HipHops Death [New Style]

[Tash8]

Hello,

I tried this new style, I don't know how I came up with, I just started it and worked on it the same way the whole time.

True Music Brings, the Amusement || Poo Lyrics brings, the Fearest
With the Abstract Ways Intact Waves in the Compact and Stacked Air
Absurd Statement cause A Blurred Paint Tint, with A Burred Pavement
They Concurred with Afraidment, fearing the scary unHeard Insane Men.
The Rappers Need to Acclimatize, turns to Greed causing Climate Cries.
Causing the ill hip-hop world's Speed falls because of the Fate and Dies.

This basically just explains the cause of the death of hip hop.

Feed Please,
Tash8

[IceAxe]

the first 2 linez were good, then it went downhill from there.... tohught the multis in the first few linez were some good onez... but i cant really see the new style, but it might be more clear in audio

[Tash8]

thx, it's a new style for me I meant.. I never did it like this before.

[Tash8]

I wanna see what James feed would be on this, he's always got good constructive feed.

more feed please

[shady_soul]

liked the concept, started off good too , it could've been a lot better....gotta' hit the door harder/ but enjoyed reading though/ keep it coming
peace

[James R.]

I'm not really feelin it. I can kinda see what you mean in the first few lines, but then you got caught up in it. The style itself reminds me of like a Cam'ron flow where you just rhyme like 80 words per line and you start losing the meaning. And I think you made a word or two up lol. If you wanna mess wit a style like this my advice is as follows: Up your vocab so you can rhyme a lot and keep your meaning, maybe lengthen your lines and just have 1 line be the equivalent of the average 2 lines, and don't let the style distract you. That's really what brought this down, you became too concerned with how the style looked on the screen/paper and not with what you were saying. It doesn't matter how you say what you say if you're not saying what you want.

[Tash8]

lol aite.. I did make a word up, afraidment..

well what I said made sense, except not many people will understand it, cuz of metaphors and stuff..

here i'll dumb down what I was saying:

The true musics brings the amusement, the bad lyrics bring the hatest
with the different ways that mess up the songs in the radio world
the stupid things people say can make a fake images
people liked it cause they were afraid to stand out and feared them
the rappers who are real had to try to fit in because of the shit that was affecting the hip hop climate
this whole thing caused the hip hop world to die.

thanks for the feed,

and James I understand what you mean, thanks i'll ignore the style next time.