New style Need feedback!!

[,-,'-{Bar}-',-,]

this is the first verse from a song that Big Ax-D (30-3 here) is producing for me

anywae i need yall to tellme if this style looks ok lyrically , you wont catch that its a new style by text i know...but still does it look good ?

also the liast line is only a little bit to fill before th chorus hits , hence the HEY lol



Verse 1
a lived in the streets , then i dived in the beats
thrived of the treats , drived by defeats
return with reciepts , burn with this heat
a learn by deceit , im stern in retreat
everybody know you weak , a disembody this freak ,
you better start to speak , see my heart go unique,
a aint got a peak , a got thought to speak
a dont taunt you peep , a make you want to weep
a put your crew to sleep, yer left threw in a heep
am through with this creep , a got two fif deep,
started writing amiss , started writing abliss
learned like this , turned strike abyss
then a found the bottom im like a hound up on them
im renowned to pawn them , this sound drawn on them
it aint gone a got them , coz a spawn an caught them
what ya thought then ? Hey



PLEASE leave FEED

[yoshi]

looks ok for me, dunno how it sounds, so can't say much about the style lol

[C-Game]

No doubt the verse song iv read from u Multies wise
thats a huge step up comparin to ur last drop
and da vocab has grown as well

u hv maintained da meanin tooo
like it

way to go UWC souiljah

[,-,'-{Bar}-',-,]

looks ok for me, dunno how it sounds, so can't say much about the style lol

lol thanx audio should be out by monday/tuesday

[,-,'-{Bar}-',-,]

No doubt the verse song iv read from u Multies wise
thats a huge step up comparin to ur last drop
and da vocab has grown as well

u hv maintained da meanin tooo
like it

way to go UWC souiljah

thanks alot man maintaining the meaning is what i was worried aout i thought it mihgt have just sounded like boundled words lol thx alot

[yoshi]

looks ok for me, dunno how it sounds, so can't say much about the style lol

lol thanx audio should be out by monday/tuesday

audio it!

[C-Game]

looks ok for me, dunno how it sounds, so can't say much about the style lol

lol thanx audio should be out by monday/tuesday

i want da cgame version to check out ur style
*da low qlty version

[,-,'-{Bar}-',-,]

looks ok for me, dunno how it sounds, so can't say much about the style lol

lol thanx audio should be out by monday/tuesday

i want da cgame version to check out ur style
*da low qlty version

lol yeh ill make sure i make one once its done

[,-,'-{Bar}-',-,]

bump

[Inches]

i liek this style and cant wait to see how it sounds
id say this style id better, seems to flow easier.


waitin on that audio

[Enimee]

seems a lil choppy to me, i mean its better thats for sure you def stepped up but you can still work on it some...

nice work tho

[,-,'-{Bar}-',-,]

seems a lil choppy to me, i mean its better thats for sure you def stepped up but you can still work on it some...

nice work tho

yeh the spaces in da middle is coz its wrote to a beat lol

thx though


same to inches thanx man