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juss sumthing..

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juss sumthing..

Postby Flamez » Jul 23rd, '07, 21:29

livin' life is difficult sometimes it can be like a complex jigsaw puzzle
cornered in a corner tied up from the back in front of a huge gun muzzle
can't speak like cat got your toungue your bout to get blown away
life is a gambling game day after day u prevail or u fail just know to play
how to play your cards try not to face defeat and worst of all don't give up
never relinquish no matter how perplexing to the mind it may be just keep ya head up
don't chew the poisonous death cup just make your weaknesses strong
failure is not an option just try and try again you can't go wrong all lifelong
Thomas Edison never withdrew when he was tryin' filaments for the light bulb
no one's perfect but learn from the mistakes you make just don't be a loser scrub

feedback would be appreciated :y:
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Re: juss sumthing..

Postby sinemm » Jul 24th, '07, 21:30

id never thought ud mention edison in ur rhymes lol
thats not bad kep it up

but you just make me have to go look up my dictionary frequently :angry: lol
LIFE WOULD BE A MISTAKE WITHOUT MUSIC!!
Friedrich Nietzsche
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Re: juss sumthing..

Postby Flamez » Jul 24th, '07, 23:13

lol i never thought i would either but hey thats what came to my mind haha and thanx on the feed and sorry about you having too look in your dictionary frequently lol :p
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Re: juss sumthing..

Postby Tash8 » Jul 24th, '07, 23:30

honestly the flow is terrible in this one, your rhymes aren't bad, your vocab is real nice in this one, your point was done well.. but the flow really important, you stacked too much in one line...

keep at it, it' snot ur best but we all fuck up every once in a while.
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Re: juss sumthing..

Postby Flamez » Jul 24th, '07, 23:42

i know the flow was a lil wiggity but oh well.. though thanx for the feed tash

the fuck well i guess i can't say that word lmao didn't know that :sweating:
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Re: juss sumthing..

Postby Tash8 » Jul 24th, '07, 23:51

what word was it?

bitch ?
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Re: juss sumthing..

Postby Flamez » Jul 24th, '07, 23:53

no it was w.i.g.g.i.t.y. lol
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Re: juss sumthing..

Postby Tash8 » Jul 25th, '07, 00:01

wiggity
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Re: juss sumthing..

Postby James R. » Jul 25th, '07, 03:32

Yeah the flow really brought this one down man. Tash pretty much said it all. Had it flowed better this would be a pretty high end song.
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Re: juss sumthing..

Postby Flamez » Jul 25th, '07, 05:16

yea i know the flow was eh you know haha but thanx for the feed :y:
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Re: juss sumthing..

Postby CaptivatingVokalz » Jul 25th, '07, 09:53

I love positive "keep ya head up" flows. It was on point with staying with the theme of it... it was a bit too stacked together... seems like you were in a rush to get to the point of it... but other than that... loved how you put life in your perspective :y:
*~Vokally Blessed Kristen~*
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Re: juss sumthing..

Postby Flamez » Jul 25th, '07, 23:00

thanx for checkin it out..
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