my new style,peep dis shit [[prolly tha best i did so far]]

[J Roc]

i tear-hearts and i stab-minds,your fear-starts when i grab-nines
im slashin-throats and doin-drugs,ill be stashin-notes and slewin-thugs
i be in high-schools and beatin-nerds,ill buy-tools for reading-words
i crap-gold-and-shit-money,my rap-told-friendships-are-funny
tha thug-life is not-easy,a drug-wife does not-please-me
i need-weed so i function-normal,i feed-speed to tha punks-in-norville
im deep-in-shots all around-me,im weepin-lots im tha-bounty
its a pre-view of what to expect,i see-you givin some respect


aight so how ya think i did wit it?

[4D]

I give props to anyone trying to make their shit more complex and working on their multies, and It's obviously the point of this was to work on the multies, so it's all cool man. Some don't make sense, but when they don't make sense like that man, don't settle for that. Check out a thesaurus (it's not lame to do that) and work out other ways to say it, or change it. You could have said "Slewin'" thugs instead of suein' thugs, slew is a past tense way of saying Slaying. Punks in formal dosn't make sense either cos formal clothing is really stylish clothing like Tuxedo's,etc. Which punks don't wear. But you could have meant punks like chumps, which does kind of make sense, if you're selling drugs to posh people.

Good shit though man, Keep it up, i`m looking forward to seeing ya progress, got some talent!

[J Roc]

thasauras?aight ill give it a try next time i free right its hard for me to be creative really
i took ya advice an i fixed tha drop up a lil

thanks for feedin 4D,much appreciated

[Tash8]

hmm, too be honest when i try to rap that it sounds awful.. maybe it's just me but i really don't like that style

i like it when the rhyme is at end.. usually when I write i make up a style like this

Line 1: ---------------rhyme
Line 2: ---------------rhyme
Line 3: ---------------rhyme
Line 4: ---------------rhyme

or something like this


Line 1: --------rhyme-------rhyme
Line 2: ---------------rhyme
Line 3: ---------------rhyme
Line 4: ---------------rhyme

i mean yours was its own style.. but i dont really like it

btw what you want to say should control your rhymes, your rhymes shouldn't control what you say...

[J Roc]

hmm, too be honest when i try to rap that it sounds awful.. maybe it's just me but i really don't like that style

you mean tha flows bad?or sumthin else is wrong wit it?

[Tash8]

hmm, too be honest when i try to rap that it sounds awful.. maybe it's just me but i really don't like that style

you mean tha flows bad?or sumthin else is wrong wit it?

no i just dont really like inter-rhymes idk how to explain it but i dont like it when you something liek this

I'll smack you, you little kids, and it'll impact you and your moms tits


but besides the style, it's real solid

[J Roc]

oh im gettin it now,ill try workin on it a bit an if it still sucks ill try sumthin else

thanks for ur thots tash

[Tash8]

oh im gettin it now,ill try workin on it a bit an if it still sucks ill try sumthin else

thanks for ur thots tash

it's just not my style but it could be other peoples, so dont change it just cuz of one person.. just find ur style and use it..

[J Roc]

no im not changin,i just gonna try to make tha style better sumhow

an if alot of peple dont like it ill try a whole nw style out