verse from upcoming track

by **,-,'-{Bar}-',-,** » Dec 23rd, '06, 23:35

it goes to the nothing but a g thing beat

please escuse the structure when im wriitng to a beat i keep the structure in my head...it flows perfect lol

emcee that you wanne see
a give killers the 1st dgree then kill you like a banshee
a can start now or a can start later
got the heart of a gator kill every hater
a can rythm so much its like a crime to touch
then in time through much
such people wanne see me fail
put away in jail but a dont feel pail a dont feel nothing
coz a know you bluffing
so now when im puffing your name your bufolo bill
if you low get a re-fill am ill and a spill the skill
a got the will and the thrill to kill every person a think a should
you think you all good thug coz you were a hood rug
coz you sell drugs all smug a dont give a fuck but you not a thug
at anything you a fucking mug
ducking and diving , tucking and thriving
am just surviving of the streets
im thriving of the beats dont dwell on defeats
i just make them eat what they thought they beat

feedback please

by **Crossova16** » Dec 24th, '06, 00:20

u got potential kid...

by **,-,'-{Bar}-',-,** » Dec 24th, '06, 00:22

Crossova16 wrote:u got potential kid...

thank you

by **so_shady915** » Dec 24th, '06, 02:20

some lines dont make sense, and u need to fix ur structure cuz u got 2 line that rhyme and then one line without the rhyme
for example

such people wanne see me fail
put away in jail but a dont feel pail a dont feel nothing

by **Kez** » Dec 24th, '06, 02:29

He rhymes the end of his 2nd line on his 3rd line, can't you see that?

God, like i've said, you're just biased, so i don't know why i'm bothering responding, but still.

by **so_shady915** » Dec 24th, '06, 02:36

Kez wrote:He rhymes the end of his 2nd line on his 3rd line, can't you see that?

God, like i've said, you're just biased, so i don't know why i'm bothering responding, but still.

LOl are u guys a couple???

by **Kez** » Dec 24th, '06, 02:37

^ Course we are, yeah.

God, it's like you can't be good friends with someone or else you're gay. :whistle:

by **so_shady915** » Dec 24th, '06, 02:57

damn Nikka just asking, lol U guys are very good friends LOL

by **Enimee** » Dec 24th, '06, 03:34

jus stop typin on this forum cause your really jus a pain in the textile region

by **so_shady915** » Dec 24th, '06, 03:42

no foo I can give feed to who ever I want to

by **Jay-19** » Dec 24th, '06, 12:30

As alwyas Bar, good job! :8)

But I also think you should work on the structure.
But other than that, it's great.. :sweating:

by **,-,'-{Bar}-',-,** » Dec 24th, '06, 12:55

ok imma shwo you all somehting jsut incase y'all never read the post

please escuse the structure when im wriitng to a beat i keep the structure in my head...it flows perfect lol

thank for your comments

anyone else dont comment on the structure like i said above its flows perfect

by **ShadyAngel** » Dec 24th, '06, 14:21

it was real good, keep going

by **,-,'-{Bar}-',-,** » Dec 24th, '06, 14:23

thx

n i will

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