another rythm ( feedback please!!)

[,-,'-{Bar}-',-,]

lyrically learning , typically tearing ,
skill that am bearing ,chill now am pairing,
hittin the rythms , with the time , to climb,
hitting yer mind , with the chime , to head-rythm,
take yer rythm back to middle-ages,
rip yer rythms out the middle-pages,
im a high-placed-king , with the high-cased-rythm,
my words hit with more sting than a bee-hive ,
you knee-high , am thee-drive , you aint gonni survive,
punchlines hit like tyson , but am bison ,
ill suck you up like a dyson,

just practice again , feedback appreciated need as much as possible to progress

i read through it there and i think i need to do this


pairing = meaning like pairing of with people

chime = like the noise in your head

high-cased-rythm = if something in a muesom or something is in a high case its really special

thee-drice = prounounced " lee-drive "

bison = a character out of a computer game i think its street fighter aint sure , anywae hes really big strong blah blah blah

dyson = the hoover


just thought some people might not understand it

anywae feedback please so i cant get better

[.Giorgo.]

It's good, it are deep rhymes. But it's so short.
This is better for a battle. But it's practice so.
But i really like ya rhymes. U also do some hard rhymes with many words.
Nice work G.

[C-Game]

nice one

i wld have liked if u wld have continued the rhyme LEARNING

as in

this rap game im learning and all the wack dames im returning
i but sluts from ur earnings and im full of love im yearning
but inside im burning this rage is real it keeps me turning
in to a monster this meetings adjourning pls go girl coz im spurning

yea but ur one was better

[,-,'-{Bar}-',-,]

It's good, it are deep rhymes. But it's so short.
This is better for a battle. But it's practice so.
But i really like ya rhymes. U also do some hard rhymes with many words.
Nice work G.

thx....yeh its only practice , i aint been writing songs lately just small rythms for practice , im really just readin alot of shit to get better like ppl tips in audio section and stuff lol thx for the read

[,-,'-{Bar}-',-,]

nice one

i wld have liked if u wld have continued the rhyme LEARNING

as in

this rap game im learning and all the wack dames im returning
i but sluts from ur earnings and im full of love im yearning
but inside im burning this rage is real it keeps me turning
in to a monster this meetings adjourning pls go girl coz im spurning

yea but ur one was better

lol

thx for the read man

[yoshi]

wow.. that's cool Bar some tight rhymes in it n yeah.. i like it keep it up

[,-,'-{Bar}-',-,]

wow.. that's cool Bar some tight rhymes in it n yeah.. i like it keep it up

thx you awesome

[Marth]

good shit ;)

[,-,'-{Bar}-',-,]

thx for the reads sarah hot voice

[Kez]

I like the fact that you used a lot of multies.

Keep on doing your thing

[PmT-Faith]

haha you have the exact opposite problem that i have, I tenmd to try and sqweeze as much words as i can into a line, And you just dont put enough lol, Try makin em longer, U'll love the sound of flow if you do, ur style sounds like it has to be read super fast (but would make it that you dont have enuff bars)...and if read slow, is just tiring....Up that shit, U'll be impressed

[,-,'-{Bar}-',-,]

haha you have the exact opposite problem that i have, I tenmd to try and sqweeze as much words as i can into a line, And you just dont put enough lol, Try makin em longer, U'll love the sound of flow if you do, ur style sounds like it has to be read super fast (but would make it that you dont have enuff bars)...and if read slow, is just tiring....Up that shit, U'll be impressed

naw u dont understand what this is this is practice of multis and techniques its not written to be flowed to no beat hence not long bars , but i see what you mean , thx for feed

kez aswell