a rythm a day ( small rythm ) ( feedback)

[,-,'-{Bar}-',-,]

ma words bite yer ass,
ma fist smash the glass,
my ability is the peak,
how a touch when a speak,
gentle like the girls hand,
and hard like a rock band,
im giving you mixed signs,
my styles, with mixed rythms,
a mix time and talent,
talking bout me its apparent,
got no support by my parent,
i only got one if a never said before,
ma father about but should be more,
what a got in ma head a cant project yet,
take a serious approach , of like a jet,
a spit a rythm a day, to keep my mind at bay,
to keep the demon of my back,
keep the satan out my head,
not rythming is a thought i dread,


feedback please

[AspirinE]

so so, i read better from you.


My honest opinion is that u need to work on flow. Lyrics are more than just multies and metaphores. Its also creativity in delivery and how u play with sounds. Basically wat im talking bout its creativity itself, but practice is always good... keep rhyming.

[katastrophe]

so so, i read better from you.

yea..what he said. it was pretty good but some parts were "eh" if u know what i mean. youll get better though. really better actually. keep it up homie

[AspirinE]

for example...

talking bout me its apparent,
got no support by my parent,

could be a MUCH better line with just a bit more effort.

talking bout me its very apparent/
got no support by cherished parents/

nah mean, if theres a possibility to add a another word in the sentance and it could be turned into a mad multi dont waste it.

[,-,'-{Bar}-',-,]

thx for the feed guys and yeh i sorta did just rush this i didnt even see that i could have changed that line anywae thx for the feed and ill take it into consideration

[.Giorgo.]

I don't know . It's just short. If u make it longer it could be something kool. U can do much better Bar, i've seen some nice shit from you.