hey, whats up

by **Ka0t1c** » May 3rd, '07, 22:30

where am i going
knowing ive been here
and im so very lonely
i only appear like im growing
cuz all these years were phony
i fed to my peers bull-ony (bologna)
cuz no tears were showing
i wasnt enjoying a career worth hosting
then i shared by posting my lyrics mostly
about how weird my gears are rolling
my outlet to bare with holes-bringin my spirit slowly to its own to bounce back
now im nearly home b/c im pointing towards the right route to carry on

by **Tash8** » May 3rd, '07, 23:12

okkkk...

no structure, flow is OK at best.. no multis, rhymes are ok, I dont man, you gotta make it way more complex

by **Ka0t1c** » May 3rd, '07, 23:22

its got structure and at the end i messed up by using carry on but it has multies other than that, this is my exercise that isnt looking for a steroid boost

by **James R.** » May 4th, '07, 01:25

The rhyming was very simplistic and the beginning had no structure, then the end was too stretched out. Seems like smtn you just threw together on a whim. Definitely not your best work.

by **Tash8** » May 4th, '07, 03:22

Kaotic wrote:its got structure and at the end i messed up by using carry on but it has multies other than that, this is my exercise that isnt looking for a steroid boost

not really, structure is this:

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not:

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I don't know I haven't seen your past work but this wasn't good.. sorry.

If it's something you don't like, don't post it, unless your aiming for criticism, I've done that before.

by **shady_soul** » May 4th, '07, 06:19

yeah bru' , jus' keep writing, dont stop/
peace

hey, whats up

hey, whats up

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