sumthing i wrote..

by **Flamez** » Jul 11th, '07, 18:32

since i'm going to cali most likely the day after tomorrow wanted to write sumthing..

i'm going back to my home So-Cal to that sunshine state
full of love n' hate where everybody out here hallucinate
where i was raised as a child at my grandma's crib in L.A.
i remember one day back in elementary when i heard sumone say
"Yo Jose you mexicans are shit" i was like wut the fuck u just say
so later that day i got jumped by 4 to 5 guys who later apoloigized
i was advised that my mom was watchin' me get hurt like if i were incised
i was surprised they was sorry but they were racists hating on me
just cuz my skin's different don't make no difference to me
i was like a slave that couldn't be free when i heard a rumor bout a gun
that somebody was gonna try to shoot me they thought this was fun
when i found it was true i was scared i heard sirens and cops comin'
didn't know what to do thought i was gonna die young i heard death humming
but i'm glad they apprehended the shooter which wanted to blast me away
which was one of the faggots that jumped me before, still up to today
i'll never forget that day thats why everytime i hear gunshots i remember
thats why everytime i go to cali it haunts me all year round thru december
i ain't playin' this really happend to me but still California is my home
i'm glad to go back to roam no matter what happens it'll always be my home

by **J Roc** » Jul 11th, '07, 20:02

told a nice story,had good vocab there was an aight flow, rhymes were good an had a few metaphores/simles

it lacked multies tho but thats not always important

pretty good KB

by **Tash8** » Jul 11th, '07, 20:07

gotta stop rapping about cali man lol

anyways, i liked ur storytelling that's something that's really hard to do and u did it, i understand why you had simple multis/rhymes and its because you really can't do all that complicated stuff plus story telling

keep it up

by **Flamez** » Jul 11th, '07, 20:12

thanx for the feed J roc :happy:

and tash lol since i'm a be going to cali on friday i decided to write sumthing :sweating:

and thanx for the feed man :8)

by **sinemm** » Jul 11th, '07, 21:52

to be honest i didnt like it at all..not sayin bout the technical things

but the storytelling umm dunno sounds so simple didnt get me interested its just me of course..not that bad tho

by **Flamez** » Jul 12th, '07, 01:21

yea its simple but it was hard didn't really wanna make it complicated it woulda sounded different idk thats me lol this is the first time i do it like storytellin :sweating:

but thanx for the comments :8)

sumthing i wrote..

sumthing i wrote..

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