in this situation and you can't get out
your stuck your done man you'll never get out
sooner or later seeing a gun won't have you bugged out
it won't really matter cause it's always at your mouth
you'll be living day by day with no future if i may
if someone shot at you and your friend jumped in the way
insert rhyme where the last word ends in "way"
he's gone he's dead move onto the next day


Chorus:
it don't matter what they say
there's many obstitles along the way
just hope for everything to be ok and pray
just do what you can do to see the next day


overall its good and i like it. with some minor changes it could be a really good song

[stevethetruth]

cool man i really really needed that kind of review thanks a lot man

[stevethetruth]

feedback please