Feed Me

[JMG]

just cuz i was dead in school wouldnt budge instead id drull
next to rules i thought the plegde was bull so i guess i dont have potensial
to be a proffensioal with a pencial no i will not be alledged a fool
im fresh with fuel if ur not impressed then cool
i could care a less im just wonderin where to next
in this path of life i got an appiatete
to grap the mic only if i had a light
i wouldnt have to sacerfice all my dads advice
not to pack a pipe but i need the weed to ease some slack 2 nite
and pull the string to grab the kite and fly into shattered lights
only if happiness had a price would people be runnin around straped with knifes
guns and crack pipes would we have whites and black fights
or remain gods ruin seamon lets act like human beings
cuz i feel him movin and creepin so get ready for a grusome season
go ahead god give up on us wipe the floor like u did with the dinosaurs
cmon is this world mine or yours i look up and wonder what goes on behind his doors

[$0 R3@L]

want you want?

fries and steak with a side serving of salad?

[JMG]

sure y not

[MoBrat]

not bad just use spell check next time

[JMG]

its not that i cant spell i just type fast and sometimes dont see my mistakes

[James R.]

So I'm guessin you just key'd this up real quick? In any case it aint bad. The flow went off track a lot and that got a bit annoying. You focused really hard on multies and maybe that took away from the rest? But it was decent. Some of the multies were forced or at least sounded it. My advice would be this: Since it's obvious you like mutlies read through a dictionary and up your vocab so the lines sound more natural, seriously it helps the whole multiple rhyming scheme, and it should give you an arsenal of words that most people can't match.

7/10

[JMG]

well thanks for the critism and i can see what ur talkin about .. accpect for me forcin the multies can u tell me which ones u think are forced

[James R.]

just cuz i was dead in school wouldnt budge instead id drull
next to rules i thought the plegde was bull so i guess i dont have potensial

to be a proffensioal with a pencial no i will not be alledged a fool
im fresh with fuel if ur not impressed then cool

not to pack a pipe but i need the weed to ease some slack 2 nite
and pull the string to grab the kite and fly into shattered lights

It was only a few, and there's a chance that you may not have been trying to make them multies, but if you were they sound a bit stretched.