Just made it ...

[SajN]

When I stand, with a mike in my hand
I cant breath, I cant stay on my feet
and all I've eat is a bite of fucking meat.
And the crowd, they're jumping out their seat
They're screaming so loud, expecting so much of me.
My family are looking at me on TV,
They are from south
I wanna say hello, but nothing cames out from my mouth.
I just stand there, looking out at the crowd. . . . . .

Wrote this on like 30 Seconds .. I dont know what to write more ..
Someone who can tell how this was .. and how I can continue ?
What this text can be about ..

[sinemm]

well no offence but i jus read it n it looked familiar n pushed me to look up the lyrics of when im gone..jus some similarity found..

Sixty thousand people, all jumping out their seat
The curtain closes, they're throwing roses at my feet
I take a bow and thank you all for coming out
They're screaming so loud, I take one last look at the crowd........

gonna say nothing more..

[C-Game]

well u can den continue by sayin how u snapped and den let shit out...

like


ma nerves were pumpin, adrenaline rush-in-ma-veins
imma gunned-up-with-flames as i start-up-ma-game
syllable ba syllable da words started-to-flow
crowd moves 4 4 as i sparked-up-da-floor

and bla bla bla.... u get da picture

[C-Game]

well no offence but i jus read it n it looked familiar n pushed me to look up the lyrics of when im gone..jus some similarity found..

Sixty thousand people, all jumping out their seat
The curtain closes, they're throwing roses at my feet
I take a bow and thank you all for coming out
They're screaming so loud, I take one last look at the crowd........

gonna say nothing more..

lol sinemmm da investigator
yea thr was some similarity to lose yourself as well...but as long as he is writin and he showed some improvement in LW im ready to help him...

[SajN]

I didnt think about When I am gone when I wrote this ..
But now I see its a bit similiar to that song ..
But not the whole thing !

Yeah .. Ok

[sinemm]

I didnt think about When I am gone when I wrote this ..
But now I see its a bit similiar to that song ..
But not the whole thing !

Yeah .. Ok

i knowmaybe prolly cuz of u listen to songs they stay in ur mind u dont remember but..anyways.. hope ur not offended

[SajN]

Yeah .. they stay on my mind all the time ..
When I try to rhyme Eminem's songs cames to my mind ..
Ops .. hehe Time - Rhyme - Mind ...

Well . no I am not offended ..
I just need some tips to how to continue

[C-Game]

Yeah .. they stay on my mind all the time ..
When I try to rhyme Eminem's songs cames to my mind ..
Ops .. hehe Time - Rhyme - Mind ...

Well . no I am not offended ..
I just need some tips to how to continue

didnt u like ma suggestion

[SajN]

No I didnt ..

Lol .. Of Course I did

But I cant write multies ..

[C-Game]

No I didnt ..

Lol .. Of Course I did

But I cant write multies ..

oh its just linkin rhymes

glad mad

just add some words in da beginin

im so-glad i got this whore-mad .... den increase da complexity lil by lil