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what would you do if you died tomorrow (incomplete)

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what would you do if you died tomorrow (incomplete)

Postby ,-,'-{Bar}-',-, » Oct 28th, '06, 19:16

Chorus

what would you do if you life ended tommorrow
you stops up no more train track to follow
broke so many times you heart has turn to hollow
what would you do if you life ended tommorrow
you stops up no more train track to follow
broke so many times you heart has turn to hollow
what would you do
what would you do

Verse

a whant yall to feel me i got pain in ma words
am screaming them loud every sylable should be heard
every time i write a words its like im under a curse,
sorta like a demon but this ones wurse,
a wanne know why life hurts why the beat murks,
why people hate on me for being me,
what else you wanne see who else shall i be,
simple back this aint a lyrical attack ,
if a die today i aint accomplished nothing,
a vow to become something but if a die shit , nothing,
you ever had to grow up so fast a witches spell was cast,
a grew up in a click of fingers coz the pedo lingers,
i had to hold my family in my arms to stop the harms they felt,
a dont know what to do this is how ma story is telt,
if my life ends now i aint solved nothing,
imma find the motherfucker rip out his innner stuffing,

Chorus

what would you do if you life ended tommorrow
you stops up no more train track to follow
broke so many times you heart has turn to hollow
what would you do if you life ended tommorrow
you stops up no more train track to follow
broke so many times you heart has turn to hollow
what would you do
what would you do

Verse

time to tell you the way this motherfucker goes down,
ive been riduculed slapped looked like a clown,
keep yer head up chin above yer shoulders,
i aint got no soilders but a keep ma pride a told-yis,
a seen him once in a instant the fear comes,
after pumping myself up it all runs,
it runs away from me today off all days i had to see,
he was crossing the road getting into a car,
didt recognise me coz i grew the attitude bar,
sudenly i froze the anger rose a got on ma toes,
a was about to commit ma first murder,
the thought of how he hurt her ,
they drove me to cross the road,
but a just but a stalled a was forgetting the code,
dont kill unless you know its the right guy,
dont kill unless you get away fly,
only kill if he made your family cry,
only kill if you can face the man that die,

Chorus

what would you do if you life ended tommorrow
you stops up no more train track to follow
broke so many times you heart has turn to hollow
what would you do if you life ended tommorrow
you stops up no more train track to follow
broke so many times you heart has turn to hollow
what would you do
what would you do


( incomplete )


need to work on it a little more

anywae feed please :D
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Postby stevethetruth » Oct 28th, '06, 19:19

WTF???
i just wrote a song like that lmao

called what if?

you should it out i'm reading it right now and i'll edit the post once i finish

-edit-

it was pretty good it had a pontenial to be a lot better
the chorus is sick though i like that

idk try to do multiple rhymes in a line maybe it would sound better
(sounds fucking weird with me saying it lol)

idk what it needs but it could be better maybe i just have to hear the audio to completely understand it all lol

overall though i've seen better from you and i kind of expected some complex rhymes in here (correct me if i'm wrong)
Last edited by stevethetruth on Oct 28th, '06, 19:24, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby ,-,'-{Bar}-',-, » Oct 28th, '06, 19:44

i read shit gives me ideas to write shit, can i say duh :sweating: lol


@ steve , this aint a cmoplex rythm or nothing like that ( i think i say that in it ) but yeh i knwo it needs more work witch ill do to it since i got a beat for it

the hoka int completely mine lol the beat is jhon cena what would you do if it all ended tommorrow im just changing the words of the hook the hook for the song is

what would you do if it all ended tommorrow
times running out no more you can borrow
so many paths witch one you gonni follow
what would you do if it all ended tommorrow


lol

and yeh ill work on it maybe add complex rythms if ya'll think itll help
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Postby stevethetruth » Oct 28th, '06, 19:59

Bar wrote:i read shit gives me ideas to write shit, can i say duh :sweating: lol


@ steve , this aint a cmoplex rythm or nothing like that ( i think i say that in it ) but yeh i knwo it needs more work witch ill do to it since i got a beat for it

the hoka int completely mine lol the beat is jhon cena what would you do if it all ended tommorrow im just changing the words of the hook the hook for the song is

what would you do if it all ended tommorrow
times running out no more you can borrow
so many paths witch one you gonni follow
what would you do if it all ended tommorrow


lol

and yeh ill work on it maybe add complex rythms if ya'll think itll help


it's fine as it is idk i just was sort of expecting more cause latly you've stepped up your game ya know??

if i was in your position i'd just finish the song excatly the way you were gonna finish it :)
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Postby ,-,'-{Bar}-',-, » Oct 28th, '06, 20:09

steverocks88 wrote:
Bar wrote:i read shit gives me ideas to write shit, can i say duh :sweating: lol


@ steve , this aint a cmoplex rythm or nothing like that ( i think i say that in it ) but yeh i knwo it needs more work witch ill do to it since i got a beat for it

the hoka int completely mine lol the beat is jhon cena what would you do if it all ended tommorrow im just changing the words of the hook the hook for the song is

what would you do if it all ended tommorrow
times running out no more you can borrow
so many paths witch one you gonni follow
what would you do if it all ended tommorrow


lol

and yeh ill work on it maybe add complex rythms if ya'll think itll help


it's fine as it is idk i just was sort of expecting more cause latly you've stepped up your game ya know??

if i was in your position i'd just finish the song excatly the way you were gonna finish it :)


yeh i know what you mean , i dont this to try get back into raw feeling if you havent noticed i cant get emotion in my shit if im tryna do multis and stuff but yeh i understand you , thx :D
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Postby yoshi » Oct 28th, '06, 21:58

wow :happy:

dont kill unless you know its the right guy,
dont kill unless you get away fly,
only kill if he made your family cry,
only kill if you can face the man that die,


^^^ i rly like that part. and the chorus is pretty good too. the whole thing is cool and and and deep and u should definitely finish and audio it. :shifty:
Maybe wrote:I'm so awesome, I don't mind looking desperate.

Chet wrote:Fuck House. If I wanted to watch a sarcastic person in the medical field, I would stalk Yoshi :8)
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Postby ,-,'-{Bar}-',-, » Oct 28th, '06, 21:59

yoshi wrote:wow :happy:

dont kill unless you know its the right guy,
dont kill unless you get away fly,
only kill if he made your family cry,
only kill if you can face the man that die,


^^^ i rly like that part. and the chorus is pretty good too. the whole thing is cool and and and deep and u should definitely finish and audio it. :shifty:


thanx for reading it :D :worship: :worship:

yeh i dunno i might do it wiht complex i dunno :sweating:
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Postby ,-,'-{Bar}-',-, » Oct 28th, '06, 22:37

G_killa wrote:
Bar wrote:i read shit gives me ideas to write shit, can i say duh :sweating: lol




yeah but say i write a song bout voices tho

then you write a song about it with a few twists

the steve writes a song about the goverment controlin the world then you do with twists your get a bad rep cause its likup with concepts or songwrite on your own


no i dont mean that , like he said in his track what if i die , and it reminded me of the jhon cena song so i changed the hook in my head and then made the verses , when i read your thought i hadnt posted anythign so i thought about was i was thinking and rapped bout the first things that came to head , i aint flipping his track at all if you read the verse the tracks bout a personel expeirence of mine
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Postby ,-,'-{Bar}-',-, » Oct 28th, '06, 22:44

G_killa wrote:nah nah nah i mean like if you goin be using people ideas to create ideas its gunna get to a point ppl tend to notice if you get me. well if you dont :sweating:


nah i get you but i aint using his ideas at all
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Postby stevethetruth » Oct 29th, '06, 01:23

G_killa wrote:tis a bit shady :shifty: 2 songs 2 times close as sex

:shifty:

:p


:laughing:

wouldn't even think he would be doing anything like that i just look at the whole thing as a damn concedience lol
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Postby Inches » Oct 29th, '06, 01:34

if iwas gonna die tomorrow,
i would work my forearms till they fall off

:shifty:
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Postby ,-,'-{Bar}-',-, » Oct 29th, '06, 01:35

inches2010 wrote:if iwas gonna die tomorrow,
i would work my forearms till they fall off

:shifty:


:laughing: :laughing: :laughing:

i cant bielieve it actually took this many posts till someone answered the question :laughing:
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Postby Inches » Oct 29th, '06, 01:37

Bar wrote:
inches2010 wrote:if iwas gonna die tomorrow,
i would work my forearms till they fall off

:shifty:


:laughing: :laughing: :laughing:

i cant bielieve it actually took this many posts till someone answered the question :laughing:



you dont even wanna know the other things id do
:shifty:
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Postby ,-,'-{Bar}-',-, » Oct 29th, '06, 01:38

inches2010 wrote:
Bar wrote:
inches2010 wrote:if iwas gonna die tomorrow,
i would work my forearms till they fall off

:shifty:


:laughing: :laughing: :laughing:

i cant bielieve it actually took this many posts till someone answered the question :laughing:



you dont even wanna know the other things id do
:shifty:


your SOOOOOO right please DONT share them :p
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Postby Inches » Oct 29th, '06, 01:39

Bar wrote:
inches2010 wrote:
Bar wrote:
inches2010 wrote:if iwas gonna die tomorrow,
i would work my forearms till they fall off

:shifty:


:laughing: :laughing: :laughing:

i cant bielieve it actually took this many posts till someone answered the question :laughing:



you dont even wanna know the other things id do
:shifty:


your SOOOOOO right please DONT share them :p



ill up pictures
;)
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