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lyrical test ( really need feed !!!! )

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lyrical test ( really need feed !!!! )

Postby ,-,'-{Bar}-',-, » Oct 31st, '06, 21:40

this gonni be fun :sweating:

time to break it to you , time to break this through ,
im a lyrical magician leave you in critical condition ,
left you wishing you were only kissing my ass ,
instead you missing dismissing am reminiscing this pass ,
making sure a pass the mission witch is ultimately death ,
listen closely take a breath ,coz a coil like a snake to death,
a go by the name of bar , a rep a gang called Y-B-T-R ,
now dont deny agree be like a cookie jar ,
skidge school play hookie , get nookie , i aint no rookie ,
hayzi gave me a reality check , his skills put my to fatality wreck,
alot of people help me not knowing they do , hayzi coccoa to ,
maybe asp killa thomas they probly know they do ,
to those people like marth giorgio all a say is screw you ,
this is me checking if am ready for the universal wrecking ,
coz it could change by reversal unversaly wrecking me ,
everything a stand for , and who im trying to be ,
but a need to know that i got something ,
i said it before a dont wanne end up nothing ,
thats why im doing what im doing ,
a got this rage brewing chewing spewing , its geting ready to come out ,
when it does its gonni be some shout , breaking the decibel record ,
so when a make it the shit aint a mislabeled record ,
coz what you read now is me puting time and effort in ,
a can rythm and gaffert a dont even know what that word means to,
a use it coz it rythms well it seams to ,
im using different styles here this is a trial here ,
so give me feed deer , and give a cheer or pass the fucking beer ,



i really need feed on this so please leave it !!!
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Postby yoshi » Oct 31st, '06, 21:47

lmao @ the last bar :laughing:

/im a lyrical magician leave you in critical condition ,
left you wishing you were only kissing my ass ,
instead you missing dismissing am reminiscing this pass/

^ i love that part, especially that missing-dismissing-reminiscing :happy: lmao u did good Bar :flower:
Maybe wrote:I'm so awesome, I don't mind looking desperate.

Chet wrote:Fuck House. If I wanted to watch a sarcastic person in the medical field, I would stalk Yoshi :8)
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Postby stevethetruth » Oct 31st, '06, 21:48

damn bar that was CRAZY!!!
keep up the good work dude you are getting way better


:D i better hear an audio of this man!! :8)
http://www.myspace.com/stevethetruth <-- my myspace add me!!
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Postby Kez » Oct 31st, '06, 21:49

Good flow, good multis and more multis, good structure. Can't really fault it, good job. :worship: :worship:
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Postby yoshi » Oct 31st, '06, 21:49

steverocks88 wrote:

:D i better hear an audio of this man!! :8)


^ yuppp :8) :shifty:
Maybe wrote:I'm so awesome, I don't mind looking desperate.

Chet wrote:Fuck House. If I wanted to watch a sarcastic person in the medical field, I would stalk Yoshi :8)
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Postby ,-,'-{Bar}-',-, » Oct 31st, '06, 21:51

thanz guys and yoshi :D i really tried on this and hearing feedback this makes it feel even beter thx :D i even had a dictionary next to me doing it :laughing: tht aint cheating incase anyone thinks coz eminem does it lol anywae thanx for the feed REALLY thanx , and is till want mroe feed lol
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Postby C-Game » Oct 31st, '06, 22:00

heres some feed

well the verse had wat it takes
didnt notice any multis which wld hv elavated its quality a bit

the flow is there
some kool lines that i like



instead you missing dismissing am reminiscing this pass ,

skidge school play hookie , get nookie , i aint no rookie



i wld prefer a similar follow on to the above lines (rhyme wise)



a got this rage brewing chewing spewing , its geting ready to come out ,
when it does its gonni be some shout , breaking the decibel record ,


overall i like it nice stuff

ur achivein one area u hv lacked and thats addin complexity
nice work bro
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Postby ,-,'-{Bar}-',-, » Oct 31st, '06, 22:02

cgame wrote:heres some feed

well the verse had wat it takes
didnt notice any multis which wld hv elavated its quality a bit

the flow is there
some kool lines that i like



instead you missing dismissing am reminiscing this pass ,

skidge school play hookie , get nookie , i aint no rookie



i wld prefer a similar follow on to the above lines (rhyme wise)



a got this rage brewing chewing spewing , its geting ready to come out ,
when it does its gonni be some shout , breaking the decibel record ,


overall i like it nice stuff

ur achivein one area u hv lacked and thats addin complexity
nice work bro


thanx man thats what im trying to do thanx :worship:
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Postby C-Game » Oct 31st, '06, 22:09

ur gettin there bro
:worship:
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Postby °[~CHR!$~]° » Oct 31st, '06, 23:06

good job....like it....nice flow/ryhmes :smoking:
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Postby 2 DeeP » Oct 31st, '06, 23:30

cant see anything wrong ;) good like most of it :smoking:
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Postby ,-,'-{Bar}-',-, » Oct 31st, '06, 23:36

Clarky wrote:Hhahaha that was the sickest shit you ever wrote.

Bar for Scottish MC of the year 2007!


yas!!! lol thanx man :worship:

imma win at prze :shifty: ( or steal i mean whatever is easist ) :happy:

nah really thanx man :D

@2 DeeP - you getting soft :laughing: actually being nice :d :laughing: k.o cheers mate :D :smoking:
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Postby ,-,'-{Bar}-',-, » Oct 31st, '06, 23:40

G_killa wrote:dope apart from using death twice on a lyricle style verse


yeh i cringed at using it but my mind sorta hurt after a while :laughing: thanx man :worship:
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Postby Slimm » Nov 1st, '06, 00:24

Dont know alot of it so i wont hit up with terms but ima just say i liked reading it it was dope, nice flow, rhymes and multis :)

I did use terms :unsure:
w o r l d p o l i c e a n d f r i e n d l y f i r e w o r l d p o l i c e a n d f r i e n d l y f i r e w o r l d p o l i c e a n d f r i e n d l y f i r e w o r l d p o l ic
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Postby 2 DeeP » Nov 1st, '06, 00:32

Bar wrote:
Clarky wrote:Hhahaha that was the sickest shit you ever wrote.

Bar for Scottish MC of the year 2007!


yas!!! lol thanx man :worship:

imma win at prze :shifty: ( or steal i mean whatever is easist ) :happy:

nah really thanx man :D

@2 DeeP - you getting soft :laughing: actually being nice :d :laughing: k.o cheers mate :D :smoking:
i didnt see it was you it was acually shit :tounge2: ko i really liked it :smoking:
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