Educated Fall

[TRshady]

[ Educated Fall ]

Up at break of day, a complicated situation of sorts
Redefining collapse to retract an inferior course
An attempt to reposition my skeletal frame
Constant reminders of failed endeavors at fame
Approaching closer to concrete, heart racing
Retracing the unaccurate target unimpacted, comtemplating
A ferocious feeling of underachieving brewing inside
An atrocious concealing of guilt to those who knew me to provide
But couldn't thus resorted to crime
uncaught for a period of time
developed an ego megalomaniac state of mind too late to rewind
Forever on the grind, but sales declined
My success just like sex, I'll be forever behind
Wherever I find peace, the crime rate would increase
Upon by arrival, it's survival while hidden from police
Seconds have past, it's a harsh contrast
From being top of the pedastal to hitting rock botto ...

[yoshi]

someone pass me the dictionary please?.. and screw you Tee for using big words rofl


/But couldn't thus resorted to crime
uncaught for a period of time
developed an ego megalomaniac state of mind too late to rewind/

^ i like these lines.

[Tash8]

so come here and post ur stuff and expect feed when you dont feed

j/k

anyways, nice i like, i dont understand much of it, but hta'ts proly cuz i'm really really dumb.

[4D]

You're style is delicious man, never boring for a second. I`m not put off by the vocabulary, and the complex way that you use it. That's what i find very interesting. This was my favourite part:

An attempt to reposition my skeletal frame
Constant reminders of failed endeavors at fame


Sounds like that's a deep feeling your touching on, the disappointment of not being rich and famous. Also, the words in that 2 line part, rhyme the best from the whole section, so that's another reason. I say it in my hed, and it just sounds cool, especially "failed endeavours at fame".

I wouldn't criticise you or give you advice like an aspiring rapper or battler (not that I should be giving advice, can't help myself sometimes though), because I know you're much more interested in writing Poetry, than raps. Which is an art onto itself.


P.s @ Tash, Tr has given me feed on a few rhymes before. He doesn't spend a lot of time on the forum these days, and this is probably his least active section, so although feed from Tr would be great, it's not highly likely.

[Tash8]

yea hence the "j/k"

[4D]

yea hence the "j/k"

Yeah, I know lol. But also i know behind the joke is also that same hiddensentiment.

Muthafucka aught ta feed on evry summabitches rime right fukkin now, or i`ma smack his face till his brain hits my front deltoid.

[shady_aftermathzz]

that shitz dope, really liked it, keep up the good work, kind sir
much respect

peace

[TRshady]

Thanks people, I tried not to get carried away with being overly smart,
it shouldn't be hard to understand.
Basically it's the suicide of someone who feels he's failed at life and tells the story as he's falling.
The fall from being atop of things reflecting his fall from the building ...

Appreciate the feedback, I'ma comment on other peoples rhymes everynow and again,
just bashed out this verse after the feedback on my last.

[stevethetruth]

i love the use of all the big words man

good stuff for real

(i need to start reading the dictionary lol)

[Rae]

yeah im not big on all the big words
but thats b/c i dont have a very large vocabulary

but nice shit hunn!
i enjoyed reading it throughout