Ryhme Time Kids!

[TheWeirdoIsBack]

First I thought I'd write somethin like this
In the style of a little list
Then I figured screw it
Just write it right
Under the dim bulb of light
In the dead of night
With no one else in sight
Or ear shot
Write a whole lot
I'm a rapper but don't do pot
Or drugs
Throw you up like a rug
Break you like a cheap coffee mug
Talk ish I just shrug
And walk away
No attention do I pay
To you little wussies, probably gay
Have to talk behind my back cause your pussies
Can't say it to my face
This ain't a race
Keep up the pace
Get back to home base
Home plate
Ran around the field
Never stopped to yield
The cards I dealed
The cards I was dealt
I wrote this rhyme so you all coulda felt
What I feel
Stuff your fat face with a meal
Come back and do it all again
I keep your tail waggin
Keep talkin' what you want
I'm on a man hunt
For the one who inspired the rhymes
This is my time to shine
Shut up and bite your tongue
Before you get hung
Up to dry
Mess with me and you die
Crews I got two
Who's in yours? You?
No one backs you up
So son you better back up
End this song with a complete halt
This whole thing was all your fault
See if you keep your thoughts to yourself
I won't have to shoot you off the shelf
Bitch!



I was just writin random rhymes and ended up comin' out with this. Any feedback would be greatly appreciated.

[JMG]

i dont think u want feed back

[Rain Matrix]

Good stuff and JM after tha beatdown u took... u'll have 2 escape denial sooner or later yous not even a court jesta!

[JMG]

shut the fuck up trench coat neo imatatin muther fucker u spent like 2 days on ur shit i spent like 20 mins so suck my dick and go look at morpheous porn

[Rain Matrix]

...But I Won, not 2 mention Lawrence Fishburne would kick yur ass, and probably outrap u, but enuff is enuff... let this guy get some constructive feed...

Homeboy if yur not down with tha chronic there may be no help 4 u

[stevethetruth]

will you guys stfu your ruining a perfectly fine thread , man your both annoying



-------------------------------

anyways


it's not bad of a rap, your structure could be better but you said you were just writing random line so i guess it's ok

oh yeah try to work on improving your vocab a lil bit, like reading a dictionary or something lol


keep at it man

[TheWeirdoIsBack]

Heh thanks y'all, any criticism is better then none.

anyways


it's not bad of a rap, your structure could be better but you said you were just writing random line so i guess it's ok

oh yeah try to work on improving your vocab a lil bit, like reading a dictionary or something lol


keep at it man

Yeah I was thinkin' about pullin' an Eminem and study the dictionary lol. I need some new words, I've noticed a lot of my rhymes have a lot of the same words and they get a bit repetitive but it usually works. Thanks for the feed and tips man

[,-,'-{Bar}-',-,]

Heh thanks y'all, any criticism is better then none.

anyways


it's not bad of a rap, your structure could be better but you said you were just writing random line so i guess it's ok

oh yeah try to work on improving your vocab a lil bit, like reading a dictionary or something lol


keep at it man

Yeah I was thinkin' about pullin' an Eminem and study the dictionary lol. I need some new words, I've noticed a lot of my rhymes have a lot of the same words and they get a bit repetitive but it usually works. Thanks for the feed and tips man

wroked for me man

dictionary/thesarous

[TheWeirdoIsBack]

Heh thanks y'all, any criticism is better then none.

anyways


it's not bad of a rap, your structure could be better but you said you were just writing random line so i guess it's ok

oh yeah try to work on improving your vocab a lil bit, like reading a dictionary or something lol


keep at it man

Yeah I was thinkin' about pullin' an Eminem and study the dictionary lol. I need some new words, I've noticed a lot of my rhymes have a lot of the same words and they get a bit repetitive but it usually works. Thanks for the feed and tips man

wroked for me man

dictionary/thesarous

Yeah a thesaurus would be a good choice cause like I know the definitions I wanna drop, just not the right words sometimes...props in lettin me know I ain't the only one using dictionaries and thesauruses lol